Yeah I get that a lot, but it's often to do with my psychosis, which is to do with my schizoprenia, but it's also a manifestation of my OCD... I don't know lol. Anyway the Voices tell me to smack someone's head or break things or steal things or hurt people.
Normally I can compromise with Them and I hurt myself instead of hurting someone else. Cos I feel worthless and that I'm the only one who deserves to suffer. I'm very scared that the day will come soon when I have to hurt some random person and I'll get in serious trouble. The other night I had to do a load of vandalism (too ashamed to say what ).
Anyway I'm ranting... I can completely relate, I'm not sure if it's to do with OCD, I guess if you feel something terrible will happen without doing it, or if you can't get on with what you're doing, then it probably is. That's good that your friend understands you so well
Probably should mention that to your social worker or psych. They won't judge, promise. I saw my CPN the other day and he asked if I wanted to harm him, and I told him that She was telling me to strangle him and I wanted to but I wasn't going to. And he wasn't surprised and shocked or scared, he just understood. Very relieving.
Quiet1 - yep I have a lot of mental compulsions. Making certain noises or consonent sounds, everything has to be the number 5, if not odd numbers, 4 is the worst number ever, I type things or write things out in my head, I repeat words all the time - the last two things are particularly disruptive when I'm trying to read as I have to keep stopping to give myself time to type/ repeat. I don't have a certain time of the year when things get worse, but certainly when I'm struggling more or under stress my OCD gets out of control. Ironic really seeing as it's a way to control things. And picking skin, I'm not sure. Do you feel that something terrible will happen if you don't do it? Or is it just a habit you do a lot? Glad that you found the thread, you are not alone
xx
I like everything to be even. I always have to even up everything. Symmetry is necessary or it is just not right. I count 6. Every step i take is counted to 6 and then over again. I count stairs to 6. I need to check the lock 2 times and pull the door closed 2 times and then look back at it 2 times because I don't want it to blow open. Oh...the radio in my car HAS to be at an even number on the volume control or my car will crash. Those are really the only physical compulsions i have that i can think of right now. I am a pretty compulsive person, but some things are just normal. I think everyone has obsessions and compulsions.
I think the most troublesome part of OCD for me is the intrusive thoughts. Mine seem to be more manageable due to my medication, but it just causes so much anxiety when they are bad. Then I obsess over the intrusive thoughts/images and it just turns into a bad cycle.
My psych has told me that my skin picking is a compulsion. I have this need to ask the same question to many people because i doubt the validity of the answers i hear. I have only just discovered how much i doubt things. Anyways. Sorry I asked you about it. I think I just wanted to know if anyone else does that too.
Quiet - Nooooo not even numbers!!! I agree with you on the symmetry one. Though has to be an odd number on each side adding up to an *acceptable* even number like 6 or 10 or 2. I have a lot of physical compulsions but I don't really notice them too much because I've done them my whole life so a lot of the time I just accept them, it's only when things get more intrusive or scary that I'm more aware of them.
Don't worry about asking about the skin picking, you can ask whatever you want here I'm the same, I have to validate answers with loads of people cos the Voices tell me people are lying.
My numbers are 3 and 5 on checks.
I really could go on with my numbers, perfections, "must, need" things, etc, but I'm in pain right now and need to sleep for my art exam tomorrow.
ok. this is hard for me to ask because i don't really know why i need to know.
do you ever pre-determine how/what/when you will SI? planned in advance? i feel like a fake and a fraud because i do this. like its not really SI because i choose to do it in advance.
sorry that you are having a tough night. good luck with exams.
Last edited by quiet1 : 26-04-2009 at 11:24 PM.
Reason: checking
Hun, you are not a fraud.
I have done that, too. Many do. They plan, they plan with what they will do it with, how they will do it, where they will do it, when they will do it, etc.
You are not alone, nor are you a fraud.
xx
And 3 and 5 are your check numbers too? :O Weird! We have similarities. =] It never does add up to 3 and 5 though lol. I do it in 3's and 5's till it feels "right". But my checks have definitely gotten very better now and I rarely do them! But I must say, I'd cry over them a lot, I'd be so exhausted and I'd just want to fall on the floor and scream... :(
Quiet - you are not at all a fraud. I do that too. It's how I get through the day, by planning what I'm going to do later. It relieves some of the tension by imagining what I'm gonna do. What have you got planned? Have you told anyone about this?
Sarey - maybe we should form a "Yay for 3 and 5" fan club hehe. Yeah I get so frustrated and exhausted by the checks. I'm doing ok with them at the moment but sometimes it gets so overwhelming. How are you doing at the moment?
i have a thread open in the si discussion board. i have a plan to cut on tuesday before i go to the dr. i have specifics about how/with what./how bad etc. anyways...that is in addition to what i must do tonight. whatever. i am trying not to be a debbie downer.
Not at all sweetie we're here to listen And I've done my fair share of ranting before on this thread! I've seen your thread actually now you mention it. I know how scary it is planning things in advance. Any way you could distract yourself or be with other people on Tuesday to keep you safe? What do you have to do tonight? Hope you're ok xxx
i am going to be with people on tuesday. i have work, dr. appt, therapist appt, then home. in between work and dr. is where the plan will be implemented.
tonight i will have to SI before i shower. last time i ended up with bad wound. but this time will be better. i lost 2 hrs last time. i can't waste that much time tonite.
i am not out of my mind even thought that probably sounds like it.
i am so lucky to have RYL and you guys. thank you. you make me feel less like an alien.
Of course you're not an alien. There are so many of us out there like this. You are not at all alone sweetie *Hugs*
Try and keep safe tonight and make sure you look after the wounds properly. If things get out of control then come back on here or talk to someone who's around.
Hope the plan on Tuesday isn't to go too deep or anything??
Hey guys. This thread kind of died, so I thought I'd bring it back to life. (:
Right now, I'm not taking a med for my anxiety or ocd and it's driving me nuts! I'm so paranoid and I worry about everything. I have to check the doors five times. Then, I can't stop thinking about it. My bad habits are getting worse. I obsess over everything little thing. It makes me sick. I haven't been to see my psych yet. So, yeah.
Yeah my OCD is pretty out of control at the moment. I feel like so much of my head space is taken up with checking things and stuff. I feel anxious 24/7 and I guess it's a way of trying to calm myself down but you know how it is. I was put on citalopram today (I'm already on clonazepam which doesn't seem to do anything) which is supposed to help with anxiety, depression and OCD... I don't really see what meds are gonna do for compulsive behaviour but we'll see I guess.
Are you gonna go and see your psych soon? Hope you're ok xxx
My OCD gets worse the more depressed I am. I mean it's really bad to start with. I'm a clean freak (personal and others). I can't stand the fact there is germs everywhere. It drives me crazy. I shower now, up to 6 times a day and my skin is so so sore. I constantly think I smell, and my face always feels dirty. If anything is un tidy round me, i freak.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
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