Hi hows everyone ?
We are having a hard time with flashbacks and body memories .
Its scary, little ones have gone into hiding, they don't want anyone to find them.
We understand why they are doing that .
yeah sorry i got everyone thinking about it and paranoid.. its always in the back of our minds but well after the convo with you kit kat, on the other board sarah and hiding started getting very scared and paranoid and we just decided it is safer this way.. and yes we know most of you and your colors as well. =)
Sorry so many of you guys are having such a rough time. We've been struggling with flashbacks & BMs too, it's horrible isn't it? Not really sure what to suggest to make you all feel safer. Thinking of you guys xxx
Previously unicorn-tears
In a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace,
falling into empty space
With no-one there to catch you in their arms
Kahlia1981 & silentgirl are my RYL sisters Plumeria Sister
there isnt really a color here i like. =/ anyhow im bored. and tryin to figure out why people dont talk to me much.. guess cus im quiet maybe, i dunno.
Yesterday my GP told me that everyone has younger emotional moments. That it's about what I DO with those emotions.
True, true.
She did mention that it's a problem having younger emotional stuff it it takes over completely and causes big problems.
But she didn't seem to think I fall into that group.
But I can't speak up for that in me as I'm sure she'd think I was just wanting more care.
At the moment Trini etc stuff is causing a lot of distress, though I'm untangling a LOT of past trauma stuff.
Yet, if my switchiness normal, and not dissociative pathological, maybe I can heal more easily?
But, my GP only usually gets part of the picture. My therapist might think of this slightly differently.
I know my younger stuff is more disruptive on my life than the norm - or maybe I'm just more conscious of it than the norm.
I don't know if I belong here at all.. i'll try and explain briefly and see what you guys think.
I have 'him', he's a voice I've been hearing for quite a while now..but he seems to be taking more control over things. It's like he's my puppet master, I have pretty much no control, it's like he's in charge and he's actually 'me' and I just take the back seat. He comes out sometimes and I say things I don't mean, or I snap at people when I don't mean to.
Recently it's like...i'm taking this 'back seat' and everythings a movie.
Here's my latest journal entry.. it explains other things a bit more;
I don't know what's wrong with me. This past week it's felt as though I'm not 'me'.
It's hard to explain, I keep phasing out, it's like i'm watching the world from an outsiders point of view. I can see myself and see everything that's going on, but i'm not actually there.
It's almost like a movie, and I have no control over what happens. I can see myself, sat at the computer, or watching television, socialising at college, but it's not ME. It makes me sound crazy but it just isn't me, it can't be if i'm watching things from afar can it?
How can I be in two places at once? It just doesn't make sense, how can I be watching myself, I don't know how, but I am? It seems to come and go, it doesn't last too long but it scares me so much. It just feels so real, I don't know what is real and what isn't sometimes. I don't understand it.
Everything looks as though it's changing, this movie is almost...distorted, like it's a 3D movie i'm watching at a strange jaunty angle. People I know look different, maybe I have something wrong with my eyes? Everything is blurry when it happens, I can't focus, it's like it's gone all foggy and I struggle to see what's happening. I try to concentrate but it doesn't work. Maybe I need glasses?
I just wish I had control over it, I don't understand what's happening.. It keeps happening and I just want it to stop.
What do you guys think? I don't know what's happening to me.. what's wrong with me?
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
We agree that is safer this way as well Sadie.
I'm sorry that Ayka scared Hiding and Sarah, she is just very sceptical and wary about the outside world - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.
We're thinking of you too Mara.
Angels21 teens, we can understand where you're coming from. The little's have to hide if anything "adult" is around, be it what the host is doing, what's on TV, what she's thinking of (I may have just exposed her ridiculously here but I don't think she should mind), so they can really relate.
We're okay Katie, how are you?
Jessy, no one here can say for definite what is happening to you as we're not professionals, but it does sound like a form of dissociation. We would suggest going to see a GP, where they can refer to you to a professional who's more adapted to these sorts of things. We wish you the best of luck should you decide to make an appointment.
I wasn't really looking for a diagnosis or anything of that nature, I just wondered if it was similar to things you experience. Looking for ways to deal with it etc.
Thanks for the reply though :)
no worries, skye. Ayka didn't really scare them.. its been lurking in the background of all our thoughts for a long time and well discussing it just made it more real i guess.
katie- umm im not sure what to tell you. it seems that trini struggles alot..poor kiddo. you know the saying " it always gets worse before it gets better"? well I believe if your T and ya'll have been working alot with Trini and her past trauma things that perhaps that is why it is causing you so much distress right now. Hang in there and just try your best to comfort Trini all you can until y'all get past this hard time. yeah.. what she said..lol
Jessy- I agree with kitkat. It does sound like some sort of dissociation. we've never had that specifically as you descibed it tho. Have you tried communicating with him? inside or in a journal? maybe ask him questions .. communication is a good first step we think.
Hidingme; I can talk to him sometimes, sometimes he is a seperate person and I can talk to him in my head, or even outloud.. When I was in hospital a few people commented when I replied out loud to him, they asked who I was speaking to.. awkward moment.
I'll ask my CPN about it on monday, I don't really know how to explain it to her but I'll try and figure it out. Thanks :)
I think he might be another part of me? I don't know.. it's like, he comes out through me? Someone may say something, or do something, which I don't have any problem with.
He will, and so I say what he wants me to, I'll snap at them or have a go..but it's not 'me'?
I don't mean it, it's what he's thinking. It's all a bit confusing and hard to explain.. he's just becoming more.. 'powerful' I suppose, more assertive and he's coming out more.
I need to try and control him but it's hard, and bloody scary because I don't know what's happening..
In a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace,
falling into empty space
With no-one there to catch you in their arms
Kahlia1981 & silentgirl are my RYL sisters Plumeria Sister
We are doing ok mainly, had an internal meeting yesterday about our eating and decided that we are only going to eat a set amount of food a day.
because there have been augments between certain teens and adults.
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