Thank you my lovlies. I really appreciate all the support, really.
I spoke to him yesterday, he hasn't managed it yet. I don't know what to do now. He said some lovely things on the phone. He got very emotional and told me he really misses me. Said he wanted me to know he loves me loads and is really really sorry for what he has done.
I expect a phonecall from him tomorrow. Maybe I'm just hoping for one, I don't know. I kind of have to be strong guys.
Because if I'm not then I don't know what I am supposed to be.
This is so hard. But I know, and am certain in, my immense love for him.
We have always been so strong, that I WANT to believe him and love him fully, and rely on him and have faith in him all again.
I think we may have to start again in some respects. It will be a long time until he lives with me again, if ever. I don't know yet whether I really AM strong enough for all of this. I'm still so confused and I want to know what he says and how he deals with her. I want to know, and for him to let me in so that we can go ****ing forward already. It's been a month and I am sick to tha back teeth of looking at what has gone past. I want to know what tomorrow brings, and the next day, and the day after that.
What our future holds. Because whatever happens, right now? I want my best-frined in my life. Somehow :/
Oh, and I don't half want to shag him ;) Hornier than a bitch on heat in summer! Lol.
What the **** do I do next? What's the first step in this path?
****ed if I know!!
Love you all,
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
(I bought myself a prezzie a few weeks ago Mand, it just aint the same as the real thing!)
Well well. Information time for you lovely girls (and boys if you read this).
So he called me on friday as I have said. And he called me today too.
It would seem that when he called friday, he had already done it. He got emotional over the phone because he knew my reaction would be strong and he wanted to tell me when he was less confused.
So he told me today.
He has broken off with her. He told her he needed to step away, and sort himself out and couldn't see her. NOT the truth. Which made me angry if I am to be honest with you. I wanted him to be blunt because this woman is so unstable. I wanted him to say, I love my wife and I want to make this ok. But he didn't, and right now I don't know how to react to all of this.
"Are you going back to her? Is this all about your ****ing wife?" YES is the answer you stupid, pathetic excuse for a human being! She's just lucky I can't get to her. It would seem she has been checking my facebook updates and grilling him about them. She is SUPER paranoid. WELL SO AM I FOR GOODNESS SAKE! AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE.
I can't have this woman in my life, I can't. I don't care how messed up she is.
"Don't crow about it all over facebook, she'll see it and go mad"
I don't care. See these lips? read them. I DON'T CARE.
Now my facebook is private. She can't see it.
I need this wman out of my ****ing head! I have to be cautious? I have to worry about the fallout from this? NO.
Help?
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
I know, my heart and my gut are saying at least he did it! At least he cared enough to cry about it, and to tell me he loves me and he wants me to know he misses me and wants to try and prove himself.
My head on the other hand is totally screaming!
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
I can understand totally if you are fuming that he wasn't direct about it, but maybe he had to do t this way to avoid any repercussions that maight have caused you guys problems in the future? TBH though if I was in your position, I'd kind of want to rub it in her face and make her upset. Having said that I've no where near the patience and decorum you are showing!
Play the game out
Amor Vincit Omnia
Dad 10/11/2008 Always our sunshine, I'm still playing for the town hall clock
Ha, thank you. I'm calmer now, and I see why he did it this way.
At the moment I'm just worried. She is complete denial and thinks they're still together. I'm worried he'll have to change jobs, he's already going to have change his number. He tried to block her number from his phone but it wouldn't allow him to.
I just want this ****ing woman out of my life. No friendship, no sex, no nothing with her. If he ever touches her again he'll never see my face and he knows that.
I just want to get on with fixing what he has broken. I can't put into words, the pain and heartache he has caused me. I can't describe what I have been through in the last month.
If this is ever going to work we need to look forward, and the sooner we can do that the better.
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
can't his phone company block the number? you can get free simcards for most mobiles on the net now if you need one.
just cut all contact, if she keep coming to you it's harrassment, report it to the police let them deal with her, they'll be as direct as needs be to sort her out.
and yes, it's not the same as the real thing, infact when i bought my rampant rabbit i was very disappointed with it and it got used only a handful of time before i chucked it out.
mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Thanks Mand. I'm trying to leave it to him. He dug his hole, he has to work out how to climb out of it.
Rain, my biggest and always has been most stubborn, habit is that I find it really hard to think of myself first. I've always neglected myself for other people. One my closest friends said to be yesterday "Learn to be ****ing selfish for once!" and I realised, I'm still thinking of him.
But I can't help that. He's my Husband, and remains my husband until we decide otherwise. Right now I love him strongly, we have always been so strong and our connection has been immense since we first met.
Right now it's a huge knock to me that my strength has faded.
He was part of that and it's like losing a ****ing limb.
Love,
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
It does help, from people I know and people I don't.
I'm starting to feel like i'm losing this fight. I'm not strong enough for this.
I've cried myself to sleep 4 nights in a row now.
He's coming to the flat this weekend to hang out and talk. We still have alot of that to do. Right now I don't even know what to say to him.
I'm hurting but I want to get this sorted. Except now, I'm so ****ing paranoid! Everything I have in me is crying out for him to fight for me and show me he wants to make this ok but that's not him. He doesn't beg, he quits and if he quits now I don't know what the hell I do next.
He tells me one thing but I feel another. When he says nice things I doubt him, he says he loves me and he misses me and he wants marriage counselling, and I doubt it. All of it.
He says he's fine, I say really? He says he loves me, I say do you?
It's taken me a month and a half and NOW I fall apart?
****.
Thank you guys, in advance, because I know you'll give me lots of support.
I just feel so weak.
Iz x
Last edited by UbermoronicismAgain : 18-09-2009 at 03:21 PM.
Reason: Typing so fast I end up not being able to spell! x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
Iz, just wanted to say that I'm here if you need to talk, I've been thinking of you this week and wondering how you are. Hope things go ok this weekend, I'll be thinking of you xxx
So close. We were SO ****ing close to making this ok. Making it all better. He made grand gesture number one, he promised this is what he really wants. He made this sound like it was all possible.
Then (does great big crash and burn sound effects) Bombshell.
"She's pregnant" he annouces to me.
What? Some kind of cruel joke? A way of telling me he wants out? He's going to be with her? He's not all that sorry?
Nope. None of the above.
It's ****ed. She's having his baby.
What?
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
do you know for sure that this isn't some mindgame she's playing? she's proved a bit nutty in the past.
it could still all work even if she is pregnant, she took the chance of being a single mother when she decided to sleep with a married man unprotected.
*hugs* take some time hun. mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I have heard of marriages that stay together after affairs. It's hard, but possible. Ultimately, it's up to you. You're not weak for making the marriage work, in fact I would say that is strong. It would be hard to go back to someone who broke your trust like that. But you have every right to leave him too. Really, it's what YOU want. I think if you do go back, couple's counseling will be a good idea. Like you said you need to process the anger and a counselor can help you and your husband do that and heal together and kind of guide the discussion so it doesn't get out of hand with blaming and stuff. hang in there and i think you're really strong for getting through this!
