Triggering (Abuse) - dissociative distress thread - Page 269

Kitkat :) · 23-01-2011, 01:00 PM

Had a reaaaaally stressful weekend which caused A LOT of switching to go on... I've barely felt "here" at all. The stress showed physically as well as I had 3 nosebleeds in the space yesterday, which is a record for me as I haven't had them in a while.

Feeling a lot better and more together now.

Hope everyone's good today.

hidingme · 23-01-2011, 04:21 PM

sorry for the color we just woke up and not sure who is where yet and who is awake or asleep still. ugh hate mornings..lol

we are doin ok i guess hiding is still stayin inside most of the time.. and when she is out she is always with karma or serenity.

services for papa will try to be next saturday..=/
but hopefully then hiding will be out more again by herself.. cant believe its been a mth since papa passed..
crap just looked at date ..today woulda been papa's 88 bday.. =/

happy birthday papa.. miss your smart ass comments you old fart..
sadie & rest

ghosts in the machine · 23-01-2011, 04:28 PM

fail.

Kitkat :) · 23-01-2011, 06:04 PM

I'm really sorry to hear about that ): they sound like such assh*les and the type of people that used to bully me. Hope you're okay and that they didn't do any serious injury.

ghosts in the machine · 24-01-2011, 09:37 AM

I'm ok, just a bit sore and have a bruised eye. I just hate how no one cared enough to do anything, say anything.

Kitkat :) · 25-01-2011, 11:22 AM

I know how it feels, I hope you're okay though.

What do you do when an alter does/says something that protects you but hurts your friend in the process? I don't blame Crystal for doing what she did, in fact I'm proud of her because I never would've had the guts to do what she did but now my friend hates me... I don't really care but she (my friend) said I should feel guilty for what happened - but I don't. I'm proud that someone had the courage to protect me because God knows I always take the fall for my friends - maybe she's pissed because she thought I'd take the fall for her, like I always do, I never look after myself, but Crystal did, she looked after me, she protected me. I don't feel guilty, we did what we could to save ourselves at that moment in time, and that's what life is - protecting yourself before you try and protect others. Sorry I'm rambling a bit here and this may not make sense.

whirlpools · 26-01-2011, 10:45 PM

I think I've been dissociating. A lot. A lot more than I realised. And I didn't know... and it's actually really scary.
It's not really bad dissociation... I don't wake up places and not know how I got there... or waking up having self harmed... but I have been experiencing some weird and terrifying things.
I need to tell my psychologist, because I think I've mistakenly given her the impression that it's psychosis (when I'm very unwell I do slip into psychosis, but I don't think that's what's going on now) and I'm not sure how to do it.

Kitkat :) · 27-01-2011, 01:16 PM

Was in the lesson just now and my teacher started banging on about how early childhood traumas and abuse can lead the person to develop problems like eating disorders and drug addictions - I felt like I could die, she was just telling me my life story and she didn't even realise.

Blue started crying and doodled suns all over my work (in the margin).

Horizon · 27-01-2011, 01:18 PM

I really hate when that happens, I totally sympathize.
I have teachers that bring that stuff up in classes where it really shouldn't come up.
Hope you're feeling okay, I know how unsettling that can feel.

Kitkat :) · 27-01-2011, 04:33 PM

Thanks (:

She doesn't know, and I'm not going to tell her, I am doing Health and Social Care after all so I do expect it - just not in a Complementary Therapies class.

I'm okay now, still a little bit shaken but okay thanks (:

How are you?

Horizon · 27-01-2011, 04:36 PM

Feel hazy. Stuck in the house because of last night's snowstorm. Other than that I'm okay.

Kitkat :) · 27-01-2011, 04:43 PM

I hate it when it snows. Apparently it's supposed to snow here soon - though I'm really hoping it doesn't. Do you know why you're feeling hazy?

Horizon · 27-01-2011, 05:30 PM

No, it comes and goes. Don't know why. Tried to do some journaling. Feel Jade behind my face though.

hidingme · 28-01-2011, 12:45 AM

sorry we havent been here in a while..

cant go to papa.s services casue we couldnt get tax refund back fast enough to make the trip.. which means dad has to go bury his father on his own..
we are having alot of conflicting emotions..
i am sad and quite depressed.
sadie is pissed off at the government and Obama for changing H&R block's rules theyve had that give the options to get faster returns(w/ a higher fee)
sadie is also pissed at mom for not going with dad.. and she pretty bluntly let her know that last night.
sarah just wants to sleep which i suposse is a good idea cause we are completely out of cigarettes.

karma and serenity are trying to keep sadie and me calm but telling us that everything happens for a reason and papas and dad know we tried our hardest to be able to go.

-- it doesnt help though--

nothing ever goes right anymore.. what is the point of having hopes and goals for anything if they never happen?

Kitkat :) · 28-01-2011, 10:05 AM

Don't worry about it Hiding (: I'm sorry to hear you can't make it to the funeral. We also like to hold on to the opinion that everything happens for a reason - but sadly we're losing out grip on it, doesn't seem really fair :/ and I'm tired of trying to rationalise everything. Hope you're okay though.

Facet - Hope the journalling, however little, helped (:

hidingme · 29-01-2011, 12:32 AM

yeah karma is echoing nonstop about everything happens for a reason.
I know she is right.. i mean maybe we woulda got in a wreck on the way there or something and that is why life just decided we shouldnt go.. idk.. its not really comforting tho but karma wont stop telling us (mainly me) that.
more than anything i needed one last goodbye. and i wanted more than anything for my dad not to have make this trip to bury his father on his own even tho is constantly said it is ok and he is fine.. i wouldnt ever want to do it alone and dont think he or anyone else should have to either.. and that is what hurts the most i think.

was hoping to be able to curl up and hide and sleep all weekend but thanks to my boss i cant...he decided since we arent going to the services that he needs me to work tomorrow for a few hrs at night.
sadie is definatly NOt happy about it..
just alot of chaos right now inside.

Kitkat :) · 29-01-2011, 12:42 AM

I know how you feel, my Grandad's being treated for skin cancer, amongst other things including a lump on his lung and I'm really not coping, I've got loads of coursework and I feel like utter sh*t tonight. There's only one thing I can think of doing, I don't wanna do it but... It just seems like the only option... Argh I hate me.

Sorry to moan ):

hidingme · 29-01-2011, 06:57 PM

hey kit kat-
no worries its cool we understand. its taken alot from theothers to keep me from cutting this week but think im over the urge..maybe..

idk..
the other like to hope the world and life has more sunshine, happiness and rainbows than storms and clouds but it just is never that way ..

something is always going wrong.. it sucks ass.
hope yall are ok.
SADIE

Kitkat :) · 30-01-2011, 12:03 PM

Someone's been about but it's not someone I know... Either way they haven't prevented me from cutting and it's all I can think about.

I know how you feel, it always feels like there's something hanging over my head.

Hope you're okay (:
Hope everyone's well today.

Horizon · 31-01-2011, 03:39 AM

She finally realized that last year when our therapist asked me if my trauma history was different than hers and I declined comment, that it was because I was hiding the piece about the video recorder from her.
At the time, it was best for the system. Especially seeing how she's handling it now. I know I made the right decision, but she resents me for it.
I hope you all are well.
-Jade