I love you
I really do
And I'm scared
Scared you'll keep hurting yourself and I won't be able to help you
Scared you'll realise what a disgusting piece of filth I really am and just fuck off like everybody else
Scared you're just settling with me
Scared the voices are really telling the truth and that I'm not just being paranoid
Scared you'll see that I'm just not who you think I am. I'm dull, boring, lifeless, completely unable to hold any kind of a conversation.
Scared you'll find somebody else and realise you deserve so much better than me
Scared that this is all really a dream and one day I'll wake up and realise I was just...dreaming
Scared that I can't hide those teeny tiny factors from you and you'll be completely disgusted by me
Scared that, once again, I'm just really not enough
I worry about the randomest of things
I get jealous over the tiniest little thing
I get so ridiculously paranoid
It's too hard for me to accept what you say when I'm battling with myself
I know I'm useless
I'm never allowed to forget that
I want to be more than what I am
I want to be somebody you can truly be proud of being with
I want to help you the way you've helped me
I...
I'm scared of falling 'cause I know I'll fall harder than ever before
I hate what you're doing to yourself but I can't find the words to say anything
I don't want you to feel as though you need to cut or you need to restrict or...anything
I want to kick those doctors several hundred times up the arse 'til they give you something to help
I don't want you to hurt yourself
I don't...
This is probably the hardest bit...
I don't want you to get any thinner...I love you as you are
I LOVE YOU
And I know all too well that it can be out of your control andit's just so...*sigh*
I just want you as you are, no restricting, no need to be any thinner than you already are
If you get any thinner you'll just be skin and bone and that's nof fun... =)
Sorry whatever...*shushes*
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
I'm going to take a few possibly invited steps back.
Plane trip myself out the country and more importantly offline for 11 days.
Because no matter how unintense I aim to be I never quite achieve it.
Si e' nara.
im worried about this weekend.
in the morning im going to wake up and you will be gone until sunday.
god knowswhat im gonig to do and how im going to cope.
i dont think i will make it.
i love you mum.
xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
You made your point, asked the questions, promised to leave me alone, but you lied.
You fucking lied to me.
This is the last time.
I can't take it anymore.
The memories of you plague my thoughts.
I think your trapped there.
I think you remember me. But I hope it's not in vain.
I have your address and number but I'll not use either. How longs it gonna take?Till I leave you in my mind too.
Mike sent me yet another email full of photographs. Of that night before we went out on your 17th. To a fetish club if I remember correctly! As much as I hate pictures of myself I've kept them, because it reminds me of just how happy we were. How I felt alive, happy when I was with you. Or content knowing that even if I wasn't with you it wouldn't be long until you at least text me. Usually something cheeky. I still have that sim card, along with all the messages.
There's 26 pictures in all. Did you really need that many? You saw me every bloody day! I guess you liked that look on me huh? You always were a pervert. And i always welcomed it, because you were the other half of me. Half way through, I just stopped posing because frankly you were taking the piss! But apparently you kept snapping anyway, several shots of me talking, pissing myself laughing etc. And one mock 'I'm so pissed at you right now' look. I like them, because it makes me remember just how happy we were. We both had our problems, but we dealt with them together, cheered each other up. "cheer up emo kid", that still makes me laugh to this day. I'm happy remembering that, how you'd come bounding over, sit on the bed, lift my chin, squeeze my sodding cheek and in the most patronising voice I've ever heard say that to me and give your cheekiest grin ever.
I've been thinking of you alot recently. I guess what I really want to say to you is Thank You. Thank You for making me so happy. And for leaving me with so many amazing memories. And for taking pictures every two seconds! I honestly think that without them I'd be lost, they let me feel close to you again. And as much as I miss you, I'm glad you're finally at peace. I love you baby, always. Forever yours, Tally xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
♪♫ I'm Learning To Be Brave In My Beautiful Mistakes ♫♪
but by the time I have finished you won't care about me to notice me just slip away
you hate me a little bit already don't you? well this is just the beginning...I will do anything and everything to make you hate me so...so it doesn't hurt as much when I'm gone
I'm sorry, so so so so so so so so so so sorry!
I'm not text book smart but I'm street smart....well sesame street smart anyway :p
I <3 you Lozza- my beautiful twin and care bear! Keep holding on. 'Whorejay'- u are my gorgeous partner in crime, who I will never give up. They can't seperate us! loooove you. I <3 Frizzly forever!!! ur my nite light R.I.P my beautiful angel Kat, you will always be in my heart. 27/03/91-31/08/09 xxx Sweetdreams baby girl xxx
R.I.P my beautiful angel Kat, you will always be in my heart. 27/03/91-31/08/09 xxx Sweetdreams baby girl xxx
