Just because you are related to someone does t mean you are obligated to have them in your life. Nor are they obligated to tell you their medical information.
(Note: my brother cracked a few of his vertebrae one time and inadequate no idea for months and only found out when I saw him and hugged him. I felt the brace and asked. His back - not my business)
Your brother may not have felt comfortable discussing his seizures with you for a lot of reasons that might have nothing to do with you. He might be embarrassed, he might have wanted to play it off as 'not a big deal', many things.
Your mom sounds like the kind of person to enjoy kicking you while you're down. I'd suggest emotionally disengaging from her. She keeps hurting you, don't let her do that! Just because she's your parent doesn't give her the right, nor does it grant her immunity from her actions. Next time she's mean, walk out or hang up.
Because she's so mean and I'm guessing she didn't just become that way overnight, I think you might be super sensitive to all interactions you have and you tend to assume the worst (maybe because that was mostly true growing up) and you're very desperate to be liked. Positive ones become neutral, neutral become negative... It becomes a self-fulfilling cycle and I'm sure it must be lonely and hard.
And having a chronic illness just makes everything worse. I used to be ill too and it just made things that should have been easy so so much harder.
Could you write down positive interactions you have? If you get coffee, compliment the person (gee, that's a lovely scarf! The way your hair do compliments your x is beautiful!) and see if they don't say something kind back or at least smile and say thank you.
I'm sure there are positive experiences in your life, but you've been overwhelmed by the negative ones so much that they're all you see.
All of that is true. The rest of my family are even worse than her. According to them I'm fat ugly and a waste of space and it's all I listened to all my life.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I am thinking about them right now. I'm genuinely so appreciative of all of your replies. She is so right about it too.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Hi, sorry to see you are having a tough time with your cmht. As others have suggested could you change your nurse? I used to have a nurse who seemed to be annoyed with me all the time nagging, challenging, suggesting I was lying. I think they do this to try and get a reaction out of you which seems it does out of you. They also do it to push you in to making changes and that is what you need to do make changes - how many times have you threatened suicide or SH in the moment because you feel angry or unheard? They have probably heard it so many times that they have stopped taking it seriously if you didn't mention it at all they would probably be more worried !!!
Unfortunately how much you see professionals is assessed on need so those that have weekly support will have a greater need in terms of illness than you ( I am in no way invalidating your suffering because that is very real) and that will be regardless of how much family they may have. It is normally based on how much that person can function and risk either to themselves or others.
I also have absolutely no one to support me so I know what a living , lonely hell that can be but the cmht can't care for you in a nurturing sense which what I feel you are looking for. Have you ever been offered DBT? Sorry I don't know your history. I think that could help you in the way you nurture yourself and also in the way you ask for help from others.
Does your cmht have a drop in facility where you can see a duty worker on week days? If you feel your care person is refusing to answer the phone to you try ringing from a different number or withhold your own and see if she will answer. Do you leave messages to ring you back or do you phone the main cmht line and ask for her that way. She probably is just busy. You said you got told off for texting was that because the text was angry? Or because you aren't allowed. If you are allowed try just sending a simple polite request for her to ring you. One thing I will say is that no cmht will phone you out of the blue to see if you are alive that's not personal to you that's how they work - they let you take responsibility regarding contact. If you aren't in touch they presume you are fine.
Regarding your medication if it's making you so ill you really don't have to take it taper yourself off it though don't just stop. Unless you are sectioned no one can force you to take medicine especially if you aren't finding it any benefit. Could you change your GP to one that isn't two hours away and have more support that way?
For me in the end what made my cmht sit up and take notice was when I started refusing help and asking to be discharged but you have to be prepared that they will let you go. It was weird I begged and begged for help and got none when I made the decision that I didn't want any thing from them they really changed their tune BUT I don't suggest you try that unless you really don't want them anymore
I stopped the sertraline but maintained the other two meds. I literally took half a tablet and vomited and pooped for days. It's been hell. Only ate today half properly. They keep giving me medication which is documented as not agreeing with me than when i don't take it I'm being difficult.
The nurse actually rang me today to tell me to keep taking the meds and I just didn't say anything. I literally can't live if I don't work and am in bed 21 hours a day which is what that drug does to me. My GP knows me since I was 6 so I think it's best to stay with him as he is very supportive. I will ask him about medication as I trust his opinion when I'm well enough to go there. I won't be ringing home either and they won't pay for the phonecalls so that will fade away too.
I am thinking that I am the only self sufficient adult in the family and they berudge me my degree and getting MA offers and I did it without them.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
You've mentioned that some of your relatives are addicts. Do you think it might be helpful to persue support fork somewhere like Al Anin (not AA, it's for not-the-addict)? And they may be tearing you down because you have succeeded where they failed. It's common.
It may be helpful to join an activity that is not centered around being ill (mentally or otherwise!) because it may give you an avenue into positive interactions and friendships.
I used to go to bingo and a knitting group. If you do church, you might see if they've got a women's group.
It might be helpful to avoid trying for a new romantic relationship until you can stand more on your own. I know that when you have tried for a romantic entanglement it has caused you a significant amount of pain and I'd hate to see you hurt.
I've been thinking about this and it seems that you're looking for nurturing, for a parent. Most of the time people only do that when their own parenting leaves something to be desired. And it's not something that most agencies are prepared to do.
If you are wanting a phone call to check on you, could you arrange for that to happen? As like a check in between appointments?
I joined groups to socialise and do Yoga and stuff when I have money and feel better. I told the doc I wanted to join Al Anon and she said no but it's not up to her what to tell me to do. I think I will join maybe after Christmas hopefully.
The guy I care about I know he doesn't feel the same way so and even though i get asked out a lot I am not sure what i will do about it all.
My family are a lost cause. There is no more I can do with them at this stage. I asked for phone contact as I had to a lot before and she said she is too busy and has a lot more on her caseload which i can't do anything about. I can't tolerate the meds, I'm going to ask the GP when I see him.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I went to my GP and he said I was right not to keep taking meds that made me so sick. He said the team weren't listening to me at all and didn't understand me. So I'm still on the old meds. My weight is a major issue so I hope this is looked at. I just don't know why they keep giving me medication which they know I can't tolerate. It doesn't make any sense.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Thanks. I'm seeing the nurse tomorrow so hopefully she won't be on my back again and if she is I plan on walking out on her as I have had it with them. I got a new job so will be busy hopefully so can tell her that.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Today was ok, the nurse was nice to me even though she started off angry. I told her I didn't go to see her to argue and my Gp had said not to take drugs that made me vomit. She can't overrule a doctor so there wasn't much she could do. I feel very low though and I wonder why people don't want me around. I feel very aware and full of self doubt. I can't see things changing here and I will probably be alone for Christmas and I will just have to accept it.
I think I should have moved when I had the chance. Nobody here will ever talk to me. I tried talking to my neighbour but he grunted and shut the door at me. I don't think that's normal after three years living next to each other.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Some neighbours just like to keep themselves to themselves, so I wouldn't take it personally.
I'm glad the nurse was nice. That was a positive step.
This time of year is stressful and can be lonely, but I'm sure people do want you around. What about an evening class to meet people? It can be a fun class? I met some lovely people through a writing class and still keep in contact with them. I struggle in crowds and with speaking, but eventually I got to make some good friends.
Thanks x I joined groups lately so am going to go to them when they are on. I am trying to socialise too but I feel like people won't want me there. All my life I have just been walked all over and I can't just flip a switch and make a change. I feel very sad and like I will be alone long term. My sister asked me to hers for Christmas but it was so bad last year me and my niece were crying by the end of it.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Do you think this Christmas might be different? Are there any other plans you could make instead?
That's good you've joined groups. It's hard to know what people are like or think at first, and it can feel awkward, but give it time. With my friends it took a while. And I worried I wasn't wanted at first, because I struggle with confidence, but it turned out in the end. I hope the same happens with you. Perhaps just getting pleasure from going to groups first rather than putting yourself under pressure to please people would help. Relax, and try enjoy it.
I couldn't face the socialising. It's like if I wasn't here nobody would notice. I can genuinely say not one person notices me or cares. I don't mean this site, I mean in my life here.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I can't sleep at all. The doctors just throw meds at me that they know I can't handle and I feel very unwell. I have terrible thoughts in my head and I don't know what to do about them. I think there might be something going on that I don't know about and that's why nobody talks to me.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
i was told today that my nurse was very insensitive and I should tell her where to go. I think I realise I let people treat me this way because of my low self esteem. She went on holidays and arranged no support for me so I had to do it. It's just not good enough. Life shouldn't be about just getting by all the time. I am not treated the same as other people and I need to change how I view myself.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
i need to stop putting myself down and berating my looks and talents as it's foolish and makes people uncomfortable. I need to get a job that utilises my skills and gets me out of the house. I need to stop looking for verification from men/family/people and find it within myself. I need to be thankful for the skills I have been gifted with. I need to move out of this house as it's been a nightmare and I need to be there for my mother before she dies or I will never forgive myself regardless of the things she says.
I need to stop making myself so available too. It's also unfair to be this sick at my age with no help but there isn't much I can do about it. i should do Yoga/meditation/groups etc when I am mentally able. I have been referred for an exercise programme designed for chronically ill people too. Not much more I can do given my restrictions.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Sorry, I haven't been around because of phone problems.
It sounds like you have a lot of things you would like to work on. Perhaps taking it bit by bit would be best. Could you start by writing a plan of action?
I agree that you should try work on your self esteem and I hope you soon see what an attractive person you are and all the good qualities you have.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
