Katrica - you are welcome to post here, and I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable doing so. I'm glad you are finding extra support on another site though, that's good.
Is this about the thread in F&C (or whatever it's called?)
sorry you are distracted, want to talk about what is going on in your head?
messaged T again
I sent:
I'm trying my best to be clear and communicate well. Things are getting harder. Someone cut last night. I don't know who. I'm going to get my arm checked. I don't know what else to say to help you understand. I haven't got a 'why' to explain what is going on, only the what. I'm trying, Ash.
She responded: 'ok look after things the best you can'
Apparently while dissociated, one of us took a call about something but I have NO memory of that call or that day? It could be put down to "normal" memory loss but it just doesn't seem right.
This is getting out of control. Really scared.
Next appointment with psychologist is in a few weeks time - any advice for now until then?
Sorry for posting, really am.
*safe hugs to all if wanted/needed* S'Euphoria Blossom/Chelsea (host), btw. Name changed.
i just want to add, this isn't solely a DID thread, it's designed for anyone experiencing dissociative distress. so anyone is welcome to post here. (that is in no way a comment on whether or not people here have DID, i'm just saying generally). hope i said this right :S i don't have DID but i'm still going to post here from time to time. xxx
My therapist wanted to see me today about what happened Monday night. I have class though, so I can't see her. Why is it that **** always happens on Mondays after our session? And when I actually want to talk about it (I usually avoid answering her questions about the dissociating), I can't. Frustrating.
Well he said it was because of what happened to me.
I feel really... like, I don't know. It's horrid. I don't know how I feel.
I'm constantly zoned out all the time these days.
It's all so confusing! I'm sorry xx
I couldn't sleep last night, though i was dissociated.
Something somebody said today "Haha. If i didn't know better i'd say she had multiple personality disorder" ... then he asked if i did.
I didn't know what to say. I laughed it off.
Laura wants to speak to him. as herself. oh dear.
Being sent back to school part time, but not for a few months.
I don't know if we can cope, as a system.
People will guess
People will know. We can't all act as kyle perfectly.
Alice has major issues with that. She even talks about him in the third person sometimes.
Urgh. It's tough. Given up on journalling. It didn't really help us.
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
My mum called me up asked me if I checked the freezer but I don't remember her asking me to do so. *cries* I am so confused and I want to cry so much but can't... I feel dead inside! I'm sorry if I upset anyone x-x-x
Still don't know who cut, its hurting. Ugh.
I know i should get my arm checked out. I do know i should. One needs stitches. Not sure about the others, But they're going to be ok with steri-strips.
Had flashbacks/somatic flashbacks all through Wednesday. I don't understand half of it. It's scary as hell. I think i've blocked them out/pushed them down again, it wasn't conscious... but I am glad... Ugh.
Chelsea,
We know what that is like. We try to keep it a general rule that if anything important (phone calls, favors etc) happens while they are out could they record it/write it down. O course this doesn't always work, we don't have communication with a lot of the system, but it helps and is definitely worth a try.
Facet, it seems you are communicating better with you therapist, congratulations! Sorry that the appointments clash with stuff though... That really blows.
Lyssie,
It sounds hard, ((((safe hugs))))
Grounding techniques can really help with flashbacks, but it depends on the severity. Flashbacks are a way for the brain to process information, since it wasn't possible at the time. So if you can 'sit with them' they WILL ease. I know it sounds horrible and impossible, but it helps. As a rule (with exceptions) the brain/mind only allows as much as it thinks you are able to cope with, if things get too much distract, scribble on paper, write, draw, loud music (you know the drill). So sorry....
Kyle
Hey, How are things at the moment?
Sometimes things like journalling make things harder at first but make things easier after some time. That is how it was for us. Journalling at one point was a compulsion the hand would just write and write and so much switching all over the place.... It's really scary to see other handwriting in the journal, so often when that feels too much, we use the computer, which is easier (much) for some of the younger ones who dont like much help from the older guys.
I stand by my original thought. If you spoke to a therapist, unless you were in danger of hurting yourself, they have Dr patient confidentiallity. I think it could be really beneficial to you..
Thank you for your kind and helpful messages.
*massive hugs to everyone*
It's like I am one minute watching my spinal surgery and then chest surgery (both that I went through) I don't know why it's happening (I'm even having vivid dreams of this), I can't seem to focus back to real life anymore... why it's those certaing things I do not know. My psych said in my case it's caused by a high state level of anxiety and it's because of the SA I went through and trying to zone out to a safe place... but surgery??? WTF??? =S
ETA: I don't see these images all the time, just about every 5-10 minutes but the time that I'm not having flashbacks I am depersionalized.
So I am totally baffled. I'm so scared, scared, really scared. I am so confused I can hardly talk, I lost £80 today, in town. Who knows what damage I could do to myself...
I think Lola wants me to cut. (I also suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia) I have spirits inside me and they seem to have taken over. I need to feel SOMETHING in this hell I am going through.
-sigh- xx
Last edited by Lyssie : 26-02-2009 at 11:51 PM.
Reason: xx
Have you got someone (professional wise) to talk to, that could perhaps give you some extra meds to help quell the anxiety?
What do you usually do to manage stressful situations?
Are you on meds for the schizophrenia?
I am not surprised that the surgery was traumatic, its very invasive and painful..... ..
Here with you
