I always feel I have to find something physically wrong with me when I'm having a bad day cos you don't seem to understand ''having a bad day'' to means wanting to kill myself. So I produce the migraine card to make sure I can have time off. And you make me feel like a small child. And I hurt, when I'm there, sometimes I hurt so badly, but I put on this mask, and sometimes it falls and sometimes I don't want to live any more. How do I ask to go home cos of that? Sorry, I can't carry on today cos I want to die. Oh yes. Stylish Rach.
I do want ot be your friend though. I want to get on with you well, I want to be able to be truthful.
But what I really want to do is be at home, crying and hurting and gettin these feelings out of myself. Not stuck behind a till.
Are we demented or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between insane and insecure...
K
I really really miss you. i made a mistake and i dont think i'll ever get you back. i'm not sure we'd work as a couple again but friends wud be nice. i dont know whether to try & make contact with u again or not - will it backfire and make things worse? if only we could just talk. I never ment things to turn out the way they have.
J
i'm sorry 4 how things have turned, for not contacting you enough. i dont think we're working. i dont want to be in a relationship, with anyone. you make me laugh and i enjoy spending time with you. but i need my own space most. having a partner panics me and i just want to bail. i'm sorry. i need to sort myself out b4 being with someone.
????????????????????????????what do i do??????????????????????????
-i'd hate to think it was all lies. because i really don't think it was.
-it's not that strange is it? i don't think i'll do it. but it's just one of my little insecurities. i don't think it's that damaging if you do it right. it's a bit like living in a fairly small box. hmm. i don't know. i might try it.
You don't know how much you inspire me. And I probably won't ever tell you because for some reason I think that would just be weird. But you're my sister and you are awesome. I wish I could tell you. You're just as awesome as awesome can get.
this isn't fair.
how your treating me is not fair.
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
im glad you cried
this is what you get
after all the pain you have caused me
you expect me to come to you?
HAH! Think again
You can only hurt somone so much before they stop caring
So I am done
You have known that for a while
So dont come to me
You arent going to use me anymore.
{CDT&CLT forever- December 9th 2011}
RYL Family: crazykat is my stalker, trailsofpain is my guard dog, tonightXweXfall is my psycho mouse, Red is my irkin invader, Mechangel is my muffin thief, rageagainstthemachine is my beloved sister, DeadIrishD is my banana cream pie, scaredofme is my cheesecake of perpetual lovelyness, binkydonkey is my pie
i wish you could understnad the pain i feelw hen i m,iss u. when i need you most and you cant be there. i wish u really understood how much i feel for you and realize this isnt a joke, this is my heart. this is everything i have and id give up everything to be with you. i just know u coul never feel the same... how did this happen how did i fall in love with you.... and why is this dream so far from reality.... worst part is.... as much as i want you... im rooting for the home team. i want you to be happy. even if its not with me... even though it will and could never be with me.... *sigh*
I'm sorry i can't make you happy its all i wish i could.
I'm sorry i don't talk enough i'm just misunderstood.
I'm sorry you feal its not working out, and i'm sorry coz i know you leave.
i'm sorry i can't be the girl you want to me to and be.
I'm sorry you had to put up with me i know you can do better
i'm sorry i can't copy what all the other girls were, act like a slut to humor you but that would betray who i am.
I'm sorry you feel it was a wast, i'm sorry i don't make decitions.
But most of all i'm sorry that i'll love you all my life, i'm sorry from the bottem of my heart that i ever coursed you this strif.
I hate it how half the time you act as though you really love me, and the other half the time you talk about him instead.
-----
I don't even see why I go to school everyday anyway, I'm just wasting the taxpayers money, 'cause I know I'll fail my SATs. I just can't do them. Sorry.
you say that i have no idea about the things he did or ahs done
he tells me EVERYTHING
and at least i give a **** enough
to make sure everyday
that he was ok
you may have got him to place where he feels safe
but its safe from you
you dont know him
you will never know him
{CDT&CLT forever- December 9th 2011}
RYL Family: crazykat is my stalker, trailsofpain is my guard dog, tonightXweXfall is my psycho mouse, Red is my irkin invader, Mechangel is my muffin thief, rageagainstthemachine is my beloved sister, DeadIrishD is my banana cream pie, scaredofme is my cheesecake of perpetual lovelyness, binkydonkey is my pie
"I'm kissing the past goodbye. There's more to me than you"- Jessica Andrews.
I am beautiful, amazing & I'm done with all of you who bring me down. You no longer matter. I need people to build me up, not tear me down. Do that on your own time, not mine.
Oh, by the way.
Your a pain.
Have a nice life.
Last edited by DisenchantedxRomance : 28-02-2008 at 08:56 PM.
Reason: I needed to add something.
Im sorry it has to be this way, all secrecy and lies but you know how OC I can get and I know you understand but I need you not to, so please, just cuddles and accept the fact that Im not ready for the relationship to move any faster.
A little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can’t get over it....
♥ Davo
2022111007
