None of this was your fault jodie. No means no. I don't really no what else to say except to send you big hugs, and tell you to look after yourself cause you're an amazing and caring person which is easily provable, e.g bringing me balloons and face paints when I was in hospital and cheering me up markedly.
Absolutely not. You need to stop thinking that and make sure to take care of yourself too...
To add to this good point further, it's HIS fault entirely. He shouldn't have done anything if it wasn't consented to, he shouldn't have had to be repeatedly told no in order for him to stop. It was his choice to carry on, it was his fault and no one else's. It doesn't matter what had happened earlier in the evening, it wouldn't matter if he was in a committed relationship with you, it wouldn't matter if he was a stranger.
You are no more to blame than I, (when I experienced something similar) or anyone else who has experienced anything like this.
I really, really want to OD right now but there are people around. Everyone has left by tomorrow.... I have the pills. I need them.
I'm being so fucking stupid. He had sex with me, so fucking what. Why am I so hurt and frightened? It was just sex. It's not like he beat me. I'm being pathetic aren't I?
No your not and it wasn't just sex, sex is something that is consensual and enjoyable and what happened was neither of those things. You don't have to be beaten to be hurt, what happened has obviously hurt you emotionally and that is a much stronger pain than anything physical. You are allowed to feel the way you do and yeah it feels crap right now but you will get through it. You need to rely on the people who care about you now till you can get through this and it isn't something that will go away overnight.
What is it that makes you feel frightened right now?
And I keep feeling like we should have just got some money out of it. Least then I'd have a reason for why he did it. He was paying for it. I have no reason for why men hurt me. Why me? What's wrong with *me*?
You do not need to be sorry, you have done nothing wrong. I know it might seem like you keep getting hurt but this is not because of anything you have done. You are already in a vulnerable position and people who are that way inclined to hurt others sometimes pick up on that and hurt those people because they are less likely to take matters further i.e. report them. This doesn't make it your fault and it doesn't mean that everyone will hurt you but you need time now to become stronger.
Even if he had paid you for it, do you really think it would make you feel better about it? Or would it make you feel other negative feelings? Even if he had paid you it would not have made it okay because it was something you did not want and so was intrusive of your rights as a human being.
If you are having physical feelings can you try some grounding techniques which create very different physical feelings so you can remind yourself it is not real?
E.g. have a shower/bath,
moisture-this can be really good if you feel comfortable to touch your own skin because it is a calming, gentle feeling and if you use scented lotions it is a really good grounding techinique.
Tense all the muscles in your body one by one and relax them. So start with your toes, then your lower legs and work up to your head.
Put on some happy music and dance
Keep talking here if it keeps you busy Jodie, we are all here to listen.
I was trying grounding stuff earlier, but things seem to be really.... garish, I think is the word. Light is too bright. Sound is too loud. Touch is too hard. I can't taste properly and my nose burns from smells I don't think are actually there.
I know some people target vulnerable people. But I wasn't feeling vulnerable. And it had been a good two years since a guy physically hurt me. I mean, iv'e been followed home and stuff but nothing major. But then again... why me? I don't understand why it's me... my friends have never had anything like this and I've been hurt or 'abused' so much. Why? What did do? What is it about me?
I was trying grounding stuff earlier, but things seem to be really.... garish, I think is the word. Light is too bright. Sound is too loud. Touch is too hard. I can't taste properly and my nose burns from smells I don't think are actually there.
I know some people target vulnerable people. But I wasn't feeling vulnerable. And it had been a good two years since a guy physically hurt me. I mean, iv'e been followed home and stuff but nothing major. But then again... why me? I don't understand why it's me... my friends have never had anything like this and I've been hurt or 'abused' so much. Why? What did do? What is it about me?
I realised a looong time ago that a major problem that I constantly saw at RYL was girls drinking with people who latter took advantage of the situation. I've probably seen a couple hundred "Help I think I've Been Raped" threads where a girl posts she was drinking somewhere (private parties are the worst it seems) and then things turned ugly - or they woke up with their clothes off and didn't recall how they got off.
Don't be too sure nothing happened to your friends since not everyone tells for various reasons. In your case - did you even know this guy? of course there is no excuse for him forcing his will but its not wise to get drinking and intimate with randoms even if its not meant to go far. People will get mad at me for saying that but its a true fact I've seen lead to countless broken hearts.
Its wise to have protocols with regard to drinking with people - especially if any are looking for action. Don't be too quick to trust people or to assume all people are basically good. That kind of attitude is like wearing a "Kick Me" sign.
Conversely its not good to be jaded either. People too open to other people and experiences soon get burned - and then they want view the world cynically from behind a defensive stance toward life. Its better to be wise and view people as "probably" good but needing to prove it before they EARN trust incrementally.
I would never invite a guy back. And I know I shouldn't have agreed to it. But you're right.... I need to be more careful.
I should point out though that this wasn't a 'standard' gone out, got drunk, met a guy, brought him back, now crying rape thing. But still. You're probably right when applying it to my actual situ.
I would never invite a guy back. And I know I shouldn't have agreed to it. But you're right.... I need to be more careful.
I should point out though that this wasn't a 'standard' gone out, got drunk, met a guy, brought him back, now crying rape thing. But still. You're probably right when applying it to my actual situ.
I don't know if there is a standard. I just read the part about inviting a guy up, being drunk, clothes coming off etc. - didn't sound wise from the partial bits I read. That's not to excuse the creep (and I'm sure he was) of course. You've been vulnerable for weeks so I think you should be careful with people until your solid again imo.
*hugs*
you dont have to say anythink chick
just be kind to yourself and take things as slow as you like
what happened wasnt your fault
rember it was NONE of you Fault u didnt deserve it it shouldnt of happened and i wish i could offer better adice sorry to be useless
young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly
she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............
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I really, really want to OD right now but there are people around. Everyone has left by tomorrow.... I have the pills. I need them. 
