Isabelle in this chapter is actually based on one of my old counsellors, who kept me safe for a couple of hours when i was under a suicide risk.
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I awoke with a light shining in my eyes and I flinched at the sudden brightness. I noticed then that the sound of sirens was blazing and we were moving; fast. I tried to sit up, but the buckles of the gurney stopped me, I also tried to remove the oxygen mask that was helping me breathe, but a firm hand stopped me and exclaimed that I needed the mask. I finally gave in, I stopped caring, stopped fighting and stopped pushing people away. I allowed the paramedics to take my ob’s and just let my mind mingle over the events of the past day.
Thirty minutes later I’m settled into an uncomfortable bed in the emergency department of the local hospital, in a ‘children’s’ section of all places; I noted that my feet could touch the end of the bed. The reunions of me and my family had involved me staring up at the ceiling avoiding everyone’s eyes except my grandmothers, the loving, caring, gentle eyes with the tear streaked face. My dear nanna was crying over me, my mother was stone-faced her wall much like mine was up once again and her stony expression showed no hint of sympathy. I had asked mum to just go away, to leave me alone if she wasn’t going to talk to me, if she was just going to stand there staring at me. She did, but I swear I saw her start crying before she left the room, that’s one thing I had never seen her do, at all. Nan tried to talk to me, but gave up within the first hour, my mumbled responses not constituting a normal conversation. I was hooked up to endless machines, tabs were attached to my chest from the ECG they had done earlier and my own personal friend for if I got lonely was sitting next to me, putting fluids back into my body.
Nan got up and spoke “we’re going Teag; I’ll see you tomorrow I promise. I’m not quite sure about your mother though” her voice was sympathetic; she gave me one last peck on the cheek before walking out. I wasn’t left alone for long though, two seconds later a nurse walked in and checked my ob’s then sat beside me. I quickly opened my mouth to ask what she was doing but they beat me to the chase.
“I’m Isabelle, a mental health nurse; you’re currently considered a risk to yourself, so until you’ve had a psych evaluation I’m your personal bodyguard.” She smiled; obviously she’d done this many times.
“Uhh okay, well I can’t get out of bed anyway at the moment, so what harm can I do to myself? Don’t bother answering that, it doesn’t matter” I shut up, ‘stupid question’ I thought.
Isabelle nodded and picked up a magazine and began to read, I absent-mindly watched her, when she looked up and asked if I needed anything I blushed and answered no. She smiled and once again continued to read. It stayed like this for the next few hours, Isabelle occasionally commenting on an article in a magazine but other than that I just stared at the wall. Until a familiar face walked into the room.
Last edited by Crayon, : 06-06-2009 at 01:54 PM.
Reason: Editing Title
Sorry its only short, and its kinda left in a cliffhanger; again.. :)
Hate me if you must.
I was staring blankly at the wall as Isabelle nudged me and pointed to the door, the familiar lean, brown-haired, best friend stood in the doorway “Bre” I sighed, explaining to Isabelle that I knew the stranger. Bre had been my support rail so many times and of all, this is the one I least expected her to keep by my side. Her mum followed closely behind her followed by her dad, my second family was missing a member, Lorien her little sister. My first thought was to get out of the bed but with my bodyguard and ‘friend’ on either sides of me I was trapped, so all I could do is wait for a squeal of recognition and the embrace of her arms.
The first thing I said after being passed around from family member to family member was “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t handle everything anymore, and I needed to get out.” The words began to pour out, as I told Isabelle, Bre and her parents everything, from the eating, to the horrible thoughts and back again.
Before I knew it, it was time for bre to go, so I could be consulted by the psych. So my future could be decided, was it in my hands or theirs?
Two hours later tears had inevitably returned, the consult with the psych stressed me out and in the end he hadn’t been able to get anything other than ‘I’m fine’ out of me, to which he replied ‘If you were honestly fine do you think that you’d be in here?’.
But in the end once my health was up to par I was being released, under the care of my grandmother, my mother still refusing to talk to me.
So two days later, given a relatively clean bill of health; the doctors confident that my heart wouldn’t succumb to undue stress again, I was discharged. The goodbyes to the nurses on the children’s ward were quick and had a sense of finalality to them, I was being pushed out the wards door, in a wheelchair as was mandatory until I was in the car, as Katarina, the girl who I shared a room with for the pass two days with passed me her teddy; Dylan.
“Look after him” she spoke.
I clutched the well worn grey teddy to my chest, hoping that one day I would meet his owner again, to return him. So I continued out of the hospital and looked back as we drove off, saying goodbye to the horrible structure that had enclosed me within its walls for the past two-nearly three days.
After settling into my bedroom at my Nan’s I sighed, the constant scrutiny over how much I was eating and my moods awaited for me outside, something I wasn’t looking forward to, but had to face. So I went and perched on my Nan’s coffee table, stroking her cat feral as he came and gingerly sat on my lap.
“I stuffed didn’t I Fez?” I whispered both to the cat and myself, but he just continued to purr, calming me into reality.
“Now Teaghan” my grandmother spoke “We’ve already informed the school of the past three days, before you go back, either on Tuesday or Wednesday, you have to rest and that includes EATING. Please hunny, you’re my granddaughter, I’m not supposed to outlive you; that is your job. Can you just try to atleast slowly edging back onto a normal diet? We’ll help, we being pa and I, you are welcome to stay as long as you want, but you have to help yourself.” She finished, giving me a stern look.
Inside my head was screaming, LIE LIE LIE!
That’s exactly what I did. “Okay nan, I’ll try” I mumbled, knowing that the lies had already begun, not even 30mins after discharge.
That night I fell into bed cuddling Dylan, sobbing my heart out, eventually sleep washing over me after feral had joined me at 3am. Funny how animals can sense something’s wrong.
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Dylan was given to me in a similar situation like this, I met a long lost friend around a year ago after talking to her on msn and facebook (ahh the wonders of facebook!) and she knew what I was going through. So she carted along Dylan, all intentions to give it to me. I still have him to this day.
The next day passed slowly and I was aching to get back into the routine of school, so Nan finally gave in and agreed to allow me to go to school the next day but to sign out at lunch due to sport; the no undue stress on my heart conditions were still in place. So at 8:00 the next day I got in the car and faced the day.
Before saying hello to anyone at school I went to the deputy’s office to inform her of my return and that I would be signing out early. Her face represented that of disappointment, one I had seen numerous times before. My immediate reaction was to apologize, but she stopped me in my tracks.
She stated “No need to apologize, we understand. As much as you may not think we do, we do. Now your grandmother has informed us of your current arrangements and if you’d like to you can apply for an aid, if that’s what you want. Also, no more skipping Friday afternoons, oh yes we know about that” I had raised my eyebrows. “Now is there anything you want to say?” I gazed down at the floor, struggling for words eventually they came in a rush.
“I don’t know what came over me; I guess I was just stressed out. As I said to everyone else, no need to worry, I’ll be fine in a week.” I continued to stare holes in the floor.
“I for one know that, that is not the case teaghan and so do you. But I don’t want to argue, so for now it’s off to class for you. I think you have Sport Life & Rec (SLR) first am I correct? I’ve already talked to your teacher and he agrees that for the next two weeks you’ll be doing theory work in the Library that period. Now go sign in and off to the library please.” She stopped speaking as the phone rand and gestured for me to get out of her office. I didn’t want to stay there anyway so I quickly got out, signed in and went to the senior terrace.
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Bre greeted me with a squeal and a cuddle, squeezing me tightly. “Bre can I have my arms back?” I squeaked.
She giggled and let go of me, her bubbly personality was always able to lighten up a situation. The next people who greeted me were Jess, who bounced over to me and gave me yet another hug, and Brad who gave me a warm hug with his tall lanky frame towering over me. Last but not least was Sam; hiding behind her fringe she approached me cautiously and gave me a tender hug as if I were going to brake at any sudden pressure. “Oh give it up” I exclaimed and patted her on the head, one thing she absolutely hated.
Right then, I felt cared and loved for, so much all but one person in my life was missing and one day I hoped that we would be able to meet. Kami, our endless conversations on msn no longer fulfilled me as they had done in years past and I badly wanted her arms embrace right at that point. I wanted her to tell me everything would be okay, and know it would be. But that was impossible. So I had to be happy with those around me now and I was.
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SLR, is very much like Physical Education (P.E) except, more slack ^_^
