I'm down about my skin but generally better than I was when i came here. I'm on day four of no passing out or self harm which is a massive relief, it's been good to have a break. I'm heading back from my mums to the hostel now. I really want to escape into my head and go to London but I can't risk it right now. It would be a really bad bad bad idea. I'll try and talk to hostel staff later today. At least I have their support which is good. I'm thinking of cancelling my appointments this week so I can focus on stablising and my skin, what do you think? Bad idea? It's just when I saw my cc I was basically passed out on the sofa so there doesn't seem much point in seeing anyone until I'm actually well enough to engage. I'm taking bandages back with me and plan to wrap up when I'm home!
The reason you are posting here and texting people is because it's 2014.
Why don't you believe us?
I understand to a point how confusing it is, I had a seizure the weekend before Christmas and I was convinced it was April 2012 and it was scary as hell when people pointed out the christmas decorations and said it was nearly christmas. But I had to accept it because why would all these people be telling me it was december 2013 otherwise?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Because I *think* this has happened before and I've ended up sectioned.
I don't know why I don't believe you. It just doesn't make any sense to me. It feels like 2007. I remember 2007. My home, life, everything is there in London waiting for me. Surely? I want to go somewhere where things are familiar and makes sense to me. Where my life is. I can't think of any reason/way you'd all be lying to me but it just doesn't make any sense. It should, just doesn't.
I need to get to London. Only I need to make sure I don't get sectioned. When I find out a way for that to happen, I'm out of here.
Everything will be ok once I'm in London.
You know it's happened before, you posted that ^ only 2 hours ago.
You could go to London and not get sectioned, like you could stay in a youth hostel and spend a couple of days down there if you wanted to.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Here are some news events from the last few years, do any of them sound familiar?
iPhone 3G went on sale
TV show Glee came on the TV
Netflix become available
London hosted the Olympics
Prince William & Kate got married (& had a son, George)
I get that it may 'feel' like 2007 but if you think it through, I reckon you 'know' on a logical level that that isn't the case.
While I would normally agree that there's nothing wrong with a spontaneous trip to London (rather a fan of those myself!!) whenever you do that, you also seem to do something that gets you sectioned (we all know that a spontaneous holiday is not enough for that to happen!) in which case, it would probably be a good idea to avoid it.
What do you get out of doing this, do you think? I do understand that things are confusing, but you also do seem to have some level of insight and realize that it isn't, in fact, 2007, no matter how much it may feel like it, and you do know that you've done it before, so to keep doing it, you must be getting something out of it. I think it would be worth having an honest think - not necessarily posting here - about what that might be and how you could better get those needs met.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
