Lyssie- sorry you're having a tough time just now, hoping you find some level ground and clarity soon to release your anxiety a bit
Chelsea- try not to worry too much. I think sometimes perhaps because i have been aware of things within me for a long period of time that i am, perhaps , more resigned to missing out on some things.... its hard to accept, and scary to experience. Do you have any internal communication at all or are you completely co-separate? If you're able to communicate- despite it not being comfortable a lot of the time, its normally helpful, whether this be an internal or external process- even if you are co concious you might not be comfortable with internal communication. Try to go with your gut feelings as to how things sit with you and others....i've found the key to communication is sticking with gut feeling on how everyone is reacting if there is no 'actual' communication.
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feeling/being made to feel stupid. i don't think its deliberate and its not about me, i mean- being made to feel stupid in the sense that someone else is projecting their feelings onto me.
admittedly right now things are... well dates.times.places.colours.sounds.shapes.noises.
its all a bit much
looking over my shoulder again, suspicion. its starting to really effect my functionality. normally i can brush things off to some degree... but things are too strong. its the right year . its the right time. i know my 'paranoia' isn't as irrational as it might first appear. granted it seems to be being channelled in the wrong direction, but i think thats escapism from the real issue. its easier not to admit that there is Real reason to be terrified. if one can make things ...'trivial' for want of a better word... perhaps thats easier? its not. it just makes things seem pathetic, because appearances suggest there is so much disdain over things that aren't really issues at all...
the reality is just far too big to ...expose.
im so ashamed. it has to be completely secret.
don't want to be harming. genuinely concerned that its going to happen. bad again.
always when i hold off, seems to be taken as punishment, its not, just dont want the body harmed any more. too much hurt already
no arms- at all.
nope. has to be hidden. has to be kept away...totally secret.
people can't see. even if wanted they Can't. they don't know how.
have to hide.
things have always been secret. so many secrets. so many things that can't be told. why change
To an extent, we can communicate, although some are very quiet.
A few days ago, someone said something really normal, nothing triggering, but it set off like panic?...and since then the time loss has got worse but I don't know if that's connected...? I wasn't aware it was even a trigger, just a really normal question. But it shook something up. That probably doesn't even make sense, sorry.
If we can keep our journal hidden, then we can try that again and try to see what's happening.
we have a horrible feeling that someone is begining to .. emerge?... All this, it's so confusing... But we think that it's a she and she's really quiet at the moment... maybe it'll pass but it's worrying us...
Don't like Change. Maybe it's the stress of exams next week started something up?
To an extent, we can communicate, although some are very quiet.
A few days ago, someone said something really normal, nothing triggering, but it set off like panic?...and since then the time loss has got worse but I don't know if that's connected...? I wasn't aware it was even a trigger, just a really normal question. But it shook something up. That probably doesn't even make sense, sorry.
If we can keep our journal hidden, then we can try that again and try to see what's happening.
Thank you, both of you :)
makes complete sense. things that are triggering to other people can be different from your triggers... i know some that i've become aware of are Really obscure. Could just be that it was a shock for others that someone got brave enough to talk out- or even the personal fall-back of anxiety of the one who was courageous to begin with.
also i said to ash i'd add a video thing that i made on DID...
but it could be triggering so please don't watch it unless you're safe to do so. there aren't any pics of SI or anything , and its not deliberately triggering or any of that... but ye.. its a sensitive subject and i'll take it back down if its a problem .
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I realise that things are nice and calm on this thread again, but things were getting a bit tense a few posts ago and the mods were alerted to it, and so we just thought it was important to post a bit of a reminder on this thread, to please be respectful of each others' right to post on this thread.
There are many different people (and alters of people) who are using this thread as a means of support and to communicate with each other, so its very important to be tolerant and respectful of each others' presence here - even if there may be a person, or an alter of a person (or even one of your own alters!) posting on here that you dont usually get on with.
But everyone (alters included) need to be mindful of the RYL Rules, and realise that any insults, or flaming, or making anyone feel unwelcome on this thread or this website, is not permitted at RYL .... and we all have a right to be here and to post as long as we dont break the rules of the website.
So that's all .... and I do apologise that this reminder from the mods is being posted quite late and AFTER everything has calmed down and apologies have been made (which the mods really appreciate, and are very pleased that people are managing to sort out disputes by themselves!) ... but we just thought it was important to still say something about this and make sure the message had been received and understood by everyone.
I was just wondering, in terms of healing/treatment, what were your goals for managing/treatment of DID (i guess Dissociative disorders as well)??
Becci, loved the youtube vid. Think i'd seen it before actually :P
Having a slightly easier time.
Felt like T understood a bit more, I definitely communicated better. Yay!
She said she didnt think hospital would help right now, but in a couple of weeks when communication is back it may be.
its me, not this thread...it is very welcoming here. its just that i feel very unsafe and insecure....vulnerable.
this isnt new to me but my therapist has recently given what ive been struggling with for years a name. dissociative distress. its the first time in years that someone has understood and made sense of whats going on for me
the pnly way i can describe how i feel is that i have an angry leader inside of me who has to be listened to, a really young and vulnerable girl who is incredibly shy and another who gets upset really easily and is afraid of confrontation.
what my therapist said makes total sense to me but then part of me doesnt want to believe it
it can be very scary to hear someone put into words what we have struggled for alone for many years. i can very much identify with the different parts of your personality that you describe - i would say i have those parts too! i think maybe part of the work is to build up and work with that frightened part that is scared of confrontation, so that they can say to the angry leader "hey, that's not good for me, so i'm going to do this instead". then the angry bossy leader gets a bit quieter, and everyone can work together.
something that helps me sometimes if i am too frightened to write in a thread, is to write in white text, or in a hide box. there again, i don't want you to feel like you need to hide here. there is something to be said for allowing your voice to be heard. maybe it'll take a while and that's okay.
its not so much that i am afraid to post. its what the parts of me want or dont want,
or feel uncomfortable with or allow. I feel very much under the wing or control of the bossy one.
Shes incharge of us all
Hey grace. You're making sense. i'm not quite sure what i can say as i'm in qutie a state at the moment. sorry i can't be very helpful but if you PM us we'll help be more supportive.
Alice
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
What am i? Why do i even exist? Do i exist? am i real? Am i even a person? I guess i don't matter.
Ruth's left me because i'm an alter. she says it's too strange having kyle as host.
somebody, i won't say who, was talking about us. they didn't understand but they made me think.
They said that kyle should have some way to get rid of us. we need to go, because we arn't even people. we need to die. He spoke to me, like i wasn't even real, like i don't have feelings? i'm so upset at the moment. I don't feel real. I don't feel like i should exist. I don't know if hurting kyle would help anything, maybe prove my existance? I feel so horrible. i'm just a ... a thing.
sorry for the pathetic rant.
alice.
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
Alice, I'm sorry to hear about the situation with Ruth, how are you holding up?
I don't think hurting Kyle would be a good idea. It would hurt you as well and it would make things more complicated for the lot of you.
Hey Grace, welcome.
What if you just share as much as you are all comfortable with?
Laura
How are you at the moment?
Kat,
i understand what you mean. It feels horrible. (((safe hugs)))
I feel a bit crappy today. Got hammered last night, so a little hungover and tired..
I think my arm got infected. It's quite warm/swollen numb in parts and sore and icky in others. Whoever cut may have nicked a nerve or something.
I've been dressing it daily and putting betadine on it, so hopefull it will improve.
