Oliver, I used to go to group, too. Quit because I felt like it was exhausting me more than helping, and I never talked with them about abuse. And when I tried to explain to them that I'm multiple they were just confused and I cold see in their eyes that they couldn't wrap their head about the concept.
Anyway, I hope you find a therapist you get along with. If coming out was important at the time it was exactly the right thing to work at - talking about anything else probably wouldn't have helped you much.
Getting more anxious, cause the appointment with mom is today! Aaah
Ok, so I planned that she could drop me at the stable after the appointment (it's kind of on the way) so I could go for a ride. Plus I have to look after the hind hooves, because they are getting too long and a small piece chipped off yesterday. So I'd be distracted for a few hours and don't have to sit around at home with mom being there, too.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Good luck Laura thinking of you. How are you now Kerry? I love horses Laura I so miss having them. I want to set up a horse behaviour business when I'm better. Is your horse barefoot? Hugs to you and gentle wither scratches to your equine friend. Just got back from taking my dog to the vet. I feel so low and exhausted I now feel pinned to the bed. Sorry I'm moaning .
Thanks, yes, Romero is barefoot. 2 reasons: 1) hoofes need to be able to be elastic in order to pump blood back up the legs (there is a saying that a horse has 5 hearts, because of the 4 hooves). 2) I can't afford to have him not barefoot, and I can take care of the hooves myself when he is barefoot (did a weekend class like 10 years ago)
We're leaving for the appointment now. Urgh. I almost feel sick, haha. I turned into a chicken - was braver when I was younger.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Thinking of you Laura. I hadn't heard that saying I love it though. I have everything crossed For you. I don't know things feel out of control. I need to disappear and restrict . I'm scared I'm losing it right now. Sorry to go on. X
I'm sorry to pistol again . I just feel so violated fat and awful. I barely held it together over dinner I had a flashback helping my mum do veg. I just feel trembly and disgusting. I don't know how to feel more in control. I'm sorry to ramble x
uglyducklin and Kerry, sorry to hear you are both struggling, here if either of you want to talk.
I think I dissociated on the way home from my meeting today, I can't remember getting home, I must have walked, but no idea and then when I got home I was exhausted and have slept for 9 hours straight, and I normally sleep a lot when I have dissociated. today was tough, going back to the same building and now someone on facebook has invited me to like a page about my secondary school, which shall not be happening, but just made me rememeber everything.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Hi Oliver thanks I don't know I still feel a bit shaken still. I'm sorry that you were reminded of school these reminders are so hard. How was yesterday Laura? How are you doing today Kerry? Thinking of you all xx
Thinking of you Laura. I hadn't heard that saying I love it though.
^it's a german saying, so it's unlikely you've heard it.
*hugs all*
The appointment yesterday was ok I think. I didn't get much out so our therapist took over and he explained really well. I think my mom is still 'digesting' all the information, but she took it well. Today I jokingly said to her that it would have been easier for me to tell her 'Mom, I'm a lesbian' haha. No offence to lesbians, I'm still not sure if I straight or bi or lesbian. It doesn't matter anyway as long as people are happy.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Well done Laura! You could have taken the easy way out and not told your mum, you showed a lot of courage.
Sorry you don't feel so good Black Swan, here if you need to talk.
Uglyducklin, I can relate. I often feel fat and disgusting too. I dissociated for a minute during therapy today - she timed it, lol! Then I got off the chair and sat in the corner clutching my teddy, dunno why.
I'm gonna leave some safe, warm hugs so if anyone is feeling low and wants one they can take one. So many people struggling at the moment, it makes me sad that others suffer similar to me coz I sure as hell hate how I feel at the moment.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Thanks Liddy I'm sorry your session was difficult. I'm so anxious I have my session today and I'm scared that I've not done my homework properly and that she will be annoyed. Sorry I'm rambling . Takes a hug and leaves a pile of cuddly toys.
Good luck uglyducklin and remember you did your best with your homework and thats all you can do, your best. (do you have a name or prefer not to have one used?) Takes a cuddly toy.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
I had a hard session today.
I felt angry but numb at the same time.
I spent the majority of the session looking at the floor.
I couldn't stop shaking.
I heard his voice saying "no one cares" and told K that it's her job to care." After the session I felt so bad. I know she cares in fact she goes out of her way to help me. She said she understands and it's okay to feel angry.
I still feel so bad.
I'm not seeing her on Fri but she said to drop her a text if I feel like a telephone call to check in. I said I'll see how I feel.
I just feel so bad for saying it's her job to care, but I'm sure she knows I know she cares and it's the mans voice in my head telling me no one will care.
My legs feel so weak so I'm sitting in a cafe having a coffee as physically can't get up yet. I feel so weird.
Hi I'm new to this thread the last couple of weeks iv been blanking out last Tuesday I ended I lay the train station n today iv ended up cutting my face n look like Frankenstein how can I stop this from happening I'm really scared
Sounds like your dissociating yolo. Maybe you need to track back and see if there were any triggers on the days these events happened. If you can identify something, anything, try and avoid it or if you can't be creative and think of different ways of staying in the present whilst in these situations.
Make sure you clean your face with some form of antiseptic as thats the last place you want to get an infection on. If it's still bleeding you need to cover the cuts no matter how daft you may think you look. Otherwise I have found that leaving facial cuts to the fresh air leads to quicker healing.
Sorry you're having such a tough time black swan. Sending love your way. I'm sure your therapist will understand so don't worry about that sweet x
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
I got my car lost in a multi-story car park once and became hysterical to the point that I had to ring my friend to drive to me to calm me down and help me find the car!
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
