I'm not on about asking why, because yes half the time they will tell you, because i wanted to, or not answer you or lie.
It's about figuring out why they did it, what may have triggered that behaviour.
It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own
I was "spanked" as a child, and I think that partly as a result of it I'm a very anxious person.
BUT, and it's a big but, even though you might've turned out OK despite yopur parents spanking you, even though your intentions might be good, it doesn't change the fact that remains that "spanking"does affect some people negatively. My parents will still say they believe in spanking but I know they made the wrong choice for me even if they did it with the best of intentions, it still plays a part in my anxiety issues.
Do you want to be blaming yourself when your child grows up and suffers anxiety issues, or (even worse?), uses violence? No? Then please don't "spank" !
Even if you were one of the lucky ones who weren't adversely affected by being "spanked" as a child your own children may be more highly sensitive people (I advise parents read some of psychiatrist Dr Elaine Aron's writing on Highly Sensitive Children) and might not be so lucky.
I want something else to get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
you see people putting their child on the naughty step and aftwer the 4th or 5th time they grab/yank/haul their child there and put them down with more aggression and possibly violence that a simple smack would have done.
there's a tv programme that puts cameras into people's homes, a dad got told off by the therapist for putting his child on the naughty step because he had not allowed the child to walk there (she was refusing to move) because he had half picked up half dragged her (she was a fairly large child, about 8 or 9) because he couldn't carry her there properly.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Many of you have described painful and/or unwarranted spanks. To me that doesn't come under "smacking" at all and is abuse, plain and simple.
Here here!
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
One has to bear in mind that a child is young and doesn't have the understanding of the world an adult has and, therfore, trying to appeal to their sense of reason can often be a pointless task.
If a child is doing something potentially harmful, and reasoning with them doesn't work, surely a firm yet gentle smack is in the childs interest?
However, I think other methods should be tried first. I know my mother would make me sit facing the corner with my hands on my head and think about what I had done.
But at times, she would smack me. "Hold out your hand" was a phrase often uttered, usually followed by one smack on my open palm. Enough to get the message across, but not enough to do any damage. I actually see no problem with that.
If your child is of wise enough mind to be reasoned with then, fantastic, reason away. If not, you will have to find alterior methods of getting your point across.
smacking was always a last resort (and i think it should be kept that way). someone said to me that for smacking to work, the child has to be afraid of getting one. well i cant say i ever feared my parents or a smack, i just didnt want one and learned how to run faster (which infuriated my mum even more).
i was a wind up merchant as a kid and the last time my mum slapped me was this summer but only because i was slapping her first.
mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Personally, I don't know if I would ever be comfortable physically disciplining a kid... but then, I'm not a parent, and I've got my own particular issues. I don't know that I would say all spanking is abusive or should never be done.
I think an important distinction is whether or not discipline (of any kind) is done in anger, in retaliation, or whether it is done calmly and is truly for the child's own good. I feel like the parent's attitude in disciplining is often at least as important as the form of discipline. Is the parent just pissed off and using his/her superior power and status to do what he wants, whether it's yelling, striking out, or dropping a kid on a 'naughty step'? Or does the parent gently say 'no,' and calmly swat (NOT hard enough to really hurt) a toddler to prevent him from, say, touching a stove? I feel like what really affected me was my mom's rage. She didn't ever really hurt me physically, but she had a heck of a temper and boy was she scary when she got mad. I would want my kids to take me seriously because I'll need to teach them how to be safe, but I never want to make my child feel terrorized like I did as a kid.
