They meanies. They is. Didnt do anyting cuz my dady to scared has her tak way cuz boys went way. she nees go. she bad girl. boys worse but she stil bad.
and gots question.... spose be mad or angry at people who hurt us?
been wonerin for lil bit but i not asked.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
*hugs* She is wrong and should be sent away. It's not your fault. There's no way you're "supposed to" feel, but it's normal to be mad and angry at them.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
Oh, I thought that's what you were saying. Some people are mad, some are just sad, some are hurt, people feel a whole mess of different things. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to feel though.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
well... arent state people spose to? people found out then it just dropped. thas all. nothig more. but jus proves my point more tha people in iowa stupid. not all iowans but they dont do **** :( they is who i mad at.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Maybe if you yourself spoke to someone at children's services it might help the situation. If you called or e-mailed them to say what's happening it might help. Otherwise your dad might be telling them watered down stories of what's happening.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
my dad didnt say any stories. he was in room when katie first started sayin things and he had NO clue. only minor incident few years back but he dont remember. he always exaggerates to. A LOT
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
They keep wanting me to talk about her, i don't want to talk about her to tell what she done, what she made me do, i really don't, i wish they would stop trying to get me to talk about it about her.
why do i even have to?
so she cant do things to others. help protect others incase. she not nice lady savannah. and only you know what happened which is why they is askin. but itll be ok. take your time tryin tell em what you can
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
They already know some of it so i don't know why they need to know more, i don't like having to talk about it, it don't feel ok to talk about it all feels bad and wrong.
i'm not sure how to say what i want to say, it's not really making any sense. This is all coming out wrong not the way i ment it to come out.
I am sorry
I guess I may be an odd fit for this forum, being a little older than most posters I've seen, I pitched up here at random so may not stay, but I want to write this somewhere and if it sinks without a trace, then no loss.
I used to self harm in my late teens and early 20s, but it was never serious and only went on for a year or so, I've had problems on and off with depression since my teens, but it's mostly under control now and I've accepted the odd flareup as a fact of life that can be endured or dealt with.
about 11 years ago I got involved with my ex wife. I had always had an attraction to 'broken' people and she fit the bill, she had an eating disorder and a coke habit and was already divorced once at 19. But I loved her and thought I could save her and when she got pregnant a month and a half into the relationship, I did what any love-blind fool would do and agreed that of course we should keep the baby, a little later we married, although not directly for that reason.
Things were never smooth but as time went on they got worse and eventually I left after about 5 years together, it would have been sooner but I couldn't bear to leave my son who I love with all my heart.
Over the last 5 years our relationship as divorced parents has gotten better if not great and at least I've never been stopped from seeing my son although that has often felt like an implied threat, whether in my mind or in reality, I am not sure. I've never been able to view my ex as a real friend or let go of the past.
a couple of nights ago I had a conversation with my girlfriend (a more loving and supportive partner I could not hope for) trying to explain the various ****ups in my head. She compared the way that I talk about my ex and specifically the excuses I make for her as sounding like a 'battered wife'.
The more I think about this the more right the comparison feels. damn near every one of gloriar's basic rights of a relationship (a great post BTW, it rings so true) was violated, I was left feeling wrong about everything, wrong just by being me. It took me to the point of considering suicide before I finally left. It put me on Prozac, because I was such a 'depressive headcase' but which I magically didn't need any more once I left her.
Nothing I did was right. Everything had to be her way, there was no compromise. When I was in the wrong I was yelled at and then expected to just get over it in minutes and not hold any grudge. Everything I did was taken as having the worst possible motives. I felt like a slave who was ordered rather than asked to do things. all through this I felt like I had the options of putting up with it or loosing my son and being alone forever. as time went by I tried desperately to change to be what she wanted, what she said I should.
I lost my self, 5 years on I still find it hard to know who I am. I still feel fear, even terror when I have to deal with her (at least once or twice a week, to see my son). Even as I type this I have to stop myself making excuses for her (she was going through a lot, it's how she was raised, she's gotten a lot better, it's not easy being a single mum).
All this while I loose sleep, because she has mentioned, oh so casually, that she might go and study abroad for a year and take my son with her. I can't tell if it's a last stab at me because she has so little left to hurt me with or if she's just oblivious to any feelings I might have.
The sick thing, the really sick thing is that I almost want her to do it (she almost certainly won't she has always been full of big plans that dissolve as soon as they require any effort), so I can be free of her. Even if I never see my son again.
I want to be free of the fear.
sorry for the essay, seems I had more to say than I realised.
Sam
Thank you Sam for bumping this, its a shame this thread has died off over the last few years because I would have found this immenselly helpful.
I posted recently about my abusive ex best friend, after reading some of the posts in here I feel much less alone and more validated about what she did to me.
Thank you for creating this thread and I hope it can go on to help newer members.
I'm starting to realise she had a huge part to play in my lack of self esteem. And the screaming and the voices are her; not a demon and not 'me'. Now I just need to work on making it stop..
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
