Ricky...
Six years...you've left me to this world's devices. I'm still not over your untimely death. I wish you would have called me, talked to me. The way we always did. Bring a smile between the abuse and obligation to life. I wish you would have held out to see that we weren't trapped the way we thought we were. I can still see you sitting across from me on your mattresses, laughing about things that had happened to us that were...so wrong. I miss you dear....and I still think about you everyday. You're so beautiful. I hope you're at peace... you deserved it.
I'm not running away, been fighting this so long
Such a price that we pay, we gotta be so strong in a lie... I'm tired, induced euphoria (induced euphoria)
to help me move along (help me move along)
I wanna meet my maker in peace, I want to feel alive again
So put that smile back on my face and mix it strong my friend
'Cause I can't feel my face
I won't struggle on In a world so cold In a world so wrong
Dad...
It's been nearly 13 years now. I still think of you. A lot, in fact. About how my life may be so much different if you hadn't... if... you hadn't been taken away. I get told that I look like you. During the days where you're all I can think about, I stare at myself in the mirror, hoping to see you staring back at me. But it's been too long and the photos can only show so much...
I used to send cards to Granddad, making it "Grandfather's Day" instead. He was a great man, but never replaced you. Then he died and I sent them to your brothers instead.
Uncle Trev I know has tried his best to be the father figure I need. He talks to me about you. How much you'll be proud of me, how much you love me. I find it hard to believe... though I desperately want to. I want to be your little girl, your princess. I want to go back to the days when I could ride on your shoulders... that's one of the few worn memories I have of us together.
Sometimes I make things up in my head. Scenarios... I'd go into your room, with a cup of tea (or did you like coffee?) and wake you up with a hug and a smile, asking if you slept okay, and if you want your father's day gift. It ends there. I never know what to get you. I suppose all I can really do now is send my love to you and think about how much I miss you.
We'll be together one day Dad... maybe then we can reclaim all those lost days and memories. Until then I'll try to be the daughter you'd love to have, instead of this mess I have become...I promise. I love you.
Happy Father's Day.
xxxx
Last edited by AutumnMoon : 21-06-2009 at 11:33 AM.
You'll never see this. I don't believe that you're floating in the sky somewhere. I don't really know why I'm writing actually. I just miss you, after all this time. I barely remember you - I was so young - but there's this little gap where you should be. I think I see it more when I'm with my gran, she's so lonely and bitter now, it's so sad. She misses you so much, but she never would say it you know, she never talks about how much she loved you, she never says she loves anyone. And I wish she would. I love you, and she does too and I know you knew that. I miss you, that's all.
Hi Grandad tom, grandad jim and nan Ivy!
Are you proud of me?
I hope you are, i made it to 18 and everyone say's how well i'm doing in life. I'm working towards being a doctor like i always told you both. Ok i'm not going uni for two more years but i want it that way. I've brought a band new car off my own back see not bad for someone who got kicked out of school. I remember want you said grandad tom " don't matter if you go school or not you will make what you want out of life and get it. You can be anything you want!" and you were so right and i'm going to grab it with both hands.
I hope your all ok up there, have you seen my friends Lucy and Chris? if you do tell them i love them.
love you all.
xoxox
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
So you were never really given a chance in this world, which is probably fot the best to be fair. It's a bit of a **** hole. I feel like my future has been taken away, but i'm glad also in a way, i don't think we were ready for you, not yet, maybe time will come and we'll meet again, maybe in another life time when we're both cats [i love that saying]
Hmm Remi Germain, such a beautiful name, for a baby never meant to be part of this world, i can't even imagine how she feels, but i do know that the family felt it, we all did and although you were never here, you shall be truely missed, you are simply what could have been, but one day will be, you shall never be forgotten, because all the plans and all the excitement, all the things everyone was plannign to do, buy, get, the memories we were thinking of sharing, they'll always remain with us, but all this for no arrival, i miss you already and you were never even born.
I don't know what to say, i cried at your funeral, i guess, you'll alway be in our hearts and you'll always be a part of us, but her more then anyone else.
it was 6 months on saturday... feels like yesterday. I can't think about that day, about you, about the time inbetween without just breaking. its so unfair. I miss you so much... everything is empty without you near. i just feel like no-one cares. except dad... but liz is trying to drag him away from me, i know it.
I don't know how I'd cope if I didn't have him around, without you... and I don't know what I'll do when he goes eventually. there will be nothing then, I don't think... nothing, and no-one.
I know I'll be with you eventually, and whilst I know its not my time, not yet, in a way I can't wait. being without you is something like torture... mental torture.
Ian,
It's been 3 days since you died :( I can't believe your gone though. when Jaye told me you died i was in soo much shock i didn't know what to believe, You was such a hard drinker and seeing like it killed the family. They hated seeing you like this. I really hope your at rest now, away from the pain you suffered :( Watching you slowly die killed everyone around you :( Sorry you left like this .. See you soon.
Sleep Tight
R.I.P Ian
27/06/09 x
We Never Said Goodbye ; We Said See You Later
Cos One Day We'll Meet Again
Unil Then You My Shining Stars
Rest In Peace - Nan ; Grandad ; Jamie ; Ian ; Micheal ; Edward ; Dorren <3 x
9 years today i miss you and love you so much i wish i had just 5 minuets more one more hug one more kiss one more chance to see your smile im sorry i couldnt save you
I really, really wish I could've done something to make you stay, but I couldn't, and you're gone.
Nate's dad---- I'm sorry. Nate is extremely proud of you. Be proud of him.
Brendan - I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know. I'm a bit mad at you for leaving and not sticking it through, so you could tell me what was going on and we could've gotten through this **** together.
babe i need you to do something for me i know ive asked you to look after my twins but please look after ruby we miss her and worry about her she is so tiny and needs looking after i cant bare the thought of my niece feeling alone love you all loads
happy birthday granda!!! missing you so much!! its hard to believe that it will be 2 years next week!! i still regret not going to the hospital on your last birthday to see you!!! im sorry i never really got the chance to properly say goodbye!!
i hope you are up there with dad watching down on me, havent really been doing that great recently, but hope that you and dad will watch over me!!!
love you both so much and miss you's love Catherine xxx
