@ sapphire hearts
I like Mute.Scream's suggestion of trying to communicate with your possible alter, just to see if she's there and what she'll say.
I know of a few DID forums that a friend of mine uses, I could PM them to you if you'd like. They might help you get more information about how to communicate with your alter.
edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mute.Scream
Does that make any sense?
It makes sense to me! I can definitely relate to the 'coming back' feeling and not remembering things. I find it really scary to come back and find that I've been actively doing things that I don't remember... I guess that's the autopilot, though, it's scary.
Thanks Rawiyah, if you could PM me the sites I'd really appreciate it. I tried sitting with paper and a pen, but nothing happened, I wasn't dissociated though, so...? I don't know. I'm confused, and very 'stream of consciousness' right now.
*hugs to anyone who would like them*
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
It makes sense to me! I can definitely relate to the 'coming back' feeling and not remembering things. I find it really scary to come back and find that I've been actively doing things that I don't remember... I guess that's the autopilot, though, it's scary.
^hmm... yeah. Maybe that's part of the Ego States? I think it's called dissociative amnesia?
@ saphire hearts: maybe write a message to Sarah and put it somewhere in plain sight. Then wait a few days or weeks (until you dissociate again) for an answer. I don't think it works if you just sit there with a pen and paper.
I haven't tried it myself, because I know that I don't have an alter so it wouldn't make sense to try it.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
The amount of time I'm losing is becoming ridiculou now. It hasn't been this bad in years. I'm forgetting what day, year, and month it is. I can't hold onto a thought. I saw one of my alters in the back seat of my car last week, briefly.
I just feel so disoriented. None of them are writing in the journal. I don't know what's going on or what's set this off. Usually I have a generally cooperative system after much work in therapy on that.
*hugs facet* I hope you can sort everyone out honey. I can't imagine how scary this must be for you all.
Laura, I'm not sure if I have an alter or not - it was once incident, and I was very drunk, although I don't remember drinking that much. And everyone with DID seems to be very aware of their alters, whereas no one has ever spoken to me or contacted me. I guess I'm just confused. I don't feel like I have other personalities, and apart from that one episode, no one close to me has told I'm acting like a different person, more like I'm a robot.
I don't know. Is it possible to lose time and act strangely, or act normally, during those periods and not have full-blown DID? Apart from anything else, the worst parts of my abuse happened well into my teens, although admittedly my childhood memories are pretty sketchy.
IDK.
Katie x
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
Not everyone with DID is very aware of their alters. I usually have absolutely no clue what's going on in my system.
If it was one incident when you were drunk, I wouldn't get too hung up on the idea of an alter. Dissociation is on a spectrum, anywhere from daydreaming (normal) to dissociative fugue, dissociative amnesia, depersonalization, derealization, etc, to DID at the other end.
I have no idea how I got home. Not unusual lately, but kinda worried as I was driving. Since both myself and the car seem fine, I'm not gonna worry about it too much.
How is everyone doing? *hugs to anyone who wants them*
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
*hugs all*
I have the attack thingies again. Bad time for that, I'm not allowed to hurt myself, cause if I do I wont be able to go to the specialized ip program where I want to go.
Now I'm super scared that I might hurt myself while I'm dissociated. It's not like I could control it.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
There is always a feeling of utter darkness, rage, the feeling I will lose, clawed hands holding me down, when my mind threatens to lose itself and bubble away to switch minds to a certain creation, and the feeling of pure hatred and rage when another is threatening to take over.
It is an awful feeling that I did not miss since I started these meds that surpressed it all, but are now near useless.
On the edge feeling.
Oh what a beautiful day for us.
We have been looking for ways to trust
Things will unravel the way they must.
And when you see it it's simply the greatest of things.
You'll be grateful the rest of your life.
TinCoin, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hope things get better soon.
Laura, I know it's scary, thinking about what you might do when you can't control yourself, but you have to focus on the things that make you feel good. Maybe you can't stop it from happening, but when you are present (the word I use when I'm not dissociating, don't know if it's correct terminology) remind yourself that you don't need to hurt, that you are a lovely, kind, wonderful person. Do you have any self-soothe rituals or things that might calm yourself? *hugs*
I think I know what happened that night with *Sarah*. When I was younger, I used to pretend I was another girl, one who didn't deserve what was happening, who wasn't me, and I picked Sarah as the name of the girl I would be instead of me. I think I got stuck in a flashback. I had one today, of myself, at maybe eight or nine, looking in the mirror at school pretending to not be me. And then... the flashback goes on. I would like them to stop.
Hope everyone's okay x
Last edited by sapphire hearts : 22-06-2012 at 04:58 AM.
Reason: spelling mistake
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
Katie: Usually it wouldn't be a big deal for me if I cut while I'm not in control. I don't care that much about my body. But I want to go to a clinic that's specialized in all my diagnoses and it's part of their policy that I don't harm 4 weeks befire I get there. They want me there in 2 weeks (I think... they didn't give me an exact date yet) and I'm not allowed to harm. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself because of the no self harm part, but all the pressure I'm putting on myself seems to make things worse. I managed more than 3 months sh free, but only, because I was telling myself that it is ok to harm but I don't have to. Now that I'm not allowed it is a lot harder not to harm.
TinCoin: sorry you are feeling this way. Could you talk to a psych or someone who prescribed the meds? Maybe they can change the meds to something that's working better for you.
Katie: sorry you are having flash backs.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Laura, I understand how knowing you could SI if you wanted to helps you to not. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself? I know it's really difficult, and really scary, but you are so strong, and you actually want this help so badly. *hugs* I hope things go OK, if you need help PM me.
Appointment Tuesday with GP. Going to try and talk about what's been happening, if I can do it without getting all spaced out and stupid. I hurt myself while out of it last night - I don't remember doing it though. It's been a long time since that happened. Flashbacks worse. Maybe even going on Tuesday is a waste of the dr's time. What happened happened. And it was all my fault anyway. I'm pathetic. Thinking about cancelling.
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
Hi. I've been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder however no more info was given to me. I asked and they said the specifics did not matter. How can I learn more about my condition and how to manage it without really understanding what is wrong? Any links or advice would be appreciated.
The Mind info on Dissociation is good place to start.
What I'd do is do a bit of reflection on how you feel the different aspects of dissociation do or don't apply to you [e.g. disconnection from body/surroundings/others/mature reflective adult functioning, what happens to you when you're dislocated in time and space,] and take it from there.
The Mind info on Dissociation is good place to start.
What I'd do is do a bit of reflection on how you feel the different aspects of dissociation do or don't apply to you [e.g. disconnection from body/surroundings/others/mature reflective adult functioning, what happens to you when you're dislocated in time and space,] and take it from there.
that.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
I'm dissociated too much today. I can't feel my legs and can't walk properly because of that. No idea how I'll make it to JuJitsu today. I hate it when I'm dissociated so much.
Does anyone else here dissociate their legs and can't walk because of it?
Also: I'm really triggered and feel like self harm is the only way to make it better. But I'm not allowed to harm, because I want to to ip in a specialized clinik and they wrote me a letter saying that I'm not allwed to self harm 4 weeks before my admission date. I don't have a date yet, but the lady on the phone said that they are going to write me a letter with the admission date 1 or 2 weeks before I'll be admitted there. I really don't get the system here but it's all complicated and I already called my health insorance twice today to ask them if they are going to pay for the hospital and they said that they don't know anything about it.
Last edited by Laura2.0 : 25-06-2012 at 02:42 PM.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
This may be a weird question, but it is possible for trauma in adulthood to bring out dissociative issues or ego states caused by trauma in childhood that were previously buried?
Katie x
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
This may be a weird question, but it is possible for trauma in adulthood to bring out dissociative issues or ego states caused by trauma in childhood that were previously buried?
Katie x
I think so, I think that's often what triggers off previous buried ego states and dissociative issues. I've seen that a lot with people in my life anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellatrix
Hi. I've been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder however no more info was given to me. I asked and they said the specifics did not matter. How can I learn more about my condition and how to manage it without really understanding what is wrong? Any links or advice would be appreciated.
http://www.isst-d.org/education/faq-dissociation.htm has some good stuff. The Stranger in the Mirror by Marlene Steinberg really helped me to understand it, its layout is really good and it has short questionnaires at the end of the sections to help you allocate your experiences into the right categories, I think we might have a copy, I'll try to dig it out. x
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