Worthless & used by people,sick of it! Name: J.A.R
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Iowa, USA
I am currently:
Hi, it is my first time on this board, I have looked at it a few times but never posted. But, I have a question if people don't mind. I don't think I have DID, but it feel like there are different parts of me. And most of the time when I disassociate I either have a real hard time remembering what took place during that time, or I can't at all. But most of all what I am wondering about is lately, I have disassociated to an extent that I haven't before a couple times in counseling and when I get home I have no choice but to lay down and sleep because I am just so wiped out. Has anyone else experienced that before?
Shattered
Different parts & ages: The little girl, "J" who's full of hate, Someone who actually knows happiness, One who's depressed & has no self confidence, "The shell" who just goes through the motions of daily living, numb. Without emotions. All these parts form the person known as J.A.R. I'm no longer whole. These parts need to be combined to make me whole; it's just not known how or if this can be done. Maybe I'll never again be whole, maybe I'll always remain the way I am.
Shattered.
shattered - yes i have experience with this. i don't have DID, but i have 4 alters...one is a child, one is a teenager, and then there are two adults...one is very spiritual, and one is a prostitute. i dissociate while i am one of them, and lose a bit of time. i can't recognize myself in the mirror when i'm her....but she protects me.
so yeah, i think it's possible to have alters and not have DID. it doesn't make you weird or anything:)
Morning Everyone, Nice to see the thread coming back to life.
A new alter appeared in counselling yesterday, I really don't know much about her but apparently she can't walk very well at all.
Everything in the external world is kinda falling to pieces and I think it's really unnerving the system.
xox
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
sorry we havent been around in a while. hope everyone is doin ok.
Stressing bad over july. daughters bday is on 8th and hubbys bday on 16th and have no $ once again to do anything special that i want to for them ..really hate that.. but the worst part is mom is having her surgeries on july 12th and im totally and completely terrified.
constant anxiety and adrenaline rushes.. xanax helps but i just cant take xanax constantly..
just wish i could go to sleep and wake up when its all over and everything is alright.. soo scared..
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Don't worry about it Hiding.
Maybe you could organise something that would be low cost? Maybe a picnic or something, it's the thought that counts atfer all :) hope your mum's surgery goes okay, we'll be thinking of you all *hugs*
I was having such a good relaxing morning... a great full sleep with some beautiful dreams I remembered vividly, ambient music all morning and then eating a fine meal. I feel so bad now, my dad talked awkwardly to me telling me he's sure my mom's been cheating on him. My mom just... went off one day. For almost no reason other than selfishness. I know who she's cheating with too, I almost want to tell my dad in hate towards my mom for doing that to him. Now I feel terrible. Lost. Empty.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It's okay Sadie, if you ever want to vent to us about anything our PM box is always open.
I'm sorry to hear about your Mum's infidelity Spenceland, I've never been in that situation (coming from a single parent family) so I don't really know what the best thing to suggest... To tell or not to tell. Is there anyone you could talk to?
I need to learn to not post when in a bipolar mood swing jeez. I feel fine about it and had an awkward lunch where we talked things over, I don't respect her any more than I did before, but whatever.
Been really out of it today though, and my dreams have become very realistic, and I ususally feel the same as I do in the dream when I wake up for like 10 minutes (though today I've felt the same for more like an hour). Interesting.
I thought it was important to let ones here that may worry about us..know that we are taking time away from RYL. With so much going on inside and outside for us lately the biggest being mom's sugeries on July 12th. We have decided for our own well being that our protection must be more strongly enforced concerning contact and trust due to betrayal and being hurt with atm we do not need more of.
we shall return at some time. I hope that everyone will understand our needs for this.
Please take care.
Karma(& others)
In a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace,
falling into empty space
With no-one there to catch you in their arms
Kahlia1981 & silentgirl are my RYL sisters Plumeria Sister
Hi am Dakota am 13 thought i would say hi.
We aren't coping to well with things right now.
We are self injuring a lot and engaging in ED behaviors.
Its mainly Angel21 and Ana who are engaging in the ED behaviors.
But we are doing it too.
There are so many of us we don't write down how many there is on our sig as there isn't enough room to do it in , just the ones who want to post.
more of who might want to post maybe added later.
Dakota
everyone's gone & Im alone & scared. I hate the silence. I'm really struggling *sigh* so scared & it's stupid
Previously unicorn-tears
In a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace,
falling into empty space
With no-one there to catch you in their arms
Kahlia1981 & silentgirl are my RYL sisters Plumeria Sister
I just hate being alone, especially this time of year. *sigh* I miss them. it's crap.
How's everyone doing?
Previously unicorn-tears
In a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace,
falling into empty space
With no-one there to catch you in their arms
Kahlia1981 & silentgirl are my RYL sisters Plumeria Sister
I know it's just temporary, but I'm starting to find peace within myself which is unusual for a morning.
The thought of working another day like yesterday (I pulled something in my leg lifting 30 bags of concrete that are more than half my weight) makes me sick. But I'll live, I will be very sad if I cripple early in life
My mind's racing as always, particularly now it's giving me a headache... yesterday I was seeing how vivid I could make my mental imagery, nothing truly vivid, just watermarks over my vision.
Sorry to barge in everyone but I feel I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like screaming my head off and falling in a heap. I've been waiting a year and a half for a DBT program to start and now I've been told that the pin has been pulled on it and it will never start. I had to give up so much in order to be able to get in to the program and it's something that everyone has recommended for me to do in order to get better so I'm just so confused at the moment, trying to figure out where to from here?!
"Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow No tomorrow And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you" Mad World, Gary Jules
Been very paranoid and delusional recently... it's been having it's ups and downs. Synesthesia becoming more physical and vividly visual, misinterpreting many sounds. Inability to stand still or look at people, thoughts fill me and make me paranoid and nightmarish.
![[Luna]'s Avatar](image.php?s=7910a3aa9cfe7aee8da46a5afbb228ab&u=32920&dateline=1692390196)
everyone's gone & Im alone & scared. I hate the silence. I'm really struggling *sigh* so scared & it's stupid
