Suicidal

[chinahorse]

I need support again sorry.

I need to burn. My thighs ache where I have to do it. But no where is open that sells the stuff. I NEED to.

My hospital appointment came through. I'm worried the thing in my head is growing. The appointment isn't until the start of March.

I need to make a pain specialist appointment but for the cassel location not here but the letter is for here and I can't do it.

Voices are screaming. Struggling to feel. Struggling to cope. Can't feel my hands. I'm scared he's Co trolling my body.

I need to burn and I need to cry and I need a hug.

[Sketchy]

Not much useful to say, but I do have hugs. *hugs*
I hope you can stay safe. Keep fighting this. There is hope and there are people who can help you.

[chinahorse]

Thak you love.

I feel so low and sad. I hurt. And I want to burn. I'm so screw of being admitted.

[Sketchy]

Keep using your distractions and what you have been doing to stop yourself from burning. You are doing so well and there is clearly a big part of you that wants to get better. This admission is to help you get there. I know how horrible it is to feel low and how exhausting it is. Take care of yourself.

[Bellatrix]

You're nearly there Lillie. It's almost here. Just keep fighting a bit longer then you'll have the support you need to make the changes in your life for the positive. THey'll support you in getting better.

When do they come to visit you again? Write down all your questions on paper so you don't forget anything.

I'm sorry you're feeling low but remember burning will only set you back and hurt you and those who love you. No one wants you to hurt yourself, not even you deep down. It's your illness that wants it and you have to fight against that.

You can do it <3

[chinahorse]

Thank you both for your continuing support. I really appreciate it.

The visit is tomorrow. I've written down all my questions. I'm nervous.

[Buttons.]

It's understandable to be nervous but I think it shows real commitment to have put thought into what questions you want to ask.

[Fire Fly]

Good luck with your meeting. Let us know how it goes.

[chinahorse]

The meeting scared me.

[tiptoes]

Sorry the meeting scared you, do you want to talk about it?

[Cpt_Stunning]

I know what it's like to feel scared, it's just a feeling, but still a horrible one.

[Uglyducklin]

Hugs I'm sorry it was scary please hold on. What was scary? Xx

[chinahorse]

The talk of all the rules and the therapy and the way things are. It was hard.

I got my questions answered which was good though.
They said there is no right or wrong. But I'm scared there is. They said everything is discussed which scares me and discussions of therapy and how hard tgat can be.

I really want to self harm. Its a very bad pain day so I've slept and had a bath and made bows instead. But it's only 6. I don't know what to do to fill the evening.

[Sketchy]

Well done on distracting yourself today. I hope you can find more distractions to keep you going. Could you make more bows? Watch some tv? Try some other crafts?
I'm glad you got your questions answered. I know it must be daunting, but you want and need help, and this is a step in getting there.

[chinahorse]

Thanks lovely. I'm just trying yo get to admission day.

Unfortunately I've binge but I am cooking a dinner anyway. It could have been worse but I'm so angry at myself. I'm meant to be getting on top of my weight. I'm angry and scared.

And I cant thank you guys enough for hearing me.

[Sketchy]

You are very welcome.
Keep posting. You can get through this.

[chinahorse]

I'm scared I'm going to be lonely and in pain.

[Sketchy]

I wish I could say something to help, but I am leaving hugs. *hugs*

[Elmer]

I've been reading and following but not felt I had anything useful to say. I just wanted you to know I think you are incredibly brave and you so deserve this chance to get your life back. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, I can't imagine how it feels. Please try and spend the next week being kind to Lillie.

I am thinking of you.

[chinahorse]

I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can get through today let alone unknown in the cassel.

I need to buy new pj's and leggings so I'm comfy if I want to be. So I need to go to work today. Bit I'm in so much pain and sleep deprived and my head is hurting a lot.

I just urgh. And this whole thread is a self indulgent nightmare. And I wish someone could come give me a hug and help me. I'm so tired of doing things on my own.