I would like to give up, but I can't. This really sucks right now...
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
* Leaves Hugs And Flowers And Bears For those that need them*
I Feel Like Crap yep yep oh well forget it i will live
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“She smiles with all that she has left,
tears left undried.
And though she has so much to say,
she’ll bottle it all up inside.”
- Unknown
The day goes okay. Just being, um, for lack of better word, ravaged? I hate feeling this way, but I guess it comes with the territory
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
I was starting to feel better yesterday. I really thought I could make it without hospital. Then my dad called and mom told me that the horse is sold and they already moved it (mom was on the phone). I didn't even get to say goodbye. Dad promised that he would let me know before they move the horse so I could say goodbye but he didn't.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
I know I've been MIA for a while and prolly will be for a bit longer... the brakes are going out on my van ... AGAIN! :( and I took a fall last Thursday and screwed up my ankle and my knee... getting that checked out now to make sure I didn't break anything. I thought it was just a sprain, but it's been 6 days now and it's still swollen and painful so I'm really not sure anymore.
I haven't gotten a chance to read most of the posts, but I have read a few and Laura, that really sucks about not getting to say good bye. *hugs* I wish I knew how to make you feel better.
I hope everyone else is doing okay. I hope to catch up again as soon as I can...
~Kelly~
the hardest battle you are ever going to fight is the battle against yourself
I can't talk about certain things because I feel that if I tell someone about certain things that things become real. Like... if I don't tell anyone it never happened. Can anyone relate to this?
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
There is this huge part of me that really wants to tell my therapist all the things that happened. But then there is this other huge part that is stealing the words and I can't say things.
Both have the same goal: they want me to get better
But they want it in different ways: one part wants me to talk about things and do therapy and all, the other part wants me to forget things and move on with life.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
therapist said that I have to make a compromise. Cause the 'not talking' part wants to protect me and the other part just wants to talk about everything at once. I guess I'll have to experiment to find a way where I can talk about one thing at a time.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Gah, please someone just hold my hand for today so I don't do anything silly. I am tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed trying to take care of everyone.
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
