I've just stumbled across this and I've found it a very compelling story so far.
It sounds like you have a strong, realistic plot line. It's not unheard of for those working in a caring role to have overcome similar issues in the past (tenancy/housing support workers are a good example)
It will be interesting to see how much more the protagonist's past affects her in her line of work now. Does she care too much? Will she burn out and break down at any stage? These are all certainly questions I would be asking having read your extracts so far.
I am intrigued as to her back story and you seem to have introduced just the right amount of detail of it, not giving too much away too soon and this ties in with the suspense element of it nicely.
Just out of interest, what sort of research did you do for this story? Only asking because this is possibly one of the most in touch with reality pieces I've read on here in a while. There are a fair few stories of this type that seem to lack clarity because of the inaccuracies between what the writer has written and what actually happens in real life, so that's a very strong positive to take forward.
I for one would definitely read if you wrote more and I hope you do post what you've written.
Ah, finally a solid response, thank you so much! :D
I haven't actually done much research, it is purely coming from personal experience and my general knowledge base of the nursing/medical profession. Add to that the fact that I've spent just over 4 months in hospital the past 1.5 years.
Will be updating more in the next post, because of the reply to quote but as a little sneak peak for down the road: "there will be some major complications for Maya and they will really test her sense of Moral Responsibility. What will she do? Will she go beyond her professional boundaries or will she stay close and not jeopardize her career and quite possibly her relationship with the one person who means the most?"
“Hey Maya can you give me a hand with a room search on Zach? He’s just indicated that he’s suicidal and we need to make sure he hasn’t got anything he could hurt himself with” Brian says as he pokes his head inside the office. “Sure not a problem, need a pair of gloves?” He nods in response as I grab two pairs from the box hanging on the wall.
Walking into Zach’s room is as if a bomb has exploded, with a un-moving Zach laying face down on his bed “Zach, its Maya do you mind if we do a room search? We’ve got to make sure you have nothing that you can hurt yourself with mate” I say softly as Zach mumbles something inaudible I nod to Brian to begin.
I walk out of Zach’s room holding shoelaces, a shoulder bag and excess paper he’s been rolling into a tight cylinder, you had to give it to the kid he was nothing but ingenious. Sitting down back in the office I sigh it’s not even lunchtime yet and I have another 4 hours to go, today was much quieter than usual. So I decide to go and check in on Sam, as usual I find her in her room sitting with her back facing the door looking out the window to the back of the Adult ward. “Sam do you mind if I come in and chat with you?” I say as I poke my head in the door, she nods in agreement and moves onto her bed letting me sit in the chair. “So what was going on this morning? You barely participated in group and you’ve barely left your room all morning.” I ask as I move the chair to face her and sit down. “I don’t want to be here okay? It’s been six weeks now, I want to get out of here I don’t belong here.” Sam says harshly towards me. “And you think sulking in bed and not participating in groups is going to help that? It’s going to hinder you Sam, eventually yes you will get out of here if you keep doing that but it’ll take much longer than if you start participating and actually getting something of worth out of your stay here. You don’t want to think in a months’ time “Oh crap I don’t want to feel like this anymore” and have to start from scratch again do you? This is your third time here Sam and we hate to see you back here every time. But soon enough you’re going to be an adult and you’re going to be treated differently if you come back here a fourth time, you’ll be expected to make your own informed decisions about what you do or don’t do and until then you don’t have to worry about those because your parents can still make them for you.
But I still encourage you to start taking responsibility for your care so that once you turn 18 it doesn’t come as a huge shock for you. I know you feel like absolute **** and you may feel like that for a while yet, but at the bottom of Pandora’s Box there’s always hope and you have to focus on that. Now lunch is in half an hour, I want you out of your room and in either one of the living areas doing something, whether it’s reading, writing, watching tv or talking to the other patients I don’t care. Because right now I can tell you’re not feeling all that safe and that you’re feeling impulsive, hence the reason why you want to go home. Am I correct?” I question as Sam lowers her head and nods. “It’s okay Sam you’re allowed to feel like this and I know you’re frustrated, heck I would be too, but you’re here to start to get better and being in here isn’t helping you okay?” I finish as she looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “I often wonder with you Maya you know? I often wonder why you know so much about this place, you’re not like most of the other nurses you connect with us on a completely different level as if you’ve been in our shoes sat on this bed even, you make us feel like we have some sort of hope and that we’re respected as human beings. But you’re too together to have ever been in a psych ward let alone to have been ‘crazy’ so it doesn’t matter.” She sighs. “Ah but on the contrary Sam it does matter how I connect with you, I don’t have any formal qualifications in psychology but I look after you every day and it’s my job to make sure that you’re okay in every way shape and form. Oh and Sam thanks, it really means a lot to me what you just said, I’m often so worked off my feet that I don’t get the time to be appreciated and to know that I doing something right, so off to the lounge room now okay? I’ll check on you right before lunch and we’ll go down together, how does that sound?” I ask looking at her. “Promise you’ll check on me?” She says tentatively to me as I nod in agreement “Okay” She nods as she pokes her head out the door as if to check if anyone’s in the hall and dashes off down towards the living area.
“I’ve just talked with Sam and she’s expressed that she’s not feeling the best right now and I think I’m going to leave her observations for the moment, she’s on 30 minute OB’s so that gives us a little bit of room to move if she deteriorates. So she’s sitting in the lounge room now, but I think we should do a room search after lunch just to err on the side of caution.” I say as I re-enter the nurses’ station and grab Sam’s notes Demelza peers over her own set of notes at me and says “She didn’t attend group this morning either, sorry I meant to tell you but I got caught up with the doctors and my girls. Oh and I think Sam is seeing her doctor straight after lunch, I think he left the note on the board”. I peer over towards the white board that holds all the patients names and see (sadly) that Nicole’s name has been wiped off and that there is indeed a note next to Sam’s name confirming what Demelza had just told me.
After finishing writing notes for Sam I head out into the corridor to find Sam and take her to lunch but I find her in a corner of the common room sobbing into a blanket that has been placed over her by another patient. “Hey Sam, what’s up honey? What can I do to help?” I speak softly as I sit down opposite her on another couch. She replies back to me angrily “I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this, **** Pandora’s Box and **** hope I want to die.” I quickly try to assess her, currently she’s unable to hurt herself as I’m in the room with her and she’s also not able to hurt anyone else. “Sam, do you have any plans, anything in your room that you could hurt yourself with?” I say.
She glares back and me and spits out “I’m a self harmer, everything is a weapon, heck the pen sitting on the table in front of me is looking appealing to me right now” I quickly move the pen away from her reaches. Just as I’m about to speak Anabel walks past and I quickly get up and grab her “Anabel I need you get a tray of food for Sam from the Cafeteria when it opens up if you could? I think it’s safer if I sit with her for a little while as she’s not feeling safe at the moment and I’m hoping to calm her down before doing anything rash” She nods and replies “Want me to tell Andrew? We might need a hand with lunch and if you need Bill he’s on extension 03 of your pager.” she finishes quickly and heads of back towards the nurses’ station.
“Okay Sam so what we’re going to do now is we’re going to just ride the wave okay? This emotion may feel like it’s extremely intense and that you have to follow through with the thoughts that are going through your head, but if you just acknowledge that they’re there and put them to one side while focusing on eating lunch we’ll get you through this okay? You’re still on thirty minute observations, I haven’t moved you up and you’re not going upstairs we’re going to manage it and sit it out, I know you can do it, we did it two days ago.” I say to her as she takes a tentative bite of her sandwich. I’ve known Sam now for two weeks and she’s been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, her moods are erratic and she often gets quite impulsive, but by using some DBT skills I learnt as a teen as well as while studying at Uni I’ve found that she responds quite well to mindfulness and ‘Riding the wave’ as I like to call it. She’s a good kid, she just has a few funny quirks about her, just like all of us.
Ah, finally a solid response, thank you so much! :D
I haven't actually done much research, it is purely coming from personal experience and my general knowledge base of the nursing/medical profession. Add to that the fact that I've spent just over 4 months in hospital the past 1.5 years.
Will be updating more in the next post, because of the reply to quote but as a little sneak peak for down the road: "there will be some major complications for Maya and they will really test her sense of Moral Responsibility. What will she do? Will she go beyond her professional boundaries or will she stay close and not jeopardize her career and quite possibly her relationship with the one person who means the most?"
No problem I do enjoy admiring the talent of others and take a lot of inspiration from this into my own projects (which are a little dried up at the moment due to being busy/stressed).
It's still looking great, and I like the route you're going to take with this. I know on programmes like Casualty this seems to happen A LOT, ie a lot more than would realistically happen without someone getting sacked (Ruth's storyline in Casualty earlier this year springs to mind) etc etc. but I'm sure with your plot and writing abilities, you'll be able go beyond the 'soapy' aspect of such a storyline and make it really stand out.
My only comment (not really a criticism but more something that would be beneficial for the writing style to play on the emotional/tense element of the story - particularly with a BPD character) might be to suggest breaking up some of the dialogue a little more as parts of the last extract had some quite lengthy dialogue. All the actual dialogue was great, nothing wrong with it at all but maybe perhaps break it up physically in terms of spaces (ie, new line for each person speaking) and also by giving a few more reactions, which would be great for really highlighting the emotional instability of a BPD character for example. I hope you don't mind me suggesting that.
Good luck with it and I look forward to reading more.
Hey guys, sorry I haven't been keeping you updated, things have been a little hectic for me lately..
I was under schedule for two weeks and only just got out on Thursday, I still have chapters typed up and ready to go for you so I'll post a little later tonight. Thanks for your continued support though xx
is observations that chart the nurse carries around with her and writes little things on, it has lots of lines, for each patient, i wondered what it was, but when i took it they took it back and got angry with me and wouldnt let me know what it was?
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me there.
i give up
Moar please
I do enjoy admiring the talent of others and take a lot of inspiration from this into my own projects (which are a little dried up at the moment due to being busy/stressed).
