The Christian SIers thread

[Zombie..]

Am going to an Alpha group tonight and am very nervous
for the first time in months av gone to a group ill be there without my husband ( my husband is an atheist and he not interested this group ) eating as well
most of the time am too scared to do anything like this but i thought id try it
my husband will be dropping me off then picking me up at the end of it
i can call him and ill have my prns with me
i really want to do it but am scared about it also i dont like being touched
anyone been to something like this ???

[tamobhuuta]

I've not been to Alpha but I hope you find it helpful and not too scarey. good luck!

[Zombie..]

my sister came with me to the alpha group but am unsure if she can go on thursday as she might have to work
my husband and i went to a church service this evening at 7pm
there where no kids there ( am scared of kids )teens and adult were there
had a meal before hand then a coffee
it was so welcoming and friendly the music was good and the reading from the bible and the person who talked about it after was good made me cry a little
i couldnt stand very long while i was there during the songs so i had to sit down

on Wednesday the 29th of October there having a service for people who has lost someone
my step dad killed himself 3 years ago in September id like to light a candle for him
my husband said he will come with me

[tamobhuuta]

that sounds positive. I hope you can go to the things you want.

[silentgirl]

I am just struggling with my faith and depression and self harm urges. Just wanted to see if anyone has been in the same situation? I know people do not always use this thread but am just feeling alone at the moment....

[lord of luck]

right here... pm me if you want silent girl.

[Isoverity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by silentgirl

I am just struggling with my faith and depression and self harm urges. Just wanted to see if anyone has been in the same situation? I know people do not always use this thread but am just feeling alone at the moment....

Sure most people struggle - and I find most people don't understand their faith issues. They see a "code of conduct" they are supposed to live up to and get mad, upset, disappointed when they don't. That's not how things work though. "Struggling" actually makes things worse, Being upset makes things worse. Hating yourself makes things worse. If people could save themselves from problems then they wouldn't need faith. Freedom comes from rediscovering the self via grace -- which can't be earned - not can it come if people are hating themselves, problems etc. If people are depressed its a good bet they are angry about something even if they don't recognize it (because they suppress it)

[Kelly-Louise]

Hi im new very new here but see here i do go to church but sometimes i feel very judged and looked down and sometimes people will not anwer mu questins and just think im crazy or stupid because i stuggling with my mental illness it like they dont see the real me any else get that or understand were im coming from

[Isoverity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kelly-Louise

Hi im new very new here but see here i do go to church but sometimes i feel very judged and looked down and sometimes people will not anwer mu questins and just think im crazy or stupid because i stuggling with my mental illness it like they dont see the real me any else get that or understand were im coming from

Maybe you don't need to go to that church. There are bad churches just like there are bad schools, businesses etc. I would also be careful about expecting people to see the "real you". I mean you can hope for it but don't expect it and then get bummed out. If you find the real you you won't care what other people think. It takes awhile to grow into that so dont be in a rush

[Kelly-Louise]

maybe i don't know it seems difficult

[Fred!]

Hey my lovelies.

I hope everyone is doing really well and looking forward to Christmas.

I would really appreciate prayer. I'm caught in a really destructive cycle at the moment, and the only break I feel that I can get is to overdose and go to hospital. I hadn't done it since September but with all the stress of Christmas, I did it again last week.
I'm fighting so hard to not wind up there again before Christmas, but people keep changing plans and I hate that. I'm also not going to be at home for Christmas because my brother is going to be at home and I can't see him.
I am feeling very pushed out and alone at a time when most people are talking about friends and family, etc...
I'm going to stay with my grandparents but I feel so left out, and stressed :/

So yeah... some prayer would be much appreciated and I hope everyone has a super Christmas.

[Aubergine]

I will pray, Fred. *hug*

[Buttons.]

So will I.

[talaiporia]

Merry Christmas. :)

[Fred!]

Thank you for praying.

I had an ok time. I managed to not overdose (everyone thinks that's good...)
I spent a few nights with my grandparents and returned home on Saturday.

I'm exhausted. See my GP tomorrow (she won't be happy after the most recent overdose - everyone thought I was doing so well having gone like 10 weeks without one, but I knew it wasn't going to last).

[Buttons.]

It does sound good that you've managed not to overdose as frequently as maybe you have previously but I'm guessing from the way you phrased it 'everyone thinks it's good' that you disagree? Can you say a little more about why you perhaps think it's not good?

It's perfectly naturally to be exhausted when you have a lot of emotions to deal with, my only advice would be to try and be kind and gentle with yourself, maybe have a relaxing bath, take time even if just half an hour of you time, watch something you like and is chilled out, or read something you find easy and enjoy.

Hope it goes well with the gp.

[Fred!]

I find that I kind of like hospital. I feel safer there, and I don't get the urges so much. I don't particularly want to do something to end my life but if I ruined my liver, or something like that, I wouldn't be too fussed. I've been calling it 'passively suicidal' for ages, and someone used that phrase the other day as well.
I know that the ODing hurts my family, and I know I'm not really taking that much. I try to take more and my body refuses. rofl...

People say to go to A&E before I end up taking something but there's no point here. I haven't actually tried it but when my brother did it, he stayed in over night and then they sent him on his way.

I just want to damage myself. I live in the hope that one day I'll end up dying, I just don't want to take that step.

I've decided I'm not going to go into hospital next time I OD. I don't really take that much anyways, the Parvolex makes me throw up loads because the anti-sickness stuff doesn't work. I will just stay at home and be sick and then they won't know, and my community team won't find out and have a go about it. Everyone will think I'm doing great.

When I was discharged yesterday, the Dr came over and said 'you were here in mid-December weren't you? I thought I recognised the name.' then he asked me if I'd seen on the news about the hospital being in an emergency state on and off loads the last few weeks, and I said I knew. He asked me why, if I knew about the situation, I had still done it! I was like 'I tried not to' and he said 'ok'. Then he asked why I'm not engaging with the community services. I didn't bother to try explain to him that I've tried and tried and now only seen the new person 3 times and it's not like I can just stop ODing.
He then went into the corridor and was talking to someone about me laughing at the questions. I was laughing nervously because my anxiety was through the roof with knowing I'd have to get a bus to go home. I took huge offence at that as well, cos he didn't see me during the night when I was desperate to hide in the bathroom and cut. Or when I was literally sitting on my hands to stop myself pulling the cannula out of my arm while the treatment was going in.
I left the hospital suicidal. Praying for the bus to crash, then when I got off the bus in the city, because I had to get the bus to meet dad to take me home. I was desperate to buy as many tablets as possible and could hardly focus. Thankfully my friend was really calm and just kept talking and persuaded me not to go back into poundland and buy the tablets. She got me to just get a move on and meet dad. But it was difficult.

I'm not sure whether to report the Dr in question. What he said made me 100 times worse. I don't remember his name but it should be somewhere on the paperwork. The nurses were all lovely.

Really tired and feel so unsupported. My case manager doesn't reply to texts, and my old online counsellor isn't replying to my emails either.
I've just started going to church again after a 2 year break, and they're nice, but they're not professionals. My GP is just fed up. lol. She says she doesn't know how to help me.

[Fred!]

hmm... sorry for the essay :/

[Aubergine]

You don't need to apologise, Fred. *hug*

Is there anyone in pastoral care at church that you could talk to? I know out church have a dedicated team who support people who are going through a hard time. They're not necessarily professionals, no, but they're often trained in faith-based listening and it could be really beneficial. I'm not saying it's a replacement for professional MH support, but it might help whilst you're feeling so low and struggling to get that sorted.


I got baptised today. It was amazing. My Mum, a non-Christian, bought me this:



I love it. :)

[tamobhuuta]

congratulations Aubergine :)