I don't know why I ****ing bother. Like a good little girl I called the crisis team because thoughts of ODing and cutting were getting a little too strong and apparently they are too busy to speak to me right now. Well great. Hello? WTF is the point of a crisis team if they don't talk to you?
I know the feeling Emma :/
I called the crisis team the other week...because I was so down I couldnt even sleep. And not only did the guy REPEATEDLY call me Alice (despite me literally spelling my name out for him) he just told me to get a drink and go to bed :/
Thanks for nothing
Right, thats it. Enough is enough. Crisis team who I got TOLD to call by a+e if I wanted to cut just told me that it is fine to self harm provided I am not trying to take my own life. It seriously seems like that is what they want me to do, try and kill myself. Except I have a foolproof way so, thats what they want...who I am to ****ing disappoint? I am obviously not worth helping so what? I could fake trying to kill myself I suppose, but I don't want to do that. **** them, **** doctors, **** my friends who just don't get it, **** everything, hell **** the whole damn ****ing world.
Emma darlin'....I know the crisis team are absolue shitheads at times...in fact...most of the time...but please keep fighting...for us?
We love you so much...
I mean christ...I dont know what I wouldn't have done without you before hun...
Please try stay safe?
*hugs you gently*
I wish I knew what to say to you to make you feel even a little better than you do now - that is the wrong reaction from the crisis team - if self harming is OK as long as you live - then what are so many people having to have therapy for - and why do we all have to cover it with long sleeves etc - Ofcourse it's not OK - it's just something we do when we need a way of coping - a pain we can understand. Dont' ever do it to prove someone else right - be strong - how about prooving them wrong instead - proove that you are worth helping. We are all here for you. Big Hug to you
Sweetie. These are totally wrong reactions as was yours for you Alex :( It's not on at all. Emma, please keep fighting for you, for us, for a chance of better things to come. I know how ****ing hard it is. I really do, I think everyone in here does. But I know you can get through this. You just have to believe there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh Emma, I'm sorry you're having such a time of it. Please, hun, hang in there... We're love you SO much*massive hugs*
Hello there Katch, and welcome to the virtual psych ward
*hugs Helen, Alexx, Emma, Zoey, Jo, Callie, Cloe, Jeremy, and anyone else she may have missed*
----------------
Oh dear I am tipsy and well on my way to drunk I feel awful. Evidently my mom knows I'm taking meds. She also knows about therapy and she knew I was drunk the last time I talked to her on the phone... and brought up cutting and therapy even though she knows I don't want to talk about it. I had a good time, most of the time, but those things kind of put a damper on the weekend and so I drink, and I'll cut later... Oh I want to be sick :s
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
*snuggles Helen*
Love you sweetie. Take care.
*retreats to her corner and cries*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
SO drunk atm I thank God for a handful of things: alcohol, my razor, and my friends and family.
*curls up in her corner and trys to sleep it off*
And water, I am grateful for water...
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Only thing I got done today was the shirt. No bagging stuff for the fumigation, no laundry. No clean out. I looked in the cupboard under the bathroom sink, closed my eyes and just closed it. But if I get going it should only take me 15 minutes to look at stuff and decide what to toss and what to keep.
Husband was paying bills and realized the registration on my car is overdue. He paid the bill but it is incomplete because it needs a smog check and we don't have the new sticker. Husband said that he will drive it tomorrow since I have to drive 10-15 miles for my monthly psychaitrist appointment so I'll use "his" SUV.
Emotional thing "dizzy" means still light headed with exaustion. I'm so wound up with the fumigation this week. I'm afraid our little condo (townhome, flat) will be so poisoned that we won't be able to come back. I'm worried like anything about taking care of a 19 year old cat who is a total homebody and is somewhat senile.
Birthday dinner with mom and law has been postponed because two of her grandsons were helping her and moving some stuff for her but they fiddle-farted around and she called to ask if she could put it back an hour but I know those guys and suggested rescheduling. But we will go over next weekend for Mom's day and on the unlikely chance that my dad or sister phone, have a reason not to go up.
Uh oh, just saw time. I'd best get some supper. Picking what to eat by looking at packets and boxes, cans will be okay through fumigation.
I'm so tired dingy that I'm having trouble keeping track of everyone so;
*gives cuddles to everyone*
Last edited by blondiebear : 05-05-2008 at 03:18 AM.
Reason: add something
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Susan, thank you for your continuing support. I am so glad you joined RYL *offers hugs*. I promise to reply fully to your posts tomorrow when it is not 4.20am over here.
Thanks for the support everyone :) Katch, I promise I am not always this demanding lol. My PM box is open if you ever need someone to talk to.
*pounces on Ally* seems like ages since you have been here. Glad your weekend was not too bad. Has your therapist said any more recently? *sneaks a swig of alcohol of Ally* How are you doing now hun?
*shouts for Chloe, Callie, Carole, Katey and anyone else may have missed*
Welcome Katch. How are you? And actually emma is always this demanding :p haha.
How are you emma? Have you managed to calm down at all? it totally sucks honey, the crisis team and NHS in general are just all tits :p it's awful the type of reaction you get - and you alexx - but please try not to hurt yourself. do you know why you feel so bad at the mo? how is your wrist?
sup jeremy.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
i'd suggest calling crisis but.... they sound pretty crap.
sorry not much use today but i'm here, yell if i can do anything xxx
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
Really sorry to hear about your granddad Emma Please remember we're here, and please don't think this is your fault or anything. Also, I imagine you might feel guilty at some point for not going this weekend, but you needed that help on Thursday and stuff.
*lots and lots of hugs Em*
How's everyone else doing?
Me....I'm okay, just really tired. Need to do my college work thinking about it
I feel awful. Evidently my mom knows I'm taking meds
and so I drink, and I'll cut later... Oh I want to be sick :s
