I never wear make up Carrie - ever. Well i haven't for atleast a year and a half. I used to take pictures every 4-6 months all the time, do my hair, do my make up, and just take hundreds, then save the few i liked. I don't do it anymore. I tried once, but my face is so much fatter i can't bare to look at them.
But i always put a front on - it's how i have existed so long. Worked, kinda, until now, where a smile takes all my energy.
I don't really wear make-up either - you can tell by the pics in the Compliments board of me.
I bet you are nowhere near as "fat" as you say you are. I have put on a load of weight this past yr and half so I understand that it is difficult to get used to a new version of yourself. Weight is not a permanent thing, hun in any event.
I too do the whole front thing but the HR manager I had a meeting with today saw through it whereas the professionals don't
Why don't you try posting on the mh board in the bpd thread or your own re experience of that med? Have you looked it up on the internet to see what it is like?
I really want you to reconsider Laura, I really do!
Thinking of you!
btw I didn't reply to your text as I was scared as to what the "morbid pm" was that you wanted to send. I do still care. Please keep in touch via pm/text.
*hugs and tried to keep safe*
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
We need you here. You know what you are? You're a fighter; it's clear to me now that is what you are, and your standing up for what you believe in around here has allowed me to do the same & not feel so alone. And to feel like I know you a bit better, too.
Please, reconsider. Honestly, the world as I know it would be lesser, for knowing you had left.
P.S. You can be big and beautiful at the same time... and I have a sneaking suspicion that you are, based on everything I know about you thus far.
I wish you wouldn't all be so nice and supportive towards me. It makes me feel terribly guilty and it makes me just..not know what to say anymore. I do appreciate it, of course, but at the same time..i just, gah, i don't know.
I've finally lost my appetite - it's the first thing to go when i'm this unsafe. I should be thankful really, not eating for a few days will do me more good than harm.
I'm awaiting a call from Gemma - she said she'd phone before lunchtime but i know what she's like. Fed up of waiting around for her. Frustrating. If i ignore her she'll only barge into my house anyway or set the crisis team on me so i feel i need to comply.
I'm still not changing the plans and i'm sorry to dissapoint. Right now i can't turn back after coming this far. If i fail, IF, which i hope to god i don't, then i won't have no choice but to take up with the new AP's. Until then. It's all systems go.
1.30pm. Gemma & My consultant psych are coming. TODAY. I didn't know they were coming today.
OMG.
I don't know what to say or do and now i'm having a panic attack and i cant f*cking breathe, and i have no Temazepam.
*sits with you*
Laura, it'll be okay, you'll be alright. Try and just calm down as best you can, focus on something other than them coming, even something to ground yourself like a teddy [..for example..]
And please consider the AP's because they might be able to help and give you a new lease on life.
In any case, am here for you and will sit by you today.
*plonks self down*
xxxxxxx
Wish i had a teddy. You have so many, can i borrow one?!
I just don't know what to say and i'm getting worked up about it. In an hours time i'm going to be sitting in my living room in awkward silence not knowing what to say. I mean for godsake, why put me in this situation? I find it terribly frustrating. I'd rather see Gemma on her own not with someone i barely know.
I won't give over details which is what they want. I won't have the crisis team - under NO circumstance will i have them - and there's nothing else they can do.
Please consider the AP hun - have you looked for info on the net about the one they are suggesting? If you don't want that one, they can prescribe you a different one.
*hugs*
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I don't want to take any AP, i'm fed up of taking things that never work, i'm fed up of being hounded by people who never even listen to me (service wise).
I'm fed up of living a f*cking fake life, i've not wanted to be here for YEARS, i even remember when i was 8 watching a Freddy Krugar film and wishing it was me being stabbed to death so i didn't have to see my next f*cking birthday.
The AP might work though. You said yourself that the Risperidone helped. Maybe if you just give another one ago. You would only delaying your plans by a few weeks and seeing as you have fought this hard for so long what are a few weeks going to be?
I'm sorry no-one understands you and that I can't help make them understand.
*hugs*
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I was told by Gemma i'd have to wait a MONTH for it to kick in. F*ck that.
And i don't know if the Risperidone worked, my mother said she noticed a difference but i only felt a slight difference - not enough to warrant staying on it.
You might have to wait a month for the full effects and mood stabilising properties but I have prn also of my AP and can use it when things are getting difficult and that helps calm me down very quickly and I didn't ned to wait a month for it to help in that way or help my sleep.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I just got a text from Gemma saying they were just leaving at 13.32 - so much for being at mine for 1.30pm huh?
I hate it when people are late, it makes me more anxious.
And i'm getting stressed. And i have another migraine coming on and i had one ALL DAY yesterday and i threw up twice.
Not long.
But i'm already f*cking worked up now by that stupid f*cking thread in F&CQ. I hate it when people wind me up and make me repeat myself.
F*ck it. Good job i won't be around to f*cking care soon enough.
So much for sticking up for others. I won't bother anymore. They can deal with peoples sh*t themselves.
I've popped into that F&CQ thread a few times recently. It looks a little heated but try not to take anything people are saying personally which I know is difficult the way some of the posts are phrased. Concentrate on yourself and try and use this appt with the psych and Gemma.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
