“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Whispering siren I have been in wards but nothin more than a few hours until someone would come a sign me out (often this has been after having a really tough concilling session where iv not been considered safe to be left on my own) I would not have the money nor would anyone in the family to go to private facilities so its been NHS for me all the say which is someway has been a blessing, the. Ouncillor I have is great and I see him every week to 3 weeks depending how hard a time I'm having I have been seeming him for 18 months and I daren't think what I would have done without him.
I can totally sympathise with your struggles at night I often scream out, shout, cry and kick when having nightmares and even once I wake it's hard to calm down. The problem is with something like PTSD is the nights are often your enemy (or they are mine) I cope by being busy and trying to distract my mind but at night when the darkness closes in and your so tired but your body won't turn off so you can sleep it feels like I will never break the cycle. Your not a jerk for waking people ultimately if you are going to be safer with them awake and there with you they would rather that than you have a destructive night. Try audio books, it sounds daft but I find them comforting especially when having nightmares as its a constant thing going on in the background which you can try to focus on when having a nightmare or flashback to help 'pull you back'.
Oh I only meant who was on this thread, in the virtual "ward". I have never been in one, myself, thankfully >.>
I'm not unsafe, even at night. I just feel utterly terrible. That's mainly why I would not want to wake anybody up... it would just end up making me feel guilty and generally worse off to know I made somebody's next day so terrible from lack of sleep, when I wasn't even going to do anything to myself. I just end up not being able to sleep myself for forever, go to darker places, occasionally have a panic attack, the kind of cries that make you hurt because you don't quite breathe enough... but... I've long since known I wasn't capable of hurting myself. There's an odd thankful depression about that, if that even makes sense.... but yeah I don't really want to get too far into that one. But yes, nighttime is when it sucks, for about the same reason as for you- your mind is allowed to wander in the quiet and dark before sleep, and as it wanders it gathers speed, until you are quite incapable of sleep.
I use pandora as a radio station... unfortunately, because of my connection with both reading and music, audio books and music stations don't really kick me out of moods that often. Any other methods? I've noticed that surprise and the song "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" from Life of Brian by Monty Python works rather well, I've also found my cat work occasionally, although when he gets in the mood to run away and ignore me he can make me worse instead. Any suggestions for getting out of ruts?
Whispering siren - I can totally see where your coming from aout waking people up, I always feel so guilty and comments which are ment to reassure like 'it's all ok' is like lighting the blue touch paper with me and I end up taking my frustrations out on whoever the pool soul is. Funny question but have you ever injured someone when youv lashed out so far I have nearly broken my fiancées nose while in a nightmare and he was trying to reassure and wake me up and put my feet through plasterboard of a wall (nightmare where I was trapped in car and had to kick out windscreen) I know it seems a wired question but I'm curious if it's just me that seems to get so physically trapped in these nightmares :s
I have to admit I don't find the audio books stop the nightmares or pull them out but what I have found them good for is to give me something to focus on when my mind is determined to take me to the darkest place it can find. I find music hard for me it often makes me worse admittedly but it's good that you have found sometime like that which helps. I always try to keep stuff like that on my iPod so if I am out and struggling during the day I have those sort of tools right at hand to help things maybe getting the worst of me. That said music is the best for me to keep me distracted when traveling to help with things like PTSD flashbacks and the likes.
I have to admit I am desperate for a dog or guinea pigs or something for a number of reasons however primarily it's company at nighttime something that loves you without questions and you can cuddle and pay attention to and talk to without the fear of being judged. So I can't definitely see where your coming from with the cat and especially if he is not in the mood for cuddles its almost like a rejection and I can see how hard that could be.
I find my best thing is to try and keep my mind busy but unlike most people the whole relax bedtime routine is the worst thing for me as its too much time to dwell and think. As a result I have a list of activities which I turn to to try and keep my mind entertained. So examples are: drawing or scraper foil art stuff, baking or cooking (yes I have been known to make a chicken casserole or pasta bake at 2 in the morning) playing piano (I have an electric one so I can put headphones in to not wake anyone), coming on here and speaking/responding to people I also try to keep up to date for my job (I work in digital marketing so there is new stuff to learn every week which is lucky for me so there is always stuff to read up on) I also then use this time to write blog posts for my work blog with topics including everything from what I have read to my opinion of a brands latest tv advert. I know this all sounds really silly but for me it's all about keeping my mind busy. I used to get up and exercise but I found this made things worse as not only did it wake me up more it made me worse because it highlighted the physical changes which I have faced since my accident and still resent and therefore struggling to adapt to. I hope some of them might be of use to you. What do you mean by a rut? A rut in not sleeping at night, struggling with specific issues such as travelling in a certain vehicle or situation etc and previous coping mechanisms not working?
Madwife, *come over and sits down next to you* I don't blame you sometimes I feel that I would be safer there, I got a bad virus a few weeks ago and was put in a infectious disease unit so was locked in a room by myself and although mentally things were very hard because I had no distractions the thought of leaving and having to deal with the world again was just not worth thinking about. I think for me I just want to be in my 'box' hide from everything but what I try to remind myself is that this will only work for the length of time I'm there and once I get out its all going to come right back. *hugs*
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
*curls up in ward sobbing* someone please make everything disappear
Beauty: RIP 3rd November 2008
Dylan left us 23rd March 2012
PM me any time you need to talk and I'll answer as soon as I can.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" LOTR
Oh god today I got the letter telling me the psychiatrist wants to see me - I'm scared *hides*
Beauty: RIP 3rd November 2008
Dylan left us 23rd March 2012
PM me any time you need to talk and I'll answer as soon as I can.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" LOTR
