Life, please... no more

[mouse in darkness]

*Hugs you tight Kahlis*

Mmm me agree with crazykat. "nods empathetically{sorry if spelt wrong)*.

Hiya princess!

[Kahlia1981]

*hugs Kat back* - I hope something is done soon also Kat.

Well I found out today that the psychologist I was given was quite simply a ruse, and a waste of my time, provided by none other than the Director of the Institute of Mental Health Services.

I'd actually suspected as much, but I'll explain why:

I was suddenly informed, quite out of the blue, that I was being assigned a psychologist as a Case Manager/Psychologist at the time when the Director of the Institute of Mental Health Services would have become officially aware of my complaint, and the nature of my complaint, through the HQCC.

Prior to this I had not received any backing or treatment from the public system in relation to Case Management or Psychological help. Whilst I was glad at the time that I would finally receive said help, it soon became apparent that no treatment would be forthcoming from these sessions, and that, in light of today's events, say that it was an act perpetrated by the Director to make it appear that I was receiving adequate help.

At my meeting today with the psychologist I was informed of the decision made at the last meeting that I would receive "better treatment" from a private facilitator. It strikes me as unbelievably coincidental that this should occur so close to the HQCC deadline for closing submissions which was last Friday.

So, not only have they lied to me and wasted my time, but they have forced me to write to the HQCC to tell them that the Government is playing dirty, and also to prepare myself and my lawyers for either taking this to the State and/or Federal Ombudsman, and even the Courts if need be.

I will not lie down. I will not play dead. You f*ckers need to learn that you have done the wrong thing and that your patients will not take it any more.

[Kahlia1981]

*hugs MID* Sorry, missed your post. Think I was typing when you posted.

[mouse in darkness]

Second! I definatley agree. Mahahahaaaaa. I'd back you and your lawer any day!

[crazykat]

Keep fighting sweetheart, all the best. Thinking of you *hugs*

[Kahlia1981]

Thanks MID. *big hugs*

I tried to explain the situation to a private group that I'm part of and one lady, who I did have a lot of respect for, basically told me that the best approach would be to "shut up and take the help where I could find it". That would mean that I would basically receive no help whatsoever. After all, the in-patient unit has been actively trying to kill me, or at least have been given a nice example of malpractice and medical and criminal negligence. The help that I was offered was transferred to the "private sector" which means that I am unable to access it. So, that basically leaves me with two options:

1. I can have NO help
2. I can have NO help

You might think I have accidentally typed that twice, but I haven't. Those are exactly the two options that I have open to me. This chick on the private group was basically telling me that the best option would be to "put up and shut up" and live with absolutely no care.

That could be an awful lot of fun when the **** hits the fan, which we all know that it is going to.

Mind you, I have found an ally in an unexpected place, and from what that ally has said, there is at least one more ally that can be called on when this reaches the level of the Courts.

I received a call today from someone who might be able to help in the fight against the Health Department. We've set up a meeting date and I've got a lot of printing and data collation to do before that date, but hopefully it will be worth it. If not, they hopefully will be able to point us in the direction of someone who will be able to help and might also be able to steer us in the appropriate directions.

But you know what I want most from all of this? I want the patients here to be able to attend the hospital in a crisis and to know that the staff on the ward are NOT going to be actively attempting to kill them. That is all, seriously.

Until then, god help anyone who has to go in there . . .

[Kahlia1981]

*hugs Kat tightly* - I'm struggling right now, but I'm trying to keep fighting. I don't want to let them win. It means a lot to me that you have read and taken the time to respond. Thank you.

[crazykat]

*Hugs* I am around if I can ever help in anyway?

[mouse in darkness]

*Hugs* Kahlia.

I hope you can achieve your gaol. I really do.

[Kahlia1981]

*hugs Kat & Nicole/MID - don't know what you'd prefer to be called hun* Thanks to both of you.


So damn stressed. So unwell. Ready to just drop over the edge and do what I know will result in something ... that if I even mention it will be unwise, or result in a hospital trip.

I just want it all to be over. I can't take much more of this. I'm so sorry, I'm just such a failure . . .

[mouse in darkness]

No you are far from a failure. *Hugs*. Hang in their. You can call me what ever tickles your fancy at the time. Of course it rules out obsenities (LOL). Please take care of yourself.

[crazykat]

*Hugs* Please talk to someone if you feel you are unable to stay safe. Hold on there hun. I am here if you need to talk or anything

[Kahlia1981]

Thanks Nicole, thanks Kat. *big hugs* to both of you.

I really wish that this nightmare was over. But I know there's still a long way to go. I read, I listen and the big problem is that I remember . . .

I can't take much more, but having said that, I can't give in either. To give in means that they will have won. I can't let them win. If they win, then they will have killed not only me, but they will have killed so many other people in vain. There has already been so much blood spilled on the ground by them. I want to stop it. I want it all to stop. I want people to be able to go into the hospital and not have to worry about whether they will live to come out of there again.

At the very least I will get my files locked before I leave this town. I will rarely mention this town after leaving it. The atrocities committed here will be released in a VERY public forum to allow as many reporters access to it as possible.

They must be stopped.

How much more blood can they allow to be spilt before this all ends?

[Kahlia1981]

Got so much work to do before Monday!
Got someone coming around who might be able to help me make this work.
Started already.
A whole lot of printing to do.
And then more computer work to give them a better chance of understanding.


*****
It's a good thing I don't have a car right now ...
I'd just get in it and start driving south and I don't know where I'd end up or what condition I'd be in when I got there ...
And I don't even know that I care

[mouse in darkness]

Well *hugs*. Honey I am 100% positive that you will succeed. And That is not in refferal to the car. I know how determined you can be and how stubborn you are so use that to your advantage, that is how I am still getting by these days. Personal experiance.

I know that you will make mince meat of them.I also know that you can do this in all mannerisms. I do hope the assistance you will recieve from this mystery person will aid you in your efforts.

[Kahlia1981]

Thanks Nicole. *big hugs* I know you have a lot going on in your own world, and it means a lot to me that you are able to take some time out to drop me some words of encouragement.

I'm becoming so tired of this fight. My parents are completely over it. They've decided that it isn't even worth thinking about. I tried to tell them what has been happening and they insinuated that it must be my fault. They wouldn't stand up for me if the way was clear, so why would they stand up for me when the way is as convoluted as it is? Why should I even think I would have them to rely on. After all they have my brother and sister to think of. A brother who has separated from his wife with whom he has two children aged 8 and 4. Who has a steady job as an ICU nurse, or a nurse of some description, who is living in the Granny-Flat on their property. Who has a car worth approximately $60,000, but who "can't" afford his own place. And my sister who is married with a 4 year old daughter. Both she and her husband work for Queensland Rail in various capacities. They have two cars and are looking at selling their house in order to build a new, but smaller house. Both of them rate much higher in my parents priorities than me, who cannot afford the simple health care which would improve my quality of life.

I don't begrudge my parents their choice here either by the way. They are free to choose, and I accept their choice. I just feel .... I don't know ... like maybe they could just show me some encouragement maybe? Like tell me that treatment that is fair and appropriate to the illness that I actually have is something that I should be able to have access to instead of basically telling me to "put up or shut up"?

I think that if you are offered care that is dangerous to the point of criminally or medically negligent, the perpetrator(s) should be brought to justice. Or, at the very least, it should be ensured that this never happens again. People should not just stick their heads in the sand if you know what I mean.

I've seen so many people in the psych ward with serious physical illnesses going untreated for such long periods that the illnesses became incredibly dangerous. Pneumonia becoming so severe that it required multiple blood transfusions, for example. How can nurses "miss" obvious signs of a body gone into shock after an overdose? The simple answer? They can't, and they don't. They just ignore it.

The system is sick. And it wants to kill us all. The louder we complain, the more it wants to destroy us. It must be stopped.

[mouse in darkness]

Agree. Don't know what to say to offer support but I whole heartedly agree.

*hugs*

[crazykat]

Sorry to hear that you are not getting your parents support on this, that must be hard.Keep fighting for what you believe, what the system is doing is not right. It takes a strong person to stand up for what is right, so I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself. Here if you ever need to talk/vent

[Kahlia1981]

The "Death Anniversary" for my Heidi is only a week and a half away now and I was sent this lovely poem to help me to deal with my grief.

HEAVEN'S DOGGY-DOOR

My best friend closed his eyes last night,
As his head was in my hand.
The Doctors said he was in pain,
And it was hard for him to stand.
The thoughts that scurried through my head,
As I cradled him in my arms.
Were of his younger, puppy years,
And OH...his many charms.
Today, there was no gentle nudge
With an intense "I love you gaze",
Only a heart thats filled with tears
Remembering our joy filled days.
But an Angel just appeared to me,
And he said, "You should cry no more,
GOD also loves our canine friends,
HE's installed a 'doggy-door"!
- Jan Cooper '95


I'm really missing my baby girl right now. It would be really nice to have her little face looking up at me intelligently, pretending that she knew what I was talking about. To have her putting her head on my knee or falling asleep on my lap. To be able to run my fingers through her fur and just feeling how soft her fur was. Even just to remember the time when she had fallen asleep on my bed in the middle of a pile of stuffed animals, and we took a picture and nine out of ten people couldn't pick her out from the stuffed animals. *sigh*

I know I did the right thing with putting her down, but it still hurts.

[Kahlia1981]

Stressed by current financial situation. The friend whose daughter smashed my computer monitor four weeks ago STILL hasn't offered any payment - even though she said at the time that she would. She also hasn't offered any payment, or talk of payment from the meal from our Cairns trip on the same circumstances. My housemate and I have been talking and are even considering the Small Claims issue through the courts. The total cost is equal to about the same amount I get per fortnight on my Disability Pension.

I don't even know whether I can cope with having her as a friend any more. I told my Nanna about the situation in an email and she actually question whether this person WAS a friend. She straight out called her a leech. She told me that my friend was fleecing me, and I should dump her and look for friends elsewhere. I'm starting to feel the same way.

I find it hard to know what to do. I've known her now for 25 years and though we've had our disagreements and "separations" we've been able to pick up our friendship after years of not speaking with no troubles at all. But I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to think. I know that she is on a Parenting Payment and is only getting a few shifts at work, but I also know that she has a four-figure bank balance, and I know that because she has told us so on numerous occasions. I am on a Disability Pension and currently unable to work so really am no better off. And seriously all it would take is for her to say that she wants to come to some sort of arrangement in regards to the payment, no matter what that was. Just some sort of statement of intent. Is that too much to ask for?