DBT - I am freaking out!!!!

[shandy]

Is your group in the evening?

Yea our facilitators seem to go all over the place, sometimes im away with the fairies, so lose track, lol

Im ok most of the time but my drinking has increased and i stopped my antidepressants, prolly not the best idea, but hey ho

Take care you

[lozza]

*cuddles lots* why did you stop your AD's hun? and sorry to hear that your drinking has increased :( does your individual therapist know?

how have you been finding practicing the skills by yourself at home?
lol yesterday I found myself practicing in the waiting room whilst I was waiting for my d&a worker to come get me... and it actually helped me relax a bit better - I am finally finding that I can observe (not for long but it is a start!!! )

haha and then I was in the session and out of no where felt really sick and had to race to the toiets before I spewed (not sure what that was about but posted in FA section as its becoming more regular.. )

[shandy]

Im drink dependant, i had to cut down to get on DBT course which i did, but is creeping up again prolly cos im on course now and have become to lazy to monitor it.

Now the practising, was all gung ho the first week, but has also slipped by the wayside, i is bad aint i, this week we sposed to be looking and feeling an object twice a day for 5 mins, ive done it once since tuesday and it is now saturday afternoon

Sorry to hear your being sick, a trip to the docs might be in order.

And lastly whats a D and A worker

[lozza]

drug and alcohol worker...

hmmmm what is looking and feeling an object for 5 mins meant to achieve? or is it a way to hopefully slow your racing mind or I dont know!!! please explain!!

and yeh I have an apt to see my pdoc and gp tomoz - :s ....I shall try to tell them?

[lozza]

so I ummm saw my pdoc this morning...

overall:
-I told her the truth and that I didnt feel safe and that I didnt even know if I wanted to keep fighting anymore
-I told her about the vomitting and she put it down to stress
-when I told her I didnt know if I wanted to or could fight anymore she asked if I needed a break in hospital and I well went quiet
.....she said to at least call someone if things got too much and before i did anything - she said she hasnt given up on me yet

but I have

....cant write anything else right now but yeh

[Snow White.]

*sits with you*

Hey sweetheart,

Sorry I haven't been texting, I'm near my cap, but I've been thinking of you heaps & heaps. I'm sorry to hear things are tough for you right now but please don't give up, we're all here for you. Do you think you need to go to hospital?

Thinking of you, text anytime xxxxx

[shandy]

Hey you, is it the DBT making you feel bad or life in general, if you need to have a break in hospital then do it, better a short break in there than you doing anything daft eh. tc xxx

[lozza]

aimee, shandy - I really really dont know anymore... I just, give up.

I went to visit a friend today... (member from here actually) and it was amazing, it was great.... but then taking her back to the hospital and something in me changed, I felt so overwhelmed and conflicted... my mind was racing so fast and I dont even know the thoughts that were going around

and then catching the train home and now getting home...

I just dont know anything anymore

do I need a hospital admission? ...really I do not see the point.
I just... I dont know

sorry guys

[Snow White.]

*cuddles you*I can relate. Is there anyone you trust enough to talk through these feelings with? How safe do you feel?xx

[lozza]

not feeling safe. maybe I can talk to my khl counsellor tomorrow but she doesnt start till 10am and we have a big house meeting in the morning:s

she is the only one I really trust right now when it comes to professionals :s

[lozza]

can't do it anymore. can't fight it. sorry

[shandy]

Well then you probably need to have a break in hospital, dont you think?

Take care

[Snow White.]

What do you think about the above post, how does it feel? Sometimes these decisions logically, suck, but feel like what we need.

*sits with you*
You're not alone.

xxxxx

[lozza]

I cant. Like I really cant go into hospital.

My pdoc says she is not ready to give up on me. My DBT psych, T, says she will not let me drop out of DBT (she has said this to me previously but I told her today she cant let me under any circumstances) and B my helpline counsellor has been fucking amazing

the only thing hospital can do is keeping me physically safe but I am not yet acting on thoughts/urges so I dont need an admission right?

I have all the support in the world but I just cant keep doing this

sorry I know this is a messed up post

had a shit session today and then a shit group and I dissociated:(

I am just over life. I dont know what to do anymore

[crazykat]

*cuddles* I'm sorry your struggling love, but hold on there you will get through this. Thinking of you

[shandy]

Sorry if i seemed abrupt but i thought u were going to hurt yourself, just sometimes hospital is safest place even for a short time while you get your wits about you again.

Im glad you have lots of support, you sound like you need it right now.

I need my DBT buddy around,who else can i compare notes with and moan about how much we cant do it.

Take care you

[lozza]

sorry for worrying you shandy and I am trying to be safe but ummm yeh

on a happier note I actually went to work today and it was ok. but now slipping again and yeh :(

am fine???

[Snow White.]

*cuddles*

It's ok to not be fine, it sucks but we're here for you no matter what. Well done on sticking with the dbt too, I'm really proud of you. Glad you went to work too! What's happening for you now?
Xx

[twosugartea]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, sweetie. I really do hope that DBT helps you, and will continue to read. You should be proud that you managed to get to work, that's a real achievement. What's making you feel so bad now? Can you distract yourself? xx

[Snow White.]

How are you doing love? Xx