will i ever be able to get over this and move on?
every person i see who looks at me i think is one of her friends and they want to hurt me. im to scared to leave the house now.
also since talking to the police the flashbacks and nightmares have intensified severely and they are so real to the point where i can feel them and smell them and it hurts too.
will i ever be normal?
I think with some therapy and help, and maybe a move to a new area you'll feel better. Also, do you like dogs? I think you'd be a good candidate for a psychiatric dog. Dogs help make you feel safer too if it's a big one that can protect you.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
i feel like ****
she keeps saying it all
maybe she is right
nothing feels right
my new mentor at work reminds me of her
she is very abrupt and keen to criticise people
and expects people to agree with her
feels like mum a bit
know im being stupid
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
really struggling to cope with what they are doing to me, having trouble believing that its not my fault because yesterday she said she loves me lots but has to teach me not to be bad by punishing me.
i tried to tell her im not bad but she said i am because ive been to the hospital and talking to people.
so is it my fault then?
after what happened yesterday the police have agreed to put up camera's in my house, so they can stop this.
No, she's wrong. She's just trying to trick you. She's the bad one and she's just trying to make you feel guilty by saying she loves you. She deserves to be in big trouble. *hugs* I really hope those cameras work.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
For as long as I can remember, since I was a child, my mom has made me cry myself to sleep almost everyday. As I grew older, it just got worse. I can't talk to her without her yelling or saying I have and attitude and I'm trying to start an argument. She wants me to talk to her, but I can't. Two years ago I scratched my arm with my nails because my mom pushed me over the edge. It didn't even break skin, but it was enough to get their attention. That day, she promised to make an effort to change. I kept her to that promise, but of course she didn't keep it. Now the temptation to cut is pushing me farther and farther. I have even had at least three asthma attacks due to stress my mother caused me, but I never told her because she would just think I'm exaggerating. I never considered it to be abuse until today. I'm not sure if it is, but all I know is it's pushing me closer to the edge of insanity, and I want help but I don't know how to get it or who to talk to. I have convinced myself that if I had died during my accident when I was two, or maybe even never born, everyones lives would be better. Everything is my fault. If I didn't exist she would never have taken her anger out on me, and my family. Sometimes I wish I was dead. At school I'm happy because it gets me away from my mom, and she can't yell at me there. I have friends and people to talk to, I can live my own life as the real me. But when I get home, I turn into this quiet girl who sits alone in her room crying and listening to music. I hate the person I have become. I even think she is the reason I have developed OCD. I am constantly obsessed with how I look, I can't concentrate, and my room needs to be spotless before I go to bed or else as soon as I wake up I am stressed out. My mom always talks about when Im older and WHEN i have kids, but the truth is I dont want kids because Im afraid I will abuse them like my mom did me. I dont want to become my mother.
Last edited by Aloneinthecorner : 23-09-2011 at 01:28 AM.
It sounds like your mom has really done an umber on your mind. Have you ever spoken to anyone about it? It sounds life it might be emotional/psychological abuse. But either way, you seem extremely distressed. Maybe you could try some family therapy and see if someone can help you talk to your mom and work some problems out. *hugs*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
