Contains Suicide - [I have nothing to say here]

[Pomegranate]

Don't be silly. You do not need to try harder. I (and I am sure many others) consider you to be one of the kindest, most helpful members on here! You offer so much advice and support. It is ok to take some time for yourself.

I hope your blood results are ok and you get the treatment you want/need.

[roiben]

I can't do this, I really can't. I have had enough.

I have been so tired over the last week, and achey and just wrong and all I want to do is stop. No, I want to die. I don't want to have to wake up, or start again. Or rest, only to become active and tired again so quickly.

I can't keep going round this same circle and coming back here. Why is it so wrong to just embrace it and go?

I should go to bed and sleep, as I have work tomorrow. I just wish I didn't have to do the waking up part.

Roiben x

[roiben]

Ended up taking an od of my meds last night. Then woke up pretty much once an hour throughout the night, had a very dry mouth and was incredibly thirsty. Sugars fine though, so wasn't that.

Went to work as normal and did my best to use it as a distraction. Now I am back at home and tempted to just take more and to si.

Struggling a lot, part of me in self destruct and other part stubbornly continuing on as if nothing is happening. The I'm okay facade.

Roiben x

[pea soup]

Thinking of you and hoping you are safe. PLEASE be safe.

loves.
xxxxx

[roiben]

Thank you, Rach.

I spent all day yesterday in bed, asleep. I am sat up at least today, and should try and get dressed & go outside for some fresh air and exercise. It is so tempting to just stay here though. I know if I do, I wont go to work tomorrow, and I have to go to work.

I got a letter through about Therapy - you have to fill in a form to say you will commit to it, then they add you to a list, and say they give 3 weeks notice for an appointment. Last time, I got less than a weeks notice, so we will have to wait and see.

I imagine I will then have a Psych appointment to follow that. No idea what that will entail. I don't know what I want anymore - do I want help? Why can't I just go - end this?

I am not making any sense, sorry. Finding it hard to concentrate.

Roiben x

[roiben]

Small update - will post more later.

Psychotherapy tomorrow though (I am being forced to let them treat me like an onion.... "joy"). Will probably wallow over it until it is over.

Roiben x

[sillyputtyconspiracy]

You are an expression of love. You deserve peace, joy, dignity and being safe.

What others may think, or say do not matter. It is what you know that does.
And you know that you have survived. Love often chooses ways no one understands to bless us and others.

Surviving provides an example. I do understand your desire to let go. May even agree it seems to be a way to find peace. Been on the same path a bit too. People like us do not surrender because we know, we survive.

Yes, sometimes all we have is the 'fight'. There are times we have love, moon beams reflecting off a brook. We have secret languages spoken by stone and wind. Small bits of colored ribbons make wings of the butterfly that happiness is, collect them and craft your own butterfly.

And here we are together, sitting with bowls of rice and cups of hot jasmine tea. The sands move along the tides as we let our butterflies flit to others carrying love and joy. Nothing said and yet understanding found.

Please do message if you desire. Would be honored if you were a friend.

[roiben]

14 weeks of CBT....

oy.....

Roiben x