I feel a lot less intimidated by this psych ward than a real world one. Speaking of which, I ran into my nurse from the hospital and he said I seemed to be doing better. I am, but I'm still not doing great.
i'd only come here seeking peace i'd only come here seeking me it seems i came to leave
Not doing so well right at the moment.... So stressed, depressed and suicidal that I'm flipping between crying my eyes out and working out suicide plans. I did not need this last week or two - let alone the added problems of shoulder surgery and it being six months since my last ECT treatment. Hoping that I can make it through until I start ECT here next Wednesday, and also hoping that I can cope with the stress that causes before I reach breaking point and can no longer cope at all....
*hugs those in the ward who want to be hugged or need to know someone cares and disappears into a corner with my pillow and bear*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
problem with doctors 101: if youre on drugs(meds) you are never fresh. and to be ascertained healthy/fresh you need to have specialist therapy sessions to see how well you can manage 24/7 of daily life full of people and bunnies and cars and more bunnies and busses. and less of feeling deprived which is what the meds are doing. if you can get over the pills or meds or tranqs youre on while talking to this specialist and he declares you finally wealthy/fresh, you can then ask him/her to give recommendation to your local doctor about clearing your repositories off the list. life is an everlasting struggle but for aslong as your not drooling into a wall you should be fine. :D im practically giving out sticks here. (psychiatrist joke)
dont obsess over the pills/meds, let them do what they do. and every day you should slowly see that the spiral thing you've been thinking about for the last 6 months are only a empty dream making your shoulders weigh lighter against the world making you better each day.
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Sorry you are frustrated and unhappy Matt! *offers a safe hug*
I feel like running away and never looking back. Taking the hubby and kids and dog with me to some remote place and just living. We aren't living right now. We're just repeating each day over, and aging in the process.
Sometimes when I say "I'm okay," I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say "I know you're not."
so the psychiatrist went good, he said 1 of the meds make me sick and the other i needed to cut down on and the one thats making me sick im gonna quit after a month. first i had a chat with my doctor in a session long ago - he said your meds look fine (i felt like i was gonna puke on him and the floor) then i sat down with the psychiatrist on monday this week and talked a good hour about what i thought should be done since im feeling this and that. so after a while he looked in the book for 10 seconds and said "aha so thats the medicine youve been feeling sick by" and i was like yes, really? so he gave his opinion since he was the first one i talked to there when i got comitted and he was the only one that could reorganize my meds. it ended in reduction of 5 mg zyprexa and in a month i would quit the akineton. all in all i just said that i wanted my concentration back so i could study better for my drivers licence - currently at the theory with the MOT-. and i cant remember most of my days since its such a high dosage, on the peak i had 30mg without any visible or non visible side effects from beeing sick at all. hope the ward is doing best for all of you. *makes snow fort* *makes free snowballs* *makes snow castle* looking forward to winter again, the air is so fresh then :)
I am going to sit in the corner and try not to cry
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Tonight is a bad night... really struggling right now...
*sits in the corner with a blanket*
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Need a safe place to curl up with my bear and cry. Just going to disappear into my blanket fort until the world changes or stops.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
need somewhere to feel safe... tried going on chat which seemed to make it worse! struggling lots at the moment and feeling very lost and alone, hope I am more welcome here? :(
Just_Different < because that's what I am
Anyone feel free to PM me ill always try to reply =]
I'll join the hiding people. Is chat really that bad? I'll give you a virtual hug if you want Just_different.
It's been so long since I've visited, but I'll try and make you feel welcome. I'm anna
...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull
No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer
Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~
Very unsafe and suicidal right now... so I am going to hide in here till things get better.... hopefully that is very soon
*puts some snacks/goodies on the table*
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Not doing so great rright now. Been about 3-4 yrs or so since I was last on here...really not feeling like I can do this anymore.
MY RYL FAMILY: Blondiebear is my sister; nuttergirl is my little sister; makeachoice is my niece; prs100 is my niece; rachel487 is my sister;emovampryss is my wiccan sister; phroggie is my wiccan sister;crazychaoticmess and salutaredelamare are my angels. they always help to save me from myself.
I need a safe place right now. So dangerous and can't talk to anyone IRL. Have to keep things from everyone so that the people trying to kill and control me don't find out. She says the meds are poisoned, that the people and government are using them to control me. Need safe place to hide so cannot be found
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
