I lost my car the first time I went to a mall in Atlanta. When I exited the mall I didn't remember which entry I used and went out a different door. Problem was, that it was already dark and I only knew that the car I was looking for had the colour red. I didn't even know what kind of car it was or the licence plate. Walked around for almost an hour until I got to the car and I was so happy when I finally found it! I remember walking around and pressing the key thing to unlock/lock the car, hoping that I would see the lights blinking when I was close enough for it to work. Haha... it's kind of a funny story now, but I felt super helpless back then.
yolo, do you have a therapist or someone else you could talk to? It sounds like you are dissociating and it's good that you already know what can trigger it! Maybe you could ask a friend to watch what is happening while you are dissociated, that way she can take care of you so you don't hurt yourself?
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
*massive hugs Oliver* I'm thinking of you and hope everything will be fine!
The following content has been hidden - Reason : might trigger + Ladystuff!
Ok, so. I'm having my period, which somehow triggers me/us. I used to not get triggered by it but it's the 3rd time now that I have lower belly pain and I have memories coming back since then. Or it's probably the other way round. I have the pain since I've got some memories back!
I hate this and I think I'll call a gynecologist (or whatever they are called in english) and ask them to put me on birth control so I don't get my period anymore!
I hate this and I don't even know why there is less switching during this time of the month! Wish I coould take a break and let someone else be on the outside.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
well today was a tough day, I feel all over the place now, had flashbacks at the school which then caused Malcolm to start taunting me.
Other things too have made me angry/annoyed, plus very very suspicious.
Laura, I haven't read your stuff in your trigger box, sorry, but anything related to ladystuff is a massive trigger for me, but I hope whatever it is you can find a way through it.
Howw are you Kerry?
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Oliver, I understand that you haven't read it and I put the trigger warning there so people that are unsafe don't read it. Hope you are better now that you are back at home! I sometimes get hypervigilant when I'm triggered, it's hard for me to sleep then.
Kerry, yes, we are having a therapist and he knows about the pain. He doesn't know that it is also linked to my period, but I don't think I want to discuss that with him. Hope I can convince a dr. though. In therapy we are discussing other things and I have 'locked the pain away' so it doesn't bother me usually. Problem is that we are multiple and there is always an alter that has something urgent to discuss with our therapist. I guess we could go there on a daily basis and still have enough to fill all the sessions. It's tiring to have so many people in our system that always have so many different problems. Makes life more interesting on the good days though.
How are you all??
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Hi guys I'm sorry that it was tough at school can you do anything to keep you safe? That must be so tough and complicated Laura sorry my head is jumbled but I'm thinking of all of you. Hang in there Kerry. Sorry I'm all over the place I've just got in from a night out with a friend bits of it were hard and I felt quite fearful at times especially walking home and when people who were drunk got rowdy. I just managed to stay grounded though. My eating disorders nurse is having me do a traffic light system to help me show people my distress levels as I'm quite shut down. I feel guilty for needing it. Leaves hugs x
try not to feel guilty for needing the traffic light system to show people your distress level, it sounds like a really good idea to me. Well done for managing to stay grounded the other night.
I told my GP about when the ambulance was called the other week that I was watching it happen to me, she said it was called something like depersonalisation and it is quite common when people are very anxious, which I was.
Hope people are doing as ok as possible.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Kerry, if you don't know how you are feeling it certainly wont help to keep trying to figure out how you are feeling. When I'm like that I try to do something that makes me feel something positives. I'm trying to paint with positive coloures on the white sheet of 'emotions' paper.
Uglyduckling, please don't feel bad for the traffic light system. I think it could be a good gadget to help you express distress. If you don't like it then that could be a motivation to try and learn to express distress with words instead?
Oliver, I've had this thing where the perspective changes when trauma happened to me. The last time that happened when I was having an riding accident with my horse. I guess I'm kind of used to it by now.
Anyway, I know how scary it can be to watch yourself from a different perspective, because it can feel like you aren't able to do anything at all. As if you aren't in control of your body anymore, because you are hovering above the scene. *hugs*
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Today I was only 'there' in the morning, because somehow Luna (4 years) managed to come to the outside and she went shopping with mom and later she was doing laundry! LOL... imagine that. She was hanging up the laudry really neat though. That was a nice thing to do, and I guess she had fun doing it.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Hugs Liddy and Laura . Not feeling well makes everything so much worse. I have an anniversary on Thursday and I can't turn the horror in my head off xx
Uglyducklin, just remember that anniversaries are the same as any other day. Whatever has happened has happened. Nothing can change that. And if you think about it you live with what happened EVERY day so blowing this day up to something unmanageable is pointless when you walk round with whatever happened anyway. Does that make sense?
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Absolutely Liddy. I'm back to feeling numb and disconnected and I'm too tired to formulate thoughts. Probably a blessing. Makes a change to have coped better with an arguement with my mum even though I feel guilty and ashamed it didn't spiral. How are you feeling today Liddy ? What's wrong Kerry? Leaves hugs x
