Helen, I'm sorry. So often I just don't know what to say.
Esky, it is sunny here! Forcast for Friday is 100F which is about 38C.
lil-princess I will miss you and hope to see you soon.
Ally, where are you?
Hello to anyone i've missed and please don't be upset that I didn't mention you by name. I'm spit with names. It doesn't mean I don't care about you.
I'm now involved in helping the older sister of my 17 year old find the 17 year old. It is a balance between trust and the girl's life.
I'm outta here, got to go to the meeting to unlock the room and make the coffee.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Helen, no, I know I've answered a few... But it seems that mostly folks just aren't saying much either. I've felt ignored a bit recently too.*snuggles* please stay.
Hello Susan-mom, I'm here... Just had a busy day... Exhausted and plagued by suicidal thoughts (funny because they don't really come with the feeling they usually do... They're just calm and matter of fact...hmmm)
Take care all
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Ally-daughter I kind of understand about those kind of suicidal thoughts. I'm not there but I understand.
I'm flat and worried and so tired that I think i'll have to catch up on my sleep just to be merely tired. And I am the one pushing myself so hard. I'm triggered a bit too, more that I want the physical evidence of what a mess up I am. that is not new for me.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
susan, do you really need to be pushing yourself sooo hard? you really keep sounding like you just need a good sleep.
helen, why did he tell you not to go back to your dr/counsellor?
emma, how are u?
ally matter of fact thoughts can be just as scary as other ones i think, cos it can seem like suicide is becoming more a normality to be when i get them, and when im in better moods that scares me.
hugs to all. i think most of us are pretty quiet right now. sometimes its just too hard to talk much, even though we all care.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Nah I can see my doctor (I'm thinking about going to see him) and my counsellor, just not people who are psychiratritsts ingeneral, cant really remember why erm think he said I didnt need them or something. LOL ask Emma :)
Oh God, he's mad with me. I was rude yesterday, I admit it. But I apologised. I thought we would be ok. I need him here and he's mad at me so will probs just disappear into the library to work. I need to hug him. I need a big big hug and to be told that everything will be ok. I don't have that though. I'm beginning to regret buying those theatre tickets now. £70 each and by the way we are going we won't be on good terms to enjoy it.
Sorry, am not ignoring anyone. Just having a really really tough time. It is not my intention to make anyone feel like that
*hugs everyone*
Helen, you know I'm not ignoring you hun. I am just doing a little crappy atm and I answer your texts as soon as I have time, but I can't keep checking my phone 'just in case'. *hugs* I hope you are feeling a little better today. The reason he said to stay away from psychs btw was because they like to prescribe meds and the meds themselves can cause symptoms and he doesn't think you need meds but some psychs will give them to you anyway thus making you worse in the long run. Have you called back the counselling center or the self harm group therapy thing yet?
*hugs Carole* I hope it sorts itself out hun and you have a wicked time at the theatre. What are you going to see? Quick tip for you: some places let you turn up on the night as a student and be seriously discounted tickets. We went to see Wicked in London and instead of paying £60 for top tickets we paid £25. Bargain!
*holds Ally* Stay safe and strong hun. PM me if you ever need to chat (although I won't have net until Sunday pm this weekend). Take care of yourself sweetie xxx
How are you doing Chloe? Jeremy? Callie?
*offers Susan warm hugs* Hope you manage to get some sleep hun x
*pokes around for Zowie, Amanda, Alexx and t'other Emma* Hope you guys are ok *leaves a pile of hugs and soft toys for you all to snuggle*
Emma, I know you have no phone at the moment, but I just wanted to say not to beat yourself up about crying at the grave side. It is natural and you had the strength to come back when her mum got you. You could have refused. I'm sure your friend would have been very proud or you, and especially your beautiful reading. Don't punish yourself about SIing, you have been doing so well with it and are going through an incredibly difficult time so forgive yourself for the slip up sweetie. I hope you are doing a bit better.
As for me...I am getting ready to drive to Nottingham and be girlyfied by my gay friend before going to Manchester on Saturday to a big full evening wear thing with all his family who I have never ever met before. Not really looking forward to it tbh. 1) I have the obvious issue of scars and also one wound from 2 weeks ago which still hasn't healed. He doesn't understand self harm but is worried his family will 'think your mental' when he has told them good stuff about me so far and has never seen all the marks. I am going to try and cover them up with coverup (haha yeah right), a shawl thing and bracelets. I really don't want to wear gloves but I also don't want to deal with the nasty comments from complete strangers.
2) We are staying with his extended family and I *hate* staying with people I don't know really well. I don't know why, it's just a thing I have and am really uncomfortable with and I have never even met these people.
I haven't cut for two weeks now and it is driving me insane. I want to be by myself and completely, well, have a big self destruction session I guess. God that sounds ****ed up but I have been holding all this in since my Grandpa died and before. I genuinely think these have been some of the three worst weeks of my life. In the order they happened
1) Finding Boyfriend cheating with a friend of mine
2) Grandpa dying
3) Having to sort out care arrangements for my Grandma
4) Seriously Falling out with a lot of my family
5) Finding out there is a real possibility of me having to withdraw for a year or failing my exams
6) Even if I do pass then my housing fell through for September AGAIN so I am now homeless
And other small things that I just can't be arsed to write about. In short, I want the entire world to stop. I want to get off. In fact I just don't know what I want but it isn't this.
Sorry for that being so long, thanks if you managed to read it down this far xxx
So I met him in the library and left without saying much as just couldn't hack being in that room with so many people. Apologised via text and agreed that he could come up to my room. He asked a load of qus (some of which I couldn't actually bring myself to answer aloud)
OMG. The tickets for the theatre show were a birthday present for him and now I've got these tickets (totalling £140) and he apparently can't come. The show is Monty Python's Spamalot. He is a confirmed Python fan and I thought it would be something he'd really enjoy. It feels as if he's just created an excuse not to be with me that eve.
Went to get in the lift up to the floor and he said "theres no point me going up as I won't be staying" It was just as if he was just abandoning me. I rushed into the lift and kept pressing the button for it to go up, Soon as doors had shut I was in a heap on the floor sobbing. I hurried into my room again. This is where I find myself now (however, the tears have retreated) alone in my room.
