I rang the emergency vet and spoke with them and they said to bring her in. So I'm trying to phone someone to go with me. I've killed her just like Oreo.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
You haven't killed anyone. Oreo was old (I think!) and sick. It is horrible but these things happen, it isn't anyone's fault. Lyra isn't dead and you are doing the right thing in taking her to the vet, that's great. They will be able to make sure they do everything they can to make sure she's okay. You don't know what;s going on yet - it could be something small. I really hope it all goes well, let us know what happens. Thinking fo you xx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
They are unsure if anything is seriously wrong or not. They did a stomach X-ray but said it was inconclusive and they want the radiologist to look at it but are going to give her a bunch of fluids and medicine and let her go home tonight. They said there was nothing obviously wrong but there were a couple of things that could be something, or could be nothing but if it was anything it was not urgent. They said if she does not eat or drink tomorrow or vomits again then she needs to come back, and if they look at the x rays and see something then they will phone me.
My mom is angry with me for taking her (i tried phoning my sister who was out of town, my friend A who never responded, and Justin before asking her) even though she lives 5 minutes from the place, and I picked her up and took her home. She is also refusing to help me with the bill even though she knows I don't have a job and money is super tight for me. I think she thinks the entire thing was pointless, especially the x rays. That either way they were going to give her the fluids and medicine, and that there was probably nothing wrong so I should not have agreed to do the x ray for the extra cost. Let alone taken Lyra in the first place. So that was 450$ gone that I didn't have to start out with.
Justin is angry because I called to see if he could go with me but he was at a party. And that how dare I expect him to drop things to go with me because my dog is sick. If Harrison (his dog) were sick and needed to go, I would drop anything to go. Same if it were him. Yet multiple times he's refused to even drop me off at the hospital even when he was not doing anything. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that this is any different and he's angry.
This is the same place we brought Oreo to so I was really worried about going back. I mean they were very nice but I feel like I must have just overreacted and caused drama and spent all this money when it wasn't needed.
I'm an idiot and if Lyra didn't need looking after right now I'd have already od'd. I can't do any of this and I don't know why I am pretending to.
Plus my mom's already told me I should not take her back for a follow up because I can't afford to miss any school come Monday when classes start. Even though they've recommended that I follow up with her regular vet if she gets better. Or if she gets worse they said to follow up with her regular vet if they are open but to come back there if not.
I need to destroy myself and be dead and clearly everyone else thinks so too.
Last edited by Auror. : 11-01-2015 at 07:54 AM.
Reason: update/added
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
It's barely 6am and I had to get up and clean my blanket because she'd had diarrhea and had not noticed. I only noticed the smell and decided to turn on the light. I had already put her in her crate then realised it was all over her bottom and then she got it on the blanket in the crate too. So had to try to clean her up. I guess going to attempt sleep. The rest of my sheets smell terrible but I only have one washer and they aren't technically dirty so I guess I can wash them later. If I took them off now I wouldn't have any sheets and would have to wait until the blanket is finished to put them in the wash. They said the medication and fluids could take 6 to 8 hours to work so I guess if she has another accident or has diarrhea when we go out in a few hours I should call them back?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
She spent all day today at the vet as she was not doing any better and couldn't keep down rice. They ran a bunch of tests, did more x rays, and gave her some stronger medication. 500 more dollars and nothing definitive as far as what is wrong and my mom is still mad that I keep taking her in and spending the money on nothing. Actually she's even more mad.
School was so overwhelming and we had to be up at 730 to get to the vet so I'm exhausted. I can't do this and I need to be dead.
edit: Dog would clearly be better off with a different human anyways. Dead makes sense.
Last edited by Auror. : 13-01-2015 at 02:50 AM.
Reason: added
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I'm a horrible person. I am not taking care of her properly. I don't deserve any of the things I have and I can't even function to work right now. School so far has been completely overwhelming. Justin and my mom both said if I can't take care of her properly then I need to find her a new person.
I've dropped one class but still taking 5, and then helping with a project. My mom thinks I should still be looking for a job plus all of this, plus the dog.
She'd be better off with someone who can take care of her properly and give her attention and love. I clearly can't. But I can't be dead when she needs to have someone keeping an eye on her, since she can't go to daycare or boarding while ill. So as soon as she gets better she can find a better person and I can be dead.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I am trying to do some schoolwork and just completely unable to focus and do it. It's not helpful that the textbook I am trying to use is online. I've ordered physical copies of all of my textbooks but they won't arrive until the end of the week. I think I'm going to have to print out a lot of the readings for my online classes as well which feels like a huge waste.
My brain clearly does not know how to function.
They called with the results of the dog's bloods and said she has pancreatitis. So that it was definitely worth bringing her in for (I did ask that to be able to tell my mother) and gave me more instructions on what signs to look out for to bring her back in. It is similar to what happened to her a few weeks ago so they said if it happened again they would want to do some more tests to find out why it is recurring. She has kept down the rice/cottage cheese mix from this morning, and I will try to give her a bit more this evening for dinner.
I have so much schoolwork I need to be doing and there are things due this week but I literally just have been sitting here for the past two hours looking at it and being overwhelmed. I am trying to just focus on the classes I have to take tomorrow and even that I am overwhelmed. How the hell are you meant to do calculus online?!
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Sorry to post again. Really struggling. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed and I barely was able to make myself get out of bed to go to uni today. It's just all too much. I'm not sure I can hold off on doing anything.
I stupidly emailed the doctor lady again she she said to try to talk to her on Tuesday but I don't know if I can hold off until then. Besides, I don't know how to communicate anything that is going on to explain that would mean going is even worth it, especially when I don't have money to be spending after all of the vet bills.
Nobody wants to hear this. Nobody wants to hear I am not okay. I have zero friends that I can talk to because they're both busy and never know what to say, and the few people I can speak to online are too ill themselves to be supportive right now. Which is understandable and I am not angry at them, but I don't honestly know what to do.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I think seeing doctor lady is a good idea. I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed, what about dropping another class?
I think what is difficult about this is some of the things I would suggest were already suggested by Anna and for one reason or another they did not go down well. Your mind is consumed by negativity. A lot of your statements are the common 'black and White' type thinking that would be helpful if you can challenge those and look for evidence. Even if not about your "need to die" then other things, like saying nobody wants to hear this. That isn't true, I came into your thread to see how you're doing so I want to know. None of what you have said is evidence for ehy you need to die either.
You're not horrible. Would a horrible person take her dog to the vet and pay for X-rays and care? Would they send a friend in Australia a nice letter? No.
It concerns me that Tuesday feels to far away for you and I wonder if we should work on some concrete goals to help you
A) get through the next few days
B) speak with dr about how bad things are
How does that sound to you?
Ps didn't mean this to be harsh, I have a crippling headache so it might be a bit blunt
It's not blunt. I don't know. I dropped another class because it was awful but had to pick up a different one to make up for it. I couldn't make myself go to class yesterday. I was too tired and felt like I would have had to self harm just to go. When i told someone rhey said i should go anyways. A agreed I needed to do 5 classes and my mom is not happy that its going to take me an extra year to finish now. Plus I'm not going to be able to get financial aid.
We don't have class Monday but I'm already behind in all of my classes and I'm having a hard time doing coursework.
Coming up with something I'm allowed to say would be useful. I already feel really guilty for having made the appointment and wasting her time and may cancel it.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I don't think I could. It would sound idiotic especially if I were showing up because clearly I am showing up so I am fine. Plus I would not want her to freak out and think I am a danger to myself and should be in hospital or something. That would not be useful either.
edit: ****. I just realised I'm being negative again. Sorry to be so useless. Writing something out is not an option because I can't have any detail written down in case she does freak out. Then it'd just be her word against mine and I can usually talk my way out of hospital. But I know I'm going to go in, get anxious and shut down so going is essentially pointless. More negativity. I should get a negativity award.
and people are being ****ing dumb and loud and i can't do this assignment and i'm panicking. my mom was being stupid about school andi know i should be appreciative when she does so much for me but she doesn't ****ing get it and never will. the dog keeps whining at me and i'm seriously about to say **** this assignment, stick her in her crate, and just self harm. at the very least.
Last edited by Auror. : 17-01-2015 at 03:18 AM.
Reason: added
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I don't even know at this point. I will try to think about it. I think I just have nobody I can tell any of this to anymore and I don't want anything bad to happen but it's obviously not something I can stop from happening on my own. Bu then she won't be able to do anything either so I don't know. Will think.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
