I almost got ran over today because I disocossiated in the road. Don't even know what triggered it.
How can I manage it of im not sure what the trigger is?
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
Really wanting to reach out and talk but too anxious to message people. I thought my money was stolen but it turns out someone spent it on alcohol. I don't even drink!
I hate this so much, how do other people cope? how do you get along with the other things in your head? I just feel like mine is full of monsters. I don't know if I'll ever live happily with this condition :'(
I'm finding myself dissociating a lot today.. I'm getting triggered out often and when I've been out for a while I begin to disconnect and it feels like I'm floating in a really odd way. It feels uncomfortable and I feel mildly sick with an odd headache, it feels like a weird pressure from the inside of my head.
It's uncomfortable and I'm unsure how to cope with it because I can't switch easily yet. I find it hard to go inside and even coming out is a little bit of a struggle. So when I need to switch I end up just feeling like this for hours and it feels awful, it's like I don't quite feel like I can breath properly and my concentration levels are low unless I'm super focused on something that relaxes me, which isn't much..
Ugh, I'm talking too much. I just hate this feeling and I need it to stop, really. Please just cut it out, brain.
Nik.
We've been dissociating quite a bit as well. The recent holiday, associating with the host's family and some recent traumatic events have left us quite scattered. We wish you the best of luck in trying to cope. If you need to talk, feel free to PM us! <3
Today has been hell. I've had no energy to do anything and I've been too dissociated to do anything. I haven't been able to move things, pick them up or put them down without usually knocking them over because I can't tell where objects are. The derealisation is pretty bad right now, I can't tell how far away anything is or how big it is.
I've been close to switching all day but it never seems to go smoothly for me. I end up with one hell of a bumpy ride outta here and it sucks. My head hurts, I have no energy, I can't seem to concentrate on anything at all. I'm really feeling awful and I just wanna switch right now but I also have stuff to do and this feeling has gotten in the way of all my plans.
Dissociation feels dreadful. I wish we had these feelings more under control. I need to find some grounding techniques I can actually do..
Leean - I have found keeping a journal for the others to be a good way for them to communicate with me and each other, as well as write what they've done during the times they've been out. Have you thought about keeping a journal like that? Please feel free to message me, this condition can feel very isolating, but there are people on this site willing to listen.
Orchestra - One odd but actually useful grounding technique taught to me in a trauma/dissociation psych unit was to freeze an orange. That way not only is it cold to the touch, but you can feel the bumps and smell the scent. So that works on a few levels - texture, smell, temperature. Don't know if that's helpful, but maybe it's worth a try?
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I feel like I'm getting nowhere in therapy, or it is extremely slow going at least. I always feel like I've wasted sessions. The therapist knows what he's doing, but I just can't get over the "weirdness" of him using alter names - heck, I don't even like using them and I don't know why. So we spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to just get me past shouting at him to stop every time he says their names. Then an angry alter has been coming out the past three times towards the end of sessions and it takes me by surprise because she never used to come out with my previous therapist of 7 years. Then after the sessions I have to try to get with it and stop her residual feelings of intense anger that I can't remember what they were about during the session. It happened again during this morning's session.
Has anyone ever felt "weird" hearing or saying the names of alters? If you did, how did you get past that? I feel like, having been diagnosed and talking about this for so many years (though not as much nor with someone as qualified as this therapist), I should be past that point by now.
Horizon, I am only in the early stages of exploring DID but I too find the idea of different names (and genders) pretty odd. I guess it might be weird to hear someone use the names because alter identites can be so private and tied up with all sorts of uncomfortable experiences. I also find it a bit cliche almost, as if I'm somehow a fake. I don't know if that resonates with you at all but I'm sure you're not the only one to feel this way.
I have a journal now, got one especially for it, so far nothing. Feels like I'm trying to communicate with the tooth fairy or something, leaving books out and "please write" on it and getting nothing so far... maybe I should leave it and not check it for a bit? Being me too obsessed with a response could be putting them on edge? :/
It's good that you got a journal for it and have written in it to encourage parts to communicate.
It can definitely feel strange, but it's important to remember that it might not happen immediately. Maybe you can write what you hope to accomplish via the journal down in it so that parts can read it and understand what they should use the journal for, or ask a general question to get communication rolling, if that makes sense.
Horizon:
Thank you for the your suggestion. We may try that at some point and hope that it helps.
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Today has been rough and for the majority of it I have felt mid-switch but nobody has been coming out. I'm not used to being out anymore and I'm honestly hating the feeling of dissociation, I certainly haven't missed it.
It's a trauma anniversary today and the body is in pain and doing that annoying monthly thing, so that's caused additional triggers.. I hope tomorrow is easier. I can't cope with another day that feels like this.
Had a major setback and considering checking into a hospital too scared they might say I'm dangerous or making it all up and keep me there for good.
Don't know what to do anymore. Each day feels like a bigger struggle than the last.
I'll figure something out.. always do.
It feels like nothin will help and I feel like an outsider in everythin. We're not ok, I'm not ok. I hurt and I don't think anythin can help me right now. Maybe I'll always be broken, maybe I'm unfixable like they say I am.
Spent the entire day with real bad dysphoria n it's makin me dissociate loads. Spent the day sleepin n cryin fer 12 hours over not lookin like me out here. Started the day pretty good, I was stable n then it all went way downhill. Meh..
Have been in and out of hospital for issues with other parts doing reckless behaviour that nearly cost me my life several times. Holding out and hoping things will get better after these issues but it's so hard to stay positive about it all )':
Sending hugs and support to all those who need them x
I've never posted in here before.. dissociation is pretty new for me (only in the last year or so) and it's so scary. It's getting much worse and more frequent. It's really difficult to know my triggers which I think makes it more difficult too. I'm just not sure how to keep myself safe at the moment. Bleh yeah it's all a mess.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
Been gone a while, not sure what's happened, all I know is I have a lot more therapists and people checking in on me daily than I did before whatever happened.. well, happened.
Alive, hanging on, but geez dissociation sucks hardcore.
I've spent the last three days extremely dissociated and the things that usually ground me are not working anymore :/ it's also a really really bad month as it is.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
You say you have no idea of triggers for them, could you write down after each one what happened immediately before it to see if theres any sort of pattern. Other suggestions would be ot do a grounding exercise every half hour or so to make sure you are continually 'grounded' as far as possible.
elina- I do as well in addition to what chinahorse said could you also maybe chart your moods before you start to dissociate if you can? that may help you find out your triggers as well
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
