Hi Carmen im just wondering how you're doing? Sorry I havent replied to your post above. It's late here but I'll be back to give it the reply it deserves, until then I'm wondering how you're doing today?
Thank you lovely. I dunno. I haven't been up long and it's snowing again so stuck at home. Should try to get some schoolwork done. The roads are terrible so going out really isn't an option and so obviously if I did anything I would not be able to call for help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snow White.
Can you tell me a bit more how you feel about the job? And how you would cope with it?
I don't know. I don't really even know anything about it. I'm supposed to go Monday after class to fill out paperwork then orientation is on Tuesday. My mother has a friend who owns a temp agency, so she got me in with them and got me the job. I'm barely managing to cope with things as is, and attending class is still a struggle. I don't know how I'm going to be able to manage a job on top. Honestly don't. But I really really need the money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePrincessOfDenial
Just wanted to leave some love and hugs for you. Sorry I don't have advice x
Thank you, J. It means a lot. <3
edit: Never heard from doctor lady even though uni was open Friday so I'm assuming I am just not seeing her again. I know it's my own fault, I'm not saying it's not. I take full responsibility for that. But it still sucks.
Last edited by Auror. : 21-02-2015 at 10:46 PM.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I'm ineligible for financial aid through uni right now. To be eligible for next year (which would essentially happen in September) I need to finish and pass all my courses this semester, and then take 16 credit hours over the summer. My mother supposedly helps me as much as she can (though this is debatable, given how much money she already gives me I can't really ask for more) and my father's financial situation is worse than mine. I get medicaid which covers my hospital bills, but I don't think I would be eligible for anything else given I am a student, and I don't have a disability.
My mother has already told me if the job doesn't work out it's not a big deal, but the problem is it's still going to be a big deal financially. I have a couple of thousand dollars from my tax return that has to get me through until September, and I currently spend at least 400$ a month on bills after her help.
I don't think I can go every week like she wants, even if I could afford it. I don't understand why that had to be a thing. So it's irrelevant I guess.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I think she wants you to try and go every week so she can build up the connection to be able to trust enough to talk about the difficult stuff
Use a sports analogy if players only turned up when they wanted due to whatever reason how would they bond as a team and win games
Or like medication if you didn't take as perscribed n only on odd occassion you wouldn't feel benefits day to day or when in crisis but if you take it consistently you will see improvements gradually
Is there a financial advisor you could see in or outside of uni we had a hardship fund people could tap into to or outside you might be entitled to discounts or grants
Just a thought hope the job goes well
Last edited by youonlyliveonce : 22-02-2015 at 10:02 AM.
I know why she was saying it. She explained. I don't know why she was contradicting herself because that is NOT how she said it had to be previously.
I know what my options are with regards to uni. I don't qualify for aid as is. I know what I need to do to qualify, as I have already said, but it won't do anything until September.
Outside of uni there are loans through a bank but most require you be eligible for government aid, and it doesn't make sense to try to find one who doesn't to take out a loan for a few months when I am going to be eligible for financial aid which gives you better and more options later on.
Thanks.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
She knows. She's told me to take out loans. After telling me she made more money in a month than her highest paid employee will make all year. So I'm getting mixed messages from her but she is well aware.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
lillie thanks <33, it's not quite 7pm here. i dunno if plans help or not because then i will get stressed if i can't keep to it, and sleep at a reasonable hour is unlikely anyways which the later it gets the more likely i will be to do something, and less likely to be functional enough to follow a plan. if that makes sense?
so far I have:
attempt some schoolwork
feed the dog and take her outside
and that's it.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I am unsure how to break any of it down into smaller chunks. Or manage time well enough to where I could do that and not just have three hours of doing nothing go by. I'm not good at this. Sorry.
there's just too much to do and it's all completely overwhelming.
edit: I fail at schoolwork. I tried to do a discussion board post and didn't know what to say. Tried to read and I can't focus. I can't take notes because focus either. So now I'm just sitting here and have no idea what to do with myself.
Last edited by Auror. : 24-02-2015 at 02:50 AM.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I have an assignment due tonight that I have not done and orientation for the new job in a couple of hours. I need to get ready to leave soon and I have zero idea what business casual means and nothing that I would be comfortable with wearing so oh well.
I emailed doctor lady because I wanted to know my diagnosis and what my notes said. This was her response:
The following content has been hidden - Reason : long.
If you would like to review your full chart notes from our visits, I would strongly encourage that we review them together so you have the opportunity to ask questions or clarify information and we can have a conversation about that. I am not at liberty to release records from other providers. I would be happy to schedule a time for us to sit down and for you to review your records without charge, as a courtesy to you. If you do not wish to meet to review your records, I will consult with my director about how you can go about requesting your records. I believe our policies have changed and a 3rd party now handles patient request for records.
As for your question about diagnosis, my most recent diagnostic impression includes: major depression, anxiety disorder, rule-out eating disorder, and borderline personality disorder. I feel these diagnoses accurately capture the symptoms that I can identify in our work together. I would suspect that anxiety plays a stronger role than depression. The borderline personality disorder captures your self-harm behaviors, as well as the persistent difficulties in relationships with others (i.e. difficulties with trust, difficulties feeling secure in relationships).
I asked what "rule out eating disorder meant" and said I did want to see my notes and then this was her next response:
Rule out eating disorder means I suspect there is some kind of eating disorder, but I can't be sure that you do or do not meet the criteria for an eating disorder. It's a way to indicate concern and that I would want to keep that on the radar for myself or future care providers if they had access to your records through our system.
You can just come directly to the waiting room where I usually pick you up without having to check in. We can meet for up to 90 minutes if necessary, and I will have your records ready so we can get started promptly.
I am kind of frustrated with the diagnosis but I do want to see my notes so I am going to meet with her tomorrow. But I am unsure quite how to act around her because of all of this.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
she did admit diagnosis could be wrong because there is still a lot of information she does not know.
apparently i am severely ill. and her main recommendation at this time is intensive long term inpatient treatment. but that because i refuse to engage in treatment or trust professionals and i am skilled at talking my way out of hospital it would never work. and that unless i agree to see her on a weekly or biweekly basis and make progress i cannot use their services again.
she is letting me keep the notes so i will get them later this week. but i think those are shitty things to say about a person even in writing.
i'm a ****ing horrible person. it's clear.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I don't think they are shitty things and you're not a horrible person. To use a cliche, if you read that you had a broken leg, or a heart condition, would you think you were a horrible person because of it, or that they were **** things to say about someone?
You're ill, but it doesn't make you any less of a person that it's a mental health issue.
I can only imagine how scary/frustrating it is to be told that unless you engage they wont see you any more. That's one way of looking at it (I think it's very easy to see things in black and white) whereas if you look at the grey then really your therapist is 1) Very concerned about you, and 2) Wanting to help you through this how she believes is the best way with your diagnoses, which means being seen weekly and possibly having long term treatment.
I know you thought I was being harsh last time, and I really wasn't intending to be. I see this as a fork in the road, and one way is the treatment way and yes it will be hard but ultimately you will feel better and be able to cope and function. The other way is retreating from therapy, not engaging, and really while it probably seems easier right now, ultimately things won't change.
I don't want to sound patronising, but I've been where you are. I had the same diagnoses as you, similar struggles. And after years of not engaging because either I didn't want to recover, or it was simply too hard to try I'd literally had enough. So I engaged. I did what they said. And yes it was hard and I hated it at first, but slowly things got better and better until I started to come out of the deep hole I'd been in for years. And now I don't even have the BPD diagnosis.
Of course she doesn't expect you to trust her 100% right now and to speak about everything in your first session. Trust is built up, and as I said before, the reasons why you feel you can't talk about things can start to be looked at and she will help you start to break those barriers down in a safe way.
But you're definitely not a horrible person. I think you're scared, which is understandable, use that fear to move forwards.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I got the notes to keep today and have reread them.
I don't understand why she gave me so much **** about having a hard time trusting her and engaging, and then in all of her notes she puts that she doesn't think I will be able to. So if she had no hope either, it is okay for her to think that but not me?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Did you ask Her about that?
I'm not sure it means she had no hope, but you're pretty vocal about not being able to share information perhaps she feels it's because of a trust thing so wrote it that way?
