There were a fair few reminders about posting those comments. We are working on the issue of the self depricating comments,it wont be forgotten about just because the threads been deleted.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
full length pictures are allowed, with no negative comments in other threads? so it isn't the full length pictures that are the problem?
Sometimes individual full body pictures can be a problem, like if someone posted a full body picture in just their underwear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Something Vague
i don't think your rules make sense. from what i gather it was the 'IM FAT' comments that were upsetting people mostly. people make those comments in all threads, even if it most noticable in the clothes thread. i can understand why the negative comments upset people and shouldn't be allowed. they don't upset me they just make me think the person is a dick. why not try harder to address the DO NOT MAKE NEGATIVE COMMENTS rule rather than delete the one particular thread.
The thread was up from the beginning of RYL V3, a year ago, and if I remember correctly it was also on V2. The mods have a HUGE amount of work to do, and if one thread is taking up all the time of a couple of mods then how is that fair to anyone else on RYL? The mods CONTINUALLY edited comments, deleted posts, PMd offenders and posted reminders and instead of getting better it continued to get worse.
The mods can not be expected to have to dedicate a mod to one thread just to monitor it 24/7. Once it becomes that much of and issue the thread needs to be removed. People do make comments in other threads, but that one was by far the worst one.
[quote=Something Vague;1025733]i don't think it is fair on those who don't make negative comments and just want to show what they're wearing. people get upset everywhere in life (including the internet) and although i see why RYL is trying to keep upset to a minimal due to the nature of the forum, i really think this is going too far. how sheltered does this place have to be? [quote]
The mods can't always be fair to everyone, they have to look out for the best interest of the majority of RYL members. If you just want to show what you are wearing see my above idea, a clothes only thread. Everyone is allowed to show off their clothes and outfits without the opportunity for self-depreciating comments because there are no people in the thread.
This place is actually pretty unique in having a picture forum. I've seen a lot of other self harm forums that don't because of all the problems that can arise from it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Something Vague
as for it being triggering to see skinny people, sorry but i think it is tough and people need to take more resposibility for looking in the picture board. you see skinny people everywhere it doesn't mean a thread should be deleted, and i do not believe it is fair. there is much worse crap posted on the forum than people posting outfits which ahs the potential to upset people.
The mods don't just remove every picture of a "skinny" person just because, they generally wait until there have been complaints/reports. Also the mods recognize that people are going to encounter people of all shapes and sizes in real life, but when they start getting multiple complaints because photos are too triggering they have to do something about it.
RYL is a safe haven for many people. A place to get away from all the triggers in real life and relax.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
It is a good idea but it would be very hard to enforce.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
full length pictures are allowed, with no negative comments in other threads? so it isn't the full length pictures that are the problem?
i don't think your rules make sense. from what i gather it was the 'IM FAT' comments that were upsetting people mostly. people make those comments in all threads, even if it most noticable in the clothes thread. i can understand why the negative comments upset people and shouldn't be allowed. they don't upset me they just make me think the person is a dick. why not try harder to address the DO NOT MAKE NEGATIVE COMMENTS rule rather than delete the one particular thread.
i don't think it is fair on those who don't make negative comments and just want to show what they're wearing. people get upset everywhere in life (including the internet) and although i see why RYL is trying to keep upset to a minimal due to the nature of the forum, i really think this is going too far. how sheltered does this place have to be?
as for it being triggering to see skinny people, sorry but i think it is tough and people need to take more resposibility for looking in the picture board. you see skinny people everywhere it doesn't mean a thread should be deleted, and i do not believe it is fair. there is much worse crap posted on the forum than people posting outfits which ahs the potential to upset people.
thank you. exactly what i wanted to say.
and i know it was already picked apart but aidey, ....(edit) ... and i can't be bothered to pick that apart.
&.
to the above. i don't see why it would be very hard to enforce. if people were simply instructed to only post pictures & no self-deprecating comments. &those who don't know/do post "i'm so fat" can/will just be reminded politley.
to be honest, i think i am most annoyed because this seemed to have happened out of nowhere. i know that there was a little post that was copy & pasted a couple of times about the comments, but thats it really. that was all i heard of it until it was locked.
also. i've always thought that the "i'm so fat lie to me" comments were/are muchh more prominent in the compliments thread anyway, even if there isn't always full body shots, maybe you should think about deleting that too.
Last edited by typsee : 25-08-2008 at 11:16 PM.
Reason: edited for offensive remark
It would be hard to enforce because some people dont listen when reminded politely not to post self depricating comments....because some people say 'oh im fat' etc flippantly.You must see the amount of self depricating comments that happen around this site as it is even with polite reminders.
Also just because there werent a lot of comments on the thread about people feeling uncomfortable about those comments doesnt mean there wasnt any of it going on behind the scenes. Also if you have an issue with the compliments thread maybe you should report it to the mods?
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
i haven't seen that many polite reminders to be honest. but maybe i am looking in the wrong places.
&i think that as a community, it should have been made clear to the community (as in, everyone) that people felt uncomfortable about these things. there's no point in this kindof stuff happening "behind the scenes" &then it being sprung on the "community" after a decision has basically already been made to have the thread locked/deleted.
also, i don't have a problem with the compliments thread. just as i had no problem with the clothes thread.. but obviously some people did and i think the same principles should be applied to each thread. maybe we shouldn't have a picture board at all?
i haven't seen that many polite reminders to be honest. but maybe i am looking in the wrong places.
&i think that as a community, it should have been made clear to the community (as in, everyone) that people felt uncomfortable about these things. there's no point in this kindof stuff happening "behind the scenes" &then it being sprung on the "community" after a decision has basically already been made to have the thread locked/deleted.
also, i don't have a problem with the compliments thread. just as i had no problem with the clothes thread.. but obviously some people did and i think the same principles should be applied to each thread. maybe we shouldn't have a picture board at all?
I think the majority of people knew about this as I posted before I closed the thread about it and the page before that had lots of comments about how people felt uncomfortable about this. Those comments coupled with reports we had from people who were uncomfortable showed us that there was a majority of people who felt very uncomfortable and upset that the thread was there.
Ok you may not have a problem with it but if you see self depricating comments on that thread and you feel that we are no applying what we have in one thread to another,then please,report it. If were not doing the same principles,then let us know.
Yes we could just get rid of the picture board altogether but I dont really think thats the answer,I think most of the threads on the picture board are fine.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I'm torn with this whole issue, I don't think it's right to tell people what they can and cannot say however I don't think these comments are necessary or very respectful. Far be it from to be preaching about respect, I do think it is a point that needs to be addressed.
Maybe reminding people to be respectful of those who are larger/have EDs and try to not post negative comments about their weight, is the best that can be done.
Nearly every thread in the picture board has derogatory comments, most definitely in the long running threads, RYL is absolutely brimming with negativity and it is all well and good for people to sit there saying "Well tough" but from what I've seen the only (Or atleast the majority) of people posting comments like these are not really in the position to understand how it feels to read the negative comments being a larger person. But I've said this before and I'll say it again, these attitudes and comments are CONSTANTLY in our faces, no matter where we go. RYL is meant to be a safe place but ofcourse I understand that it is also triggering, the picture board is not meant to be triggering and it's not even the pictures themselves causing the bother. I don't see why I, and people like me, should have to avoid a thread that we find interesting because of the flippant comments of a few people.
Look, at the end of the day these comments that seem so small and unimportant when they are posted (Or said in RL) build up when they are being read (Or heard in RL), reinforcing the idea that fat = bad, upsetting a lot of people on this website who may be overweight or suffer body dysmorphia, so much so that they begin to doubt their worth as human beings.
So if I've had a bad day and I come online to relax and I see all these comments I just want to burst into ****ing tears and I'm not alone in this.
I'm ashamed I let it bother me so much but if just does. It's always been a very sensitive issue classically for a woman but there's obviously guys who will feel the same way.
I'm guessing the thread was removed because it had far too many of these fat=bad comments and keeping one thread open at the expense of quite a lot of people obviously is not worth it. There are definitely deroagtory comments about peoples appearance in the compliments thread but I think they are less concentrated on weight and more on general appearance which I'm guessing is why that thread has not been removed.
It was definitely a cool thread though and a new one should be started, I think.
The "I am ugly and fat" comments were silly and annoying but I don't know why they should create such a fuss while at the same time RYL is linking to sex chat rooms/forums in stickies with winks from some admins who are more concerned with jokes they think are in bad taste than with genuine saftey issues. RYL is really off the beam sorry to say and I can well understand why a school/parents would block it. Little concerns become big issues while big concerns are dismissed.
Last edited by Isoverity : 25-08-2008 at 01:18 AM.
I really don't appreciate how my post was picked apart? plenty of other people posted along the same lines before me. i will not respond to everything in your reply, ~Aidey~ but;
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Aidey~
Sometimes individual full body pictures can be a problem, like if someone posted a full body picture in just their underwear.
what the hell? what suggested i was talking about posting pornogaphy type pictures!?
I kind of don't know what else to say right now. i guess it is a waste of time saying anything else because it won't change what has been decided. i think it's good to express what a joke i think this forum is now, though.
strange thoughts come into your head and you better think them.
So the what are you wearing thread has been deleted and the reasons for its deletion have been given.
One thing I don't get is this:
It was said that people were posting full body shots of what they were wearing and then posting a comment like "I look fat in that" and this was one, if not the main, reason why the thread was deleted.
Now here is the bit I don't get
Someone has suggested, and a mod said it was a good idea, that people should just post pictures of the clothes they were wearing instead of pictures of them actually wearing the clothes.
So what is to stop a person just posting a picture of the clothes they were wearing and then adding the comment "I look fat in that"?
You see what I am getting at?
If the thread became such a problem that it had to be deleted then why replace it with another thread that could equally become a problem for the same reasons? It just does not make sense to me.
Theres less chance of it happening though in my opinion.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
The fact is the Mods were being overwhelmed with reports about one thread, diverting their attention from the rest of RYL. The Mods are already stretched to their limits as it is, and for the safety of the community the thread was deleted.
Some people didn't find a problem with the thread, but a majority did. Although the waywt was well loved and enjoyable, if so many people are getting upset about it, it needs to be gotten rid of.
It is very hard in a place like this to moderate derogitary and negative posts as a lot of us deal with negative perceptions of ourselves all the time. But in a picture post it becomes a bigger problem then the poster of the comments. Why should someone have to completely ignore a once enjoyable thread because they are worried of what they will see and read? People were constantly reminded about these comments, and those reminders were constantly ignored. In my view, if you can't treat something with respect you shouldn't have it. Our community couldn't treat the waywt thread with respect so I don't see any problem with it being deleted.
As Aidey has suggested, a new thread where people only post their clothes would be much better and much less triggering. If someone says "I look really fat in this" it can be taken in a different way, such as the cut doesn't suite them etc. It is easier to ignore those comments when there isn't anything to judge it against.
The best thing would be to not argue about a decision already made, but to look forward to how we can still have a clothing thread, but in a safer way.
That's what I think anyway.
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I more than welcome your opinions of the picture board and the threads that have been removed. However I'd like to remind you that we do have moderators working very hard to try and make this website a better place for you. We don't get bored and remove things just for the fun of it, a great deal of discussion went into this and I for one am disheartened at how easy it is for you to disregard it.
The thread was a big, big issue with members reporting it consistently. It is only now that I think about how much it has been a pleasure for these sorts of things to decrease, and it actually has. While a lot of you are saying it happens in other threads - these are not being reported as fervently as the "waywt" thread was, which only suggests to me we have removed something that a large amount of people found distressing.
It's not like we've taken away your right to post pictures & you can still see what other people are wearing, it's just that particular "waywt" thread that has gone.
Last edited by Snow White. : 25-08-2008 at 06:41 AM.
Yes, but this particular post was found triggering/upsetting by a lot of members. And of course, we tried everything before we removed the thread. There were so many reminders not to post self-depreciating comments about weight, but they often fall on deaf ears and that is when this final decision was made.
And yes - with rules breed consistency. We are always going to remove those self-depreciating comments if they are complained about, and more than not they are reported to us. As for full body shots, I see no reason why you cannot post said picture in front of big ben, as long as you don't make the same comments we've had to edit out of the other thread. From my understanding, unless the member was accentuating thinness in a full-body shot, it was more the issue of the comments that went with them.
i do believe that about sums it up. It's not the PICTURE that is the problem. It's the comments along with the picture. And there were tons of warnings throughout that thread about those comments. people ignore them and keep posting. And blah blah blah. The rest is history. I think this thread is finished now. It's been explained a few times. The thread is gone, and the answer as to whether an outfits thread could be posted was answered by Typsee earlier :)
but in a community this size, not everyone will be happy. It's not possible to make everyone happy. SO you have to do what's right for the majority. *nods*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
The fact is the Mods were being overwhelmed with reports about one thread, diverting their attention from the rest of RYL. The Mods are already stretched to their limits as it is, and for the safety of the community the thread was deleted.
Some people didn't find a problem with the thread, but a majority did. Although the waywt was well loved and enjoyable, if so many people are getting upset about it, it needs to be gotten rid of.
It is very hard in a place like this to moderate derogitary and negative posts as a lot of us deal with negative perceptions of ourselves all the time. But in a picture post it becomes a bigger problem then the poster of the comments. Why should someone have to completely ignore a once enjoyable thread because they are worried of what they will see and read? People were constantly reminded about these comments, and those reminders were constantly ignored. In my view, if you can't treat something with respect you shouldn't have it. Our community couldn't treat the waywt thread with respect so I don't see any problem with it being deleted.
As Aidey has suggested, a new thread where people only post their clothes would be much better and much less triggering. If someone says "I look really fat in this" it can be taken in a different way, such as the cut doesn't suite them etc. It is easier to ignore those comments when there isn't anything to judge it against.
The best thing would be to not argue about a decision already made, but to look forward to how we can still have a clothing thread, but in a safer way.
That's what I think anyway.
This should be read several times, it is a great expression of the decision that was made, and is explained by a member - not someone on staff.
And, just to make a point about the 'full-body shots', for example, on holiday - on holiday, the sole intention of the photo isn't about your body. It's not about what you're wearing, it's about you at the Tower of Pisa, or you at the old castle, for example.
The focus of the picture is just completely different.
Sarah, I'd really appreciate a message, a post, a mod email or something, to explain why you think this forum is a joke. It'd be sad to see you go, and if there's anything we can do, or anything we can explain, that'd be brill.
As Aidey has suggested, a new thread where people only post their clothes would be much better and much less triggering. If someone says "I look really fat in this" it can be taken in a different way, such as the cut doesn't suite them etc. It is easier to ignore those comments when there isn't anything to judge it against.
Sorry but I don't agree
The thread was got rid of for some very good reasons and all this is doing is replacing it with the exact same thread in my view.
I do think one of the absolute main issues, Dead Force, was that in the thread, people were posting photographs of themselves in clothes, and then saying 'ew, I look so fat'. You can actually see the person, and in many cases, the person wasn't actually fat anyway. But, you had the frame of reference, you could see them when they were in their clothes.
If you can just see the clothes lying on the bed, and then having 'ew, I look so fat in those clothes', you have no idea how they can look - as mentioned, it could be the cut of the clothes, or anything, but you just can't see the actual focus on the persons body.
The difference is that it completely removes the physical aspect of actually seeing the person, in the clothes, claiming they're fat.
