I understand that there has been an increase in suicide note threads and I can see why the mods are clamping down on it. I dislike there being a parallel between attention-seeking/manipulative because this is precisely what some people are afraid of and yes, it's not the best way to ask for help and it is incredibly anxiety-provoking/should be stopped but sometimes people don't know how else to ask and they feel so desperate, all they feel they can do is to write a suicide note. In this respect, as well as a clamp down, I feel that maybe some kind of initiative regarding how to ask for support, perhaps, may be effective here.
^ There are already lots of threads (is it a sticky as well?) regarding ways to ask for support and how best to get replies. Or at least there were ages ago.
To be quite honest, if someone is that set in killing themselves, then they should be seeing a professional. There is only so much that RYL can do for them.
I just want to clarify that although I think it is anxiety provoking for those watching, I don't think it is deliberately manipulative, I think it comes from desperation and acknowledge also that maybe encouraging other support is a good idea before it gets to that point.
I don't think anyone is judging the people writing the posts, just that the dates/countdown should be removed, perhaps increasing focus on what is going on now and what can be done in the present.
To be quite honest, if someone is that set in killing themselves, then they should be seeing a professional. There is only so much that RYL can do for them.
I agree that RYL shouldn't be the only source of support and if someone is suicidal, they should seek alternative forms of support. However, some people really are that desperate and don't know who else to turn to, hence the posting of suicide notes on RYL.
As for the stickies, I think I have seen some. Maybe that should be bumped again (though I know this is tricky if it's a sticky - I did chuckle at the rhyming there, I need a life). If this is an increasing issue, though, surely some kind of RYL initiative, be that maybe by the Supporters, would be useful?
There needs to be more of a focus upon support and moving on, rather than people feeling that the only way they can get help is via a suicide note.
Maybe The Supporters could write a little something in Serious, acknowledging the rule changes and reminding people of more constructive ways of handling their suicidal feelings and accessing useful support.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I agree that RYL shouldn't be the only source of support and if someone is suicidal, they should seek alternative forms of support. However, some people really are that desperate and don't know who else to turn to, hence the posting of suicide notes on RYL.
As for the stickies, I think I have seen some. Maybe that should be bumped again (though I know this is tricky if it's a sticky - I did chuckle at the rhyming there, I need a life). If this is an increasing issue, though, surely some kind of RYL initiative, be that maybe by the Supporters, would be useful?
There needs to be more of a focus upon support and moving on, rather than people feeling that the only way they can get help is via a suicide note.
I don't know if that says something about RYL itself, that people don't know how to, or can't(?) access the support they want without going to such extreme measures? It's sort of a known fact that those who are 'worse' or 'desperate' tend to get slightly more of a response.
I did a very quick skim for the stickies and couldn't see them. Does anyone know what/where they are, and could they be bumped and perhaps re-written to include this new rule? I think if the supporters want to do something then that'd be great, whether or not it is in combination with this.
To me, this isn't a reflection on ryl, this is a reflection on a much more widespread issue, such as in the mental health system itself, where you can often be ignored unless you're at the point of making these threats.
As unfortunate as it is, its human nature that more serious things get more attention: but here at ryl we recognise everyone deserves support no matter what the problem is, but unfortunately its hard when you're in a desperate place to not think more is more, and then write in such a manner.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
What should we do if we see someone saying something like "In X days this will all be over. I can't wait to leave". Who've also posted the number of days until they plan to commit suicide. But it's in a R/V
To be clear, since despite reading this whole thread I haven't been able to figure it out, is it just banned to say the number of days/weeks/etc, or is it also banned to say "soon"? And in that vein, would it be banned to say "I want to kill myself soon" but be actually asking for support - not making it a definite statement that they are going to do it.
I'm sorry if this has been answered, but I clearly missed it. I just want to know so if I see it, I can post report accordingly.
Maybe I'm just an impulsive person, but planning suicide weeks in advance is a ironic. If you have made the decision with pure certainty, what is the wait for? Other than to see if someone will attempt to change their mind?
I'm all for people saying they feel suicidal, have been planning suicide, or even have a date they are THINKING of. But to state a decision has been made is unfair. And to say when that date is, to me, cruel on other people.
I'm not saying I don't understand the ways and chains of events that people experiance leading up to posting such things, but the community has to be protected to remain supportive and productive. I'd be put off supporting someone who has made the choice already, even if I feel compelled to reply, it creates unfairness that I may not wish to or feel able to reply, but the human nature of caring may then compel me to. That is to me, how it becomes unfair.
I have personally experianced many people on RYL saying they're going to do xyz on x day and have become somewhat blunt towards it, unless I know the person very well and could actually help tangibly.
I guess this rule is for the majority of people who when looking at such threads would have no tools to help tangibly. Besides, if the person was well known, surely the information would be expressed or conversed over in private, outside of RYL.
I'd be interested in how the new rule would be defined however.
^ Sometimes financial reasons (life insurance), or family situations (weddings, graduations, births, etc.). It depends what your reason is.
I did know someone a while back, who had a date fixed (certain) - he was waiting for his daughter to graduate college (USA). Nothing would have changed his mind, he wasn't mentally ill.
But yes, many people who have dates/threads on here are looking to be talked out of it, which just makes the dates upsetting and unhelpful.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
To me, this isn't a reflection on ryl, this is a reflection on a much more widespread issue, such as in the mental health system itself, where you can often be ignored unless you're at the point of making these threats.
Sadly this is so true.
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
To me, this isn't a reflection on ryl, this is a reflection on a much more widespread issue, such as in the mental health system itself, where you can often be ignored unless you're at the point of making these threats.
Does RYL need to replicate and further this, though?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnonymous
Maybe I'm just an impulsive person, but planning suicide weeks in advance is a ironic. If you have made the decision with pure certainty, what is the wait for? Other than to see if someone will attempt to change their mind?
I'm all for people saying they feel suicidal, have been planning suicide, or even have a date they are THINKING of. But to state a decision has been made is unfair. And to say when that date is, to me, cruel on other people.
To be clear, since despite reading this whole thread I haven't been able to figure it out, is it just banned to say the number of days/weeks/etc, or is it also banned to say "soon"? And in that vein, would it be banned to say "I want to kill myself soon" but be actually asking for support - not making it a definite statement that they are going to do it.
I'm sorry if this has been answered, but I clearly missed it. I just want to know so if I see it, I can post report accordingly.
I think if you said I want to kill myself soon and asked for support that would be fine.
If you said I am going to kill myself soon I can't wait I am counting down the days and nothing will change my mind. That wouldn't be so fine!
Quote:
What should we do if we see someone saying something like "In X days this will all be over. I can't wait to leave". Who've also posted the number of days until they plan to commit suicide. But it's in a R/V
Should we report the post or PM a mod?
Yep ideally report the post as pm's can take time to be dealt with!
The rules in the ranting venting forum are the same as the ones across ryl. However the format of the board is different and as a result that impacts on the way it's moderated.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
i am in two minds over this. obviously it's horrible knowing someone has these plans, but i think i would like to know, so i know when to start really panicking if someone doesn't reply.
Miriam, I think the difference is if they post it in a thread and put pressure upon the RYL Community (albeit unintentionally and indirectly) to stop them killing themselves. If you are messaging your friend and they describe thoughts of suicide, I think it's slightly different because you are friends and that's not on RYL as a website (even if it's via PM). It's hard to hear that someone's a ticking clock in regards to suicide and there's nothing you can do about it. If you're being told as a friend, the person telling you clearly wants help otherwise they wouldn't have said anything.
i havent read all the replies to this and im not in the right place to so probably not going to and may not even come back to RYL for a while.
But im already re-considering being a member here.
In my personal life right now it feels no one will understand and accept my reality, now it feels thats being stopped here too not that it was happening much anyway.
Nobody in life really understands my position or wants to.Not all situations are the same.
Love to all.
xx xx
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
