*Leaves cuddles* It's not your fault you were hit. It was wrong of them to do that. As for exploding don't feel bad about that, we all have bad days sometimes. The important thing is you apologised.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I did and were cool now. Pretty sure wasnt me she was upset bout.
But last night had this flashback and it wont go way! Keeps replaying over and over and oer. Only difference is once in a while it will add in something more that I forgot bout. Thought I had totally fogortten this but apparently not. When will it end? Has brought me to tears a few times today as well. Have wrote bout it twice and nothing.
And.. Have finally resorted to locking myself in the bathroom now! Which is where I am atm! They wont stop and leave me alone! Plus on Thrusday and Friday, my dad is going to be gone all day and till late at night and I know its going to persist then. Why cant they just leave me alone to? I dont like it but they dont care :(
Now contemplating whether take shower. Will take one but dont wanna leave. No lock on my bedroom door either so the bathroom is my best bet, with my ipod!
Thanks for the replies and all the hugs. Greatly appreciated everyone.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Strong possibility of my dad leyying back in person to my life who hurts me. not just me though but bout everyone. im his favorite though. cant handle. my life is so messed up. got my dad, my two bio sisters, couple kids from school who currently hurt/abuse me and now him. He left cause he hurt my sis and now hes introuble with the law and my dad says he wants to bring him back. My dad doesnt see the hurt or pain he causes. He also smokes por and has few mental illnesses, not against that or anything.
He comes back.... I dont know what the hell Im going to do.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Umm... just gonna post update for anyone who is actually following or something still...
So... Maybe am being SA'ed still. By my two bio sisters (Katie isnt one of them). Not maybe... Am. I am being emotionally abuse by my dad and phsyically hurtt by both sometimes. Got a couple at school who will be there at the beginning of this coming up school year.
Good... Havent done anything of Self harm whether cut or purge or scratch or pick or anything for an entire week :)
But atm... my brain is so confuzzled. Cant think entire straight thoughts because I have this one thing on my mind. Its stupid and doesnt matter anyhow.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
I'm sorry that so much of your life has been filled with abuse :( you didn't deserve any of it. please don't minimize your pain...what you have been through/are going through is not minor. i think sometimes it's easier to minimize because it takes away some of the emotional pain. i hope you are able to get out of this situation soon and away from the ppl that are hurting you. you deserve to be safe and free from abuse
I dont try n minimize it. I just happen to. Just dont think the abuse now is much of anything and can barely be called abuse. Especially compared to past abuse.
Yesterday.... First day this year probly in years I wasnt hurt by anyone. Nobody touched me or yelled or insulted or hit or anything. Yet... just felt downish still.
Havent even been up an entire hour and can tell today isnt gonna be that great...
Anynbody wanna trade places for the day?
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
whys cant people be nice? whys they always have hurt me? they know better! theys know not nice and dont like it but nobody ever listens! is what i say not important at all? maybe asking for to much an thas why? i not know but... i don lie! tell truth! they lie!
when school starts home gets better some cause not here much but school bad! hurt and touch and lots bullies! they don listen! they not care they hurt or what is feel like ever. hate school soooo much due to them! feel bad that the few i talk to who are there dont know bout me. meaning not know i been hurt or are being hurt and stuff but not want tell them. know i cut an thas bout it. not know what they say or do if tell them. not gonna either
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Make it all stop! Them, it, maybe even me. Only makes me feel and be hurt more! Cant stand it. Broken down tears at least twice everyday for past four days! When is enough enough?
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
What you say is important. Your not asking for too much; everyone has the right to be safe.
Good that home will get better but bad about the hurts at school. I said it in the pm but will again here- any way you could transfer to a different high school?
Theres some things you/we can do to get people to stop hurting you. It means you have to talk to someone there who can help you. I know its scary hun, we can help you through it.
Love you
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
cant transfer. not option. idk if the two biggest bullies/ meanies will be there this year. one my age but he got in lots trouble after touch and di bad things and hurt me at school near end school year and other one is 20 but hes thinking bout switching schools for collegge creedit. i hope they of all them go way!!!! Thatsd be soooo much less worry.
is ok *snuggle* me love you to anna. thanks for replying.
i scary and not want to! honestly though... been thinking bout it... but not till im ready, know something will be done, and is kept 'secret' for most part. is hrd for me. too many people let down and not do anything before. two counselor ldies at school who know me and we talk. one pulls me outta class to do so and occasional random chit chat and she know i cut. if relationship when school starts is same then ill give lots things a go at telling her stuff. other lady.... know my dad to well and so dont trust her with info.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
*lifts Libby up and cuddles tight* People are horrible and nasty sometimes, it's not your fault. You're a good girl and shouldn't be hurt. Maybe this year will be better, and know what? We'll be here. *strokes your hair* It's going to be okay Libby, it will. Don't listen to anyone who ever hurts you
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
Had some sort nightmare last night and woke up and literally swipped everything off my dresser. Luckily nothing broke. But woke up to big mess to clean up cause that. Bad night last night. Everything came to much. Tii many people maybe. Something set me off. I feel sick to my stomach atm and flashbacks and horrible memories. Am crying again. Cant stand all the crying. Cant be struggling this much! Cant! Everything seems different. Its the fact im still being abused in many ways and have never put name to the now and idk... just seems like things are harder with a name put to it. I dont wanna say its SA or abuse. Not gonna say it is either. Dont have to im sure either. Hate struggling. Taking baby steps or one day at a times hard :(
kill me?
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Youre second line is VERY wrong!!!!! If nobody wants me killed then why did my birth parents attempt too more than once? Why did one the boys who SA say he would? Why do people tell me to go die in a ditch cause nobody gives a ****? Why do people say to my face they wish I were dead?
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
let me rephrase: no decent person wants you killed. anyone who tries/means that is not worth listening to, its wrong want someone to be killed hun, anyone who wants that is messed up.
and whoever told you to go die in a ditch because nobody gives a **** is doubly wrong, lots of people care <3
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
