I'm not proposing we do anything. There's not much that can be done anyhow. I was just curious as to what other people thought of it.
Perhaps this can be moved to "news and debate" thread then?
it isn't really a forum or community enquiry or doing anything to help RYL.
i would possibly better on there as people can discuss words they use and why.
Perhaps this can be moved to "news and debate" thread then? it isn't really a forum or community enquiry or doing anything to help RYL.
i would possibly better on there as people can discuss words they use and why.
Not necessarily. It does seem to be raising awareness about it, and making people think about how their words may affect someone else.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
I'm always very aware of my age, and others ages in relation to mine. I don't tend to use such terms, although occasionally feel drawn to, but I realise how it would be inappropriate for a 40 year old to say such to a 16 year old, and the opposite would be a bit weird too.
Perhaps this can be moved to "news and debate" thread then?
it isn't really a forum or community enquiry or doing anything to help RYL.
i would possibly better on there as people can discuss words they use and why.
I don't know; I definitely think that raising awareness about an issue for some people on RYL is positive for the community.
And no, the words certainly shouldn't be banned - but I think it's quite positive just to raise awareness that some people don't like them. Plus, to those people who've said that they use them - I can't speak for anybody else, but I know that personally, I don't have a problem being called those names from people I know and like - for example, Liv.
The difference is, if I'm asking for support and some random person replies and uses those terms, I do find it a little patronising - despite the positive intention, and I do know that it is a positive intention.
Saying that, I don't particularly like it when people I don't know call me 'love' or 'duck', either (and I'm in Yorkshire - it happens a lot!) - I just find it slightly invasive.
i do use the *hugs* a lot. otherwise nothing else though.
i used to feel uncomfortable about "sweetie" and stuff when i first got on here, but now i realize people are just trying to be nice and that it means they care about my situation so now i don't mind. but i could see people finding it awkward.
I give people lots of virtual *hugs* because I know that I can't do that IRL because of the sensory problems I have but people like virtual hugs at least when they're sad usually.
I don't use the others though, and it depends on the context whether it's patronizing or not. Some people are just really affectionate.
I'm another who's guilty of the "virtual hugging." But I do this offline, as well; if someone comes to me with a problem and they need my advice, I often will at least offer my shoulder. My parents have both always been physically affectionate, especially as a comfort/support mechanism, so I'm the same. I've learned to be more reserved, but through most of my childhood it was my habit to express my affection for other people openly.
The thing is, I've learned that it's almost never okay to do this around others; I think the distrust and censure around using affection as a form of support are even stronger because I'm a man. So generally I reserve it for situations when I think it will be accepted or needed. If someone comes to me needing advice or an ear, I almost always at least offer a hug; whether I'm close friends with that person or not, the fact that they found me suitable as a confidant is enough to make me take them seriously. It doesn't help that I relate easily to other people.
I guess in my case it's that same sense of connection or empathy that prompts me to "virtual" affection here on RYL, as well. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it in such a strong negative light before. Having read this, I'll be a bit more conscientious, I think.
Okay then another one. My psychologist used to say "good girl" and "my dear" to me and when I told him it made me feel like a little kid, he stopped saying it.
Personally I dont find it patronising but thats just me. Ill only say stuff like that if I know the person. as regards to the virtual hugs, they are actually nice. I know they make a lot of people feel better (including myself sometimes!) so I kinda think this is just nitpicking. Dont like it? Dont read it :)
Personally I dont find it patronising but thats just me. Ill only say stuff like that if I know the person. as regards to the virtual hugs, they are actually nice. I know they make a lot of people feel better (including myself sometimes!) so I kinda think this is just nitpicking. Dont like it? Dont read it :)
Are you actually suggesting that people shouldn't read the replies to their own support threads? Because that seems a little counter-productive to me.
Okay then another one. My psychologist used to say "good girl" and "my dear" to me and when I told him it made me feel like a little kid, he stopped saying it.
So what's your opinion on affectionate language on the forum?, more to the point.
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Maybe if it bothers people they could quote the reply that they have an issue with and let that person know that they'd rather not be typed to like that.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
So what's your opinion on affectionate language on the forum?, more to the point.
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Maybe if it bothers people they could quote the reply that they have an issue with and let that person know that they'd rather not be typed to like that.
I think quoting someone on the thread and saying that wont work....will just cause upset and make people start flaming each other.
But PMing the person could work?x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I think quoting someone on the thread and saying that wont work....will just cause upset and make people start flaming each other.
But PMing the person could work?x
If it was worded right, it could be okay maybe.
I think PM-ing is a good idea though, just in case someone takes something the wrong way in the middle of a thread. Better way of working things out on a 1:1 :)
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
O-o oh dear!ive realised recently and even more so after this that i use these terms quite a lot now!!So im probably one of those people who can really annoy others on RYL who dont like it!
i think its interesting ive become this way - and possibly overuse the terms.i never used to like this kind of language myself years ago [though often felt a need to feel cared for by others and this sometimes helped] but a long time ago i used another website and it was pretty much every other word that something like that may be used.
Again i think it was perhaps just people trying to be kind but it has rubbed off on me! Not that i totally blame one website for i am now though of course lol.It just sprang to mind.
When i think about why i use this type of language/why i may have come to use it so much i guess also [and i realise maybe this is a bad thing] sometimes i may be using it when im not sure what else to say but want the person to feel cared for.And im sorry if this is wrong or makes people feel the opposite etc!Heck thats the last thing i want.
Thanks for bringing this up.It has made me more aware of it!
And im sorry to any of those i may have made to feel uncomfortable without meaning too.
i'll try and be more careful!
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
