Triggering (SI/Abuse) - I... I think I'm depressed again...

[bleedingdragon]

Xyon,
My Friend,
Hugs,
please when you feel up to it let us know how your second oppinion at your drs went. What did they say.



i will be close by my friend please talk to us and let others support

im hiding alot but will be here as much as

Dave

[xyon]

Well, the baby's born. Damn, that wasn't an easy thing.

I'm still depressed, but holding my newborn son did help. A lot.

I think quite honestly the look in his eyes when I pick him up is the look of unadulterated love.

And it makes me want to cry.

In a good way.

[bleedingdragon]

Xyon ,
*Bows deeply to you*
my friend its good to see you, i will return and reply to your
thread, im so happy you have a baby my friend

please hold on my good friend, please stay strong and i will be here for you, i just need to get my head together


i care about you mate hold on please

Dave

[bleedingdragon]

Xyon,
My good friend, congratulations on the birth of your baby, let us know mate do you have a boy or a girl.

And i hear you friend about the birth being difficult, Hugs, please tell us more if you can and want to.

I hear you mate about still being Depressed, Hugs, hang in there my friend
and try and tell us why you think your depression is still with you, we are
here for you mate.

no matter whats going on with me , I am here for you Xyon, as are others.
Just call my name and i will be there for you my friend
you will allways have my friendship
you will allways have my support

Dave

[~JellyBaby~]

Joshy!!! Congrats on the birth!!!

We're here for you sweetie, let us know how we can help, we'll all support you. *huggles*

You've always got us lovey,
remember, I'm just a call or a text away,
I am always here for you.

Love and hugs to yourself, mammy and babby.

xxx

[xyon]

I have a little baby boy called Luke Issac John. He's a little trooper.

The second opinion at the doctors' - damn, that was a while ago now. I got referred to counselling, which hasn't come back yet, so I don't know anything about that. I'm still on anti-depressants and I feel, most of the time anyway, like crap.

[bleedingdragon]

Xyon,
My good friend, i will repeat my congratulations to you how wonderfull for you both to have a lovely baby boy called
Luke Issac John a great name mate, I bet he is a little trooper to

thank you for your earlier pm mate it meant a lot.

Yes mate your second oppinion at the Drs, yes it was a while ago.
Its good you got a referal to counselling, they arnt known for their speed of appointments, it could be a couple of months even up to six.
Did they not give you an estimate of the waiting time. Mate please go back or ring up your Dr and check on the due date of your referal.
Maybe ring the counsellors direct to check on the appointment.

I hear you mate about still being on the Anti Depressants, if your still feeling crap you need to go back and talk with your DR. They may not be suitable for you, please go back. How long have you been taking your ADS, they should start working 4-6 weeks after you start taking them.
If youve been taking them alot longer all the more reason to go back.
The longer you feel like this mate the harder it is for you.

stay strong my friend
im close by

Dave

[bleedingdragon]

Xyon,
my good friend,
Please when you can get in touch and tell me your safe, im worried about you alot what we talked about on Msn made me worry and i care about you mate please talk to me.

you dont have to talk about anything mate jut tell us your safe please

no matter what is happening in my life mate,
I AM HERE for you remember that

Hugs
Dave

[xyon]

PM'ed in response.

[bleedingdragon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xyon

PM'ed in response.

My Good Friend, thank you for your pm your words mean so much
as does your friendship.


Xyon im so glad i was there for you on msn to talk with you and support you, i understand you were having a difficult time.Your welfare and life means so much and being there for you was my honour.

I was worried about you when we finished our conversation , but so glad to recieve a
message from you the next day, thank you for that, and to hear that you were as ok as you could be.

i will stand by yourside when i can and be a friend to you, if you need me just ask and i will be there.

please keep posting here on RYL Xyon when you need to, let RYL support you and give you comfort.

I want to thank you for talking again on msn the time we shared ment a hell of a lot and we had a laugh or two medicine indeed im really greatfull friend
you stay strong and you will find your way

An Old Dragon *Bows Deeply*

[xyon]

One of the greatest nights of my life. The best way ever to spend 14 hours. Thank you.

Damn you're a funny guy.

[xyon]

Sleepless nights.

The baby won't stop crying,
Although he has been fed,
Been changed, winded and cuddled,
But won't go down to bed.

The early morning rain falls down,
Outside the world is black,
And still we cannot get to sleep,
My son will see to that.

Sleepless nights, they warned us of,
And that is what we have,
It's 3AM, I'm up at eight,
Yet the boy wants to be awake.

Everyday I come home from work,
I change him, feed him, cuddle,
We talk, we laugh, we play, we bond,
And on through life we muddle.

Yet when it comes to bedtime,
That smile seems to fade,
And all around we hear his cries,
The baby's little mouth made.

How can someone so small,
Produce such a loud noise?
He carries on for hours,
My gorgeous little boy.

Sleepless nights we have these days,
But still I would not change,
A single thing about my son,
He is my perfect babe.

[Voldemort]

Sleep is overrated. *Poke*

That was a feel better poke.

[xyon]

Sleep is only overrated by those who get enough of it. Or don't get enough of it by choice.

When you're being KEPT awake, it's a different matter.

Thanks for the feel better poke... I'm sure that's the one the doctor gives me when I tell him my arm hurts - POKE - "Did that hurt?"

Me = Rolling around on floor in unspeakable agony.

Doctor = Suppressing manaical laughter.

[xyon]

We have made seven million steps backward over the past few weeks.

Monday I will be leaving college without a home to go back to. I can't stay living with this woman. She is become emotionally and mentally abusive and I can't deal with it anymore.

I have a friend who's putting me up for about a week or maybe two. After that, if I still don't have anywhere to live, it's the streets again for me.

Still better than living with my girlfriend. We will remain a couple, or at least try to. I just can't stay in the absolute proximity that living together requires.

This has, of course, made my depression worse. Add to that my son's recent health scare (IE: blood in his mouth this morning, everything's fine, just a burst blood vessel in his mouth, but it's terrifying) and my brain has gone down the sewer dragging my sanity and various parts of my self-confidence with it. I am now a wreck, and if I don't move now, chances are I won't have the necessary mental prowess required to do it.

I am finding it really, really hard not to cut these days. Yet another reason to get the hell away from my 7 week old son. There is no force in Valhalla or Helhiem that would allow him to be exposed to that side of me.

[xyon]

Also, I tried to change the thread title and found I couldn't. Anybody know how? It used to be done by editing the first post, but it just added a title to that post, rather then the whole thread.

Want to change it to "Triggering (SI/Abuse) - I am depressed. And homeless. Again. (Formerly I think I'm depressed again)", in case a nice moderator wants to do it for me.

[bleedingdragon]

Xyon my friend,
Big Hugs mate,
Im struggling myself but wanted to say something to my friend. Im sorry mate you have been through such a difficult time , I understand what you mean mate about being in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. However hard it is mate getting away from her really is the best thing you can do.

Im so glad to hear that you have a friend who is putting you up for at least a week, hugs that will give you some breathing space. I hope you dont end up on the streets.

Did you or could you contact your local citizens advice and enquire about accomodation they are worth trying.

Oh mate it is better than living with your abusive girlfriend you really have made the right choice, hugs more. Mate i hope you keep your distance from your girlfriend i dont think it will be worth staying together as she will hurt you more. My ex wife gradually got worse and became more abusive both emotionally, and physically.

Please hang in there mate and keep going back to your Drs for support, and use here to. Im sorry your son had a health scare that must have been so frightening for you, im glad hes ok.

Oh god please do move away mate you have to , and please hold on and do your best dont give up mate, RYL is here for you and i will be there for you as much as i can.

get hold of me mate Msn, im hiding mostly right now

Hold on mate with the cutting i know how hard it is, please keep yourself as distracted as you can.

be safe my friend and hold on while your in the middle of the storm, it will pass and you will get through it, hold on tight, until you once again see hope and peace.

big hugs mate

Dave

[chocostashchick]

oh honey i am so sorry
you have like a TON of stuff on your plate right now don't you?
from reading your posts, you are a really articulate and perceptive person, probably also very self-aware, so i think you have more strength in you than you realise
and now that you are a father i bet that you will have even more of that primal or whatever strength/instinct/motivation that parents get in order to be there for your son
be healthy for yourself, and for him - you dont need to cut and by now you must know that it wont make you feel better or solve anything
about your gf, it is good to make things work if you can, and i dont know details, but growing up with parents who divorced early i know that sometimes it is actually better and healthier, especially for the child, for the parents to part ways. my parents were absolute crap together, just totally rubbish, and they divorced and things were so much nicer. they are both intelligent and were motivated to be there for me and my little brother and they talked civilly in front of us and communicated about our lives when we were in school and they were still a team when it came to raising us. so i just wanted to let you know that sometimes it isnt worth it to try to force a relationship when it wont work, but of course that isnt ideal. you will know what is right in your case.
good luck hun

by the way i spent 20 minutes trying to change my thread title and i figured it out! you just have to highlight/double click your thread title when you are on the main Vets Corner forum page, and then a textbox opens up with a blinking cursor around it and you can type it in right on there. it was hard because when i was double clicking, the textbox would open but then the window would just go right to my thread, because i had clicked it, so i had to do it fast and stop the page loading first. yeah i dont know if that makes any sense but i was able to do it that way. i think you can only do it for the threads that you start though.

[xyon]

You guys were right. It didn't make it any better.

Right now I've at least got a place to stay. I was supposed to be moving into a flat this week but my guarantor (aka my mother) pulled out at the last minute and I've no hopes of finding another. So I can't get any flat.

Crap. It's all I seem to get these days. And to top it all off I've gone and done it again. Four nights on the trot, as it happens. Managed to break the cycle last night, and the night before. Damn thing at least needs a chance to heal before I go at it again.

Everything just seems to have gone to ****. Here I was, family guy, own house, good job prospects, new father, wife-to-be who "loved" me, ... and now all I have is scars.

Sometimes I wish I could just tell the world to **** off. I'm on a college course and I've missed so much of it I haven't got a ****ing clue what's going on or what I'm meant to be doing. I could probably catch it all up but to be honest I haven't got the heart to do it anymore.

I'm thinking of giving it up and getting a job now. Seems like a waste of time and money when I'm probably going to fail the ****ing thing anyway now. I need time and space to sort my head out and at the moment there just isn't enough of either.

I don't want to die but it would make my life easier. This is all just too much **** to deal with. And my gods I can't shake the feeling I shouldn't post here any more in case I trigger someone and they end up SHing... I feel guilty for posting because everyone else has their own problems and I'm being attention-seeking again. So I'm sorry.

I best press submit before I change my mind about the whole thing.

[xyon]

I cannot believe I did it again this morning. I was doing so well too. A moment without thought and everything is covered in blood again.

I really, really hate myself right now.