That's a thought about your scarf... When I started my meds I shook too bad to knit...and when I tried to play a harmonic on my violin or guitar I couldn't do that either :s
I hope that doing your work book instead of going to a meeting is helpful for you... Have you got someone you can talk to if it brings up awful stuff that makes life harder for you?
Half of what you're supposed to weigh? Meaning you're underweight?
Seals are better than whales (at one point they were my favorite animal when I was a kid)...I just don't want to take those meds and gain a ton of weight...I'm already teetering on the edge of an ED...
Take care please.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I didn't mean to be confusing. I weigh half again what I should, 150% of what I should weigh. And that weight is nothing an insurance company would like but my nutritionist says it is okay. I'm 5'3" tall. I weigh 240 lbs. Because i'm muscular especially in my legs, 160 wouldn't be a bad weight for me.
My eating disorder is too many carbs, too much sugar. Sugar effects the brain the same way that alcohol does. When I got sober, I started eating ice cream instead, so in some ways i changed addictions.
If things get tough, my husband is home from work. He and Bozo cat are watching a sci-fi movie. I think my (adopted) brother is working tonight, so he will likely phone in the morning when he is on his way home from work. We're not related, we just like each other so well that we decided to adopt each other. His wife is my sister, obviously. My husband is fine with the relationship. My husband is my best friend.
This new round of meds, the wellbutrin especially has caused my hands to shake. I thought it had stopped, but it is coming back some in the afternoons. If this is the price of having the depression eased, i'll live with it. I'll just have to cut out patterns and fabric in the morning when my hands are steady. I'm going to try using a larger crochet hook to make the scarf.
The Elephant Seals near Santa Cruz and near Hearst Castle are awesome!
If I have an animal totem it is the tortoise.
What is your favorite animal?
Please, what is a harmonic?
I'll be good to myself. You be good to yourself too.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
59 hours till my counseling appointment... *this is me nervous*
Mom-Susan,
I'll try to be good, how's that? I would kind of like to cut as I think about my counseling session Monday...but I think I'll just turn out the light and go to sleep... *shrug*
Last edited by ~*forever_broken*~ : 01-12-2007 at 07:23 AM.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
You're going to do great! As long as you tell the truth to the degree that you feel comfortable (well maybe not TOO comfortable :)) then it will be successful! I'm definitely thinking about you, and I know you can do it!!
Vibes from rainy SoCal. Dude, everyone's freaking out. Those people drive so damn slow...oh, right....sorry. :)
Good luck!!!
D'Arcy
PS I like how much you talk in your posts. At least you make sense, and it makes for pretty good reading material!!
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.
Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!
You know I'll be thinking about you and praying for you, esp at 9am.
Love from your mom.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I'm nervous but I think I can honestly tell him tomorrow that I'm feeling a bit better...more than a bit...not great but... And so it's really not a concern at the moment (ODing that is)...
19 hours and counting :s
PS
D'Arcy, I like how much you talk too...comes across very chaty and friendly
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Ok, NOW I'm really nervous... And teary Damn this inability to cry when I want to!!!
Do I have to tell him? I don't want to!! I'm scared, I'm ashamed...I feel stupid...
Last edited by ~*forever_broken*~ : 03-12-2007 at 12:47 AM.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
If you don't tell him, the only one you're hurting is yourself. You'll be keeping him from knowing everything he needs to know to help you. Yes, it is hard to do, as i know from experience. Imagine saying explaining to your psychaitrist that you si'd again after three years free of it.
Besides, you already asked him to ask you. It will be fine.
Gives you a cherishing hug.
Love,
Blondie-Mom
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I just feel kind of like an idiot...today I've felt pretty good...doesn't happen often but when it does I doubt the reality of everything else, you know? Like, it's all been in my head, my control, and I caused it all...I'm not explaining it well... Besides, if I'm really feeling better...if it holds then what's the sense in telling him? Not like I'd do it again in that case... I'm feeling stupid...and yet not feeling much at all...argh! This is nuts. It's like last night I was trying to feel something...good or bad I can't remember...but it was there and I was trying to grab hold of it and I couldn't...it was like trying to get at something trapped beneath the ice...you know it's there but you can't get to it...and it's kind of like that right now...I think there's stuff there...feelings, thoughts about all this...and for some reason it feels inaccessable...I don't know why but I'm pretty sure it's my fault...
Good lord I just need to get over it all...
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I just feel kind of like an idiot...today I've felt pretty good...doesn't happen often but when it does I doubt the reality of everything else, you know? Like, it's all been in my head, my control, and I caused it all...I'm not explaining it well... Besides, if I'm really feeling better...if it holds then what's the sense in telling him?
I know what you mean by this, I think it's what stopped me getting help for so long, you just think, well I'm ok now, it couldn't have been that bad, I was just making a fuss, etc. But I think it's still important to say something. I know it can be even harder to 'confess' to something when you feel like you don't need to anymore, but really you should try and be as honsest as you can.
*big supportive hugs* I hope it all goes ok hunni, stay strong. We'll all be here ready with tea and chocolate when you get back.
xx
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
So I went... and it took me WAY too long to be able to tell him... personally I think he should have been annoyed.
His reaction? Well his face was ahrd to read... Shocked? Slightly horrified? Worried? What he told me was an 'Oh ****' reaction which is I guess what I saw on his face. Not sure how else to describe it. It SUCKED. I felt stupid and ashamed and... I don't know. I wish he didn't know...and I wonder what he's going to think once he's had time to really processes it...
I'm not sure how I feel about having told him... a little bit like this
At least I don't have to face him again till the new year
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Well done for being so brave, I think it will be ok in the long run and well done for being so so brave. I'm sure he wasn't annoyed and understood how hard it was for you.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Damn this inability to cry when I want to!!!
