A vicar keeps cockerals in his yard, and one Sunday morning he goes out to feed them and realises one is missing.
He decides to ask his congregation that morning about it.
First he asks: "Has anyone got a c**k?" And all the men stand up.
"No, I mean has anyone seen a c**k?" And all the women stand up.
"No, no, no, I mean has anyone seen my c**k?" And all the choirboys stand up.
I went to see Chubby Brown last week. He said some really outrageous things, so I started heckling and shouting abuse. Then I was told by security that sort of behaviour wasn't tolerated at Prime Ministers Questions...
A man says to his new girlfriend: "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly." "Well," she replies, "You succeeded."
A mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
"We don't serve your kind here."
The mushroom replies,
"Come one, I'm a fun guy!" (say it out loud!)
A chocolate story.....I found it funny thorugh the use of pun as humour, but it really is rather adult in nature!!!
The following content has been hidden - Reason : adult content
Mr Cadbury met Mrs Nestle in a room on Quality St. It was After 8. He noticed her Double Deckers and opened her Chocolate Buttons and squeezed her Easter Eggs the gave her a bit of Black Magic!! He slipped his Chocolate Fingers into her Snickers and toughed her Fudge and showed her his CUrly Wurly and Whole Nuts. Not keen to have Jelly Babies she let him have her up Bournville Boulevard. She screamed with Turkish Delight as he took out his MArs bar. She wrapped her lips around his Toblerone. It felt a bit Crunchie and she wanted some Time Out and needed a bit of Aero but he did a Twirl and came in a very MilkyWay!!!
"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died
A very inebriated man walks into a nightclub and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walks over to her, places his hand up her skirt and begins fondling her. Instantly, she jumps up and slaps him silly. "I'm sorry," the drunk stammers. "I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole," screams the woman. "That's funny," he slurs. "You sound like her, too."
Three dogs - a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a bulldog - are all sitting in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female collie strolls in. She trots up and says: "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me." Instantly the Doberman retorts: "I love liver and cheese." The collie replies: "That's pretty unoriginal, honey. Can either of you do better?" "If you come back to my place, I'll show you what you can do with liver and cheese...?" offers the bulldog hopefully. "That's terrible," snaps the collie. But just as the Doberman and bulldog are about to round on her, the Chihuahua cuts in: "Liver alone," he says, "cheese with me."
