Katie, I know it feels like you're alone - but you aren't. If you need a chat, PM me and I'll let you have my MSN address or something. I'm here for you, and I'm sure I'm not the only one :)
katie do you even know if she is abroad? Have you had a message or anything from her?
Your appointment is tomorrow isn't it? so I am sure she will get in touch somehow today. Perhaps talking to her on the phone would help even if she can't make the appointment.
I realise how much you are struggling and I really hope things improve. I'm glad you managed well at work. It seems to keep you more grounded which is a good thing. I know it is hard but can you perhaps do something with friends or your flatmate today/tonight to keep you safe and away from the news. It might help distact you to have someone around.
it will be ok sweetie. I know you feel you aren't coping but you are still alive and holding on for your therapist so that is something. Don't give up now sweetheart. x
Have you had any you time, to relax and pamper yourself since this current news begun. I know you have been to work, and I am proud of you for doing that - but that doesn't count as you time.
Can you maybe take a bath, or contact your homeopath (sorry, can't spell) to see you can make an appointment with them or to discuss what may distract you?
You can get through this, I know you can and I think you know it is not a permanent thing. Your therapist is coming back. I know it is a struggle, but that is why you need to take extra time to take care of yourself and try, really do try to pull yourself away from the news feeds - as they will only stress you out more.
I am sending lots of hugs your way and thinking of you.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Thank you everyone for being here for me, it means a lot. One of the most painful things is that few people understand. I spoke with my manager at work today, and, although she was caring, she doesn't really understand. And of course it was 'how does it effect you at work?' I did say how I'm more vulnerable, and irritable and feel very unsafe getting to and from work. She asked if I need time off, but that really wouldn't help, not unless I completely break down.
My appointment is due to be Monday. It's tomorrow I've been planning to email her to see if she can give me an idea of the situation for her and whether she is stuck or not. I don't know WHERE she is. She has very clear boundaries like that.
Relaxing? I can only do that once I've taken my medication and am tucked up in bed.
The trouble is, or a blessing but a trouble, is that I'm so split. I appear some times to be coping, but internally in another layer, things are falling apart.
.. I had been feeling better. But now I just feel awful again. Too much feeling of uncertainty. And then there was another disaster with people killed, too, in Africa.
I've not emailed her. Too scared.
Too much to worry about.
I bet it's a relief about the planes now though, yes? Why are you scared to email her? What is it that you need to say? I understand what you mean about disasters, I've been letting it get to me a bit too.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
Yes, partly a relief. But there's still so many cancellations and they say it could take several weeks to 'repatriate' everyone.
I'm scared if I got a response, and if I didn't get a response.
She said she'd always contact me if she ever got stuck somewhere. But when? Everything's so uncertain. I'm scared to move away from my computer in case she emails. And I get really agitated if one of my flatmates is on the phone, and I jump whenever it rings.
Found out earlier she's not paid in my last month's fee cheque, at least as of 15th, when my bank statement goes up to. That keeps putting me in a complete panic. Clearly she's not at home then, it would seem.
I want to die.
Thinking maybe I should just get another therapist. But that wouldn't be 'my' thinking.
But it hurts so much like hell.
I feel so very isolated and alone.
Seeing pics on BBC site earlier of people arriving safely home and hugging made me cry.
I see my GP on Friday, and she'll probably be annoyed with me for reading the news and all. But reading it helps me feel I have some control. Knowledge is ... some power, at least. Does that make sense?
Can't do the washing machine thing as there's a 3 and a half year old living here. They're not all together in one place, though am considering it. [Well, maybe Katrina is, not me, but it's all very blurry right now.]
I wonder how many people will attempt suicide due to the human effects of the management of the volcano ash and the isolation imposed/perceived.
Are your flatmates home? If they are then do you think you could try and tell them you could with some company?
It does make sense, yes, knowing something can help us gain more control than not knowing at all and just wondering. The last I heard, it should only take several days for things to get back to normal. When do you see your therapist again, do you know? I'm sure if she thought she couldn't make it then she'd have told you by now.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
My appointment is due to be 10.30 on Monday morning.
One of my flatmates is in, watching TV. It would be too weird and out of character for me to ask to sit in there too.
Thanks Zed.
I'll probably try and get an early night tonight, earlier than the past 2 nights anyway, when I've been sat up watching for the latest flight news. I feel better once I've had my meds.
It's times like these when I should probably be on the higher dose, but going up and coming down would be too problematic.
OK. An early night sounds like a good idea. And I'm pretty much definitely sure that, considering the appointment's Monday, she'd have told you by now if she couldn't make it.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
I started making some 'preparations' last night. I can't really say what, as it is probably against the rules. I then cried for ages before my meds clicked in and I went to sleep.
I feel so raw and alone.
I can't go to hospital as they wouldn't understand.
I see my GP tomorrow afternoon. I'll wait until then, at least, before I do anything.
Katie, it will be ok. Trust me. I know you are hurting and raw but keep hanging on.
Forget about your "preparations". You should know as well as anyone here that any kind of plan is a cause for concern. You need to take care of yourself darling.
Besides think of the guilt your therapist would feel if she made it to the appointment on Monday and you weren't there. She wouldn't want that to happen sweetheart, wherever she is she is doing her best and there seems no reason that she won't be back by Monday. I would email her and ask. Perhaps today so then if you get a reply you didn't want you at least have the support of your gp tomorrow. x
