I am relatively safe tonight - Adam's here now and I can't do anything to risk my parents or brothers finding out about my suicidal/depressed feelings so I'm stuck living tonight. I have some extra tranquilisers saved up so I'm gonna take a few extra to make sure I sleep. It's not ideal but it's gonna get me through. Crisis are qlso meant to be calling me later - my social worker has asked them to.
try not to take extra tranquilizers, at least not on a regular basis. you don't want to get to the point where you need a ton of them to sleep. your body can get used to them just like it can get used to other drugs and need more and more to get an effect.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Could you give someone the tablets? If I had mine (just got prescription today) I would more than likely take them all, but my fiancé has them to keep me safe. I know you probably don't want to, I wish Jordan didn't have my pills, I feel like an idiot letting him have them, but it is keeping me from taking them. could you do this?
I can't tell Adam about the plan because he simply see's it as a plan to leave him...which it isn't exactly. I tried to give adam my meds but I can't feel safe without them...I know it doesn't make sense but being out of control of them gives me panic attacks.
I couldn't even answer my phone to my social worker. I fail. I'm at a complete loss. They only 'care' because I said I was planning suicide...they left me completely for a month at a time I was going through hell and REALLY needed them...they'll just abandon me again.
I know it could give you panic attacks, but maybe a quick 'here Adam take these and don't let me have them' would be best anyway. Panic attacks are better than ODing. I havnt got mine, I feel so trapped, like I have no way out if I need it, but I'm safe. Which, ok, im not completely happy with, but I can rationally see that it is best.
I am safe tonight...I've given them to him for now. I feel panicy and moreunsafe but I guess it is better. Logically...just not in my head.
I can't call my social worker now...he's more of a 9-5 Mon-Fri kinda social worker. I tried crisis. They said to try sleeping and call back if the urges get worse ^.^
