Not knowing

[tamobhuuta]

Before ward rounds I told a nurse about my reaction to the idea of being able to go to the shops. She told the psych who was very dismissive in the meeting, saying i always do this when they try to move forwards. However today she has said I can't have any leave, even with family, before discharge, and the nurse thinks this is why. I wish she would make up her mind about whether she trusts me.

[tamobhuuta]

Quote:

Originally Posted by one_step_closer

That's a lot of good things. Can you feel how good they are?

Sometimes. Sometimes I feel a bit numb?

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry the psych reacted that way to your honesty. Is discharge still going ahead? I understand the numb feeling, it's good that you managed to list things though. Recognising positive things is a helpful step.

[tamobhuuta]

Discharge is still going ahead, which is good - 12pm on Monday. For some reason I've got ward rounds at 10.30am, I guess just to confirm what care there is going forward.

[one_step_closer]

Do you know anything about what is going to be put in place yet? I hope you get the support you need to do well at home.

[tamobhuuta]

Just seeing my CPN as normal, hopefully the support worker too, she was nice.

I've asked a member of staff if they can metal detect my neck, she said she will ask the nurses. I think it won't go off but I could do with the proof.

Edit: the nurses said they will do it when they get a minute

[tamobhuuta]

I asked a nurse and she hadn't heard about screening my neck. She said she would ask the other nurses. She didn't sound very keen. I'm going to harass them.

Edit
She spoke to the nurse who oked it and is now ok with it. She says we can do it when she has finished meds, hopefully that will be before L arrives.

[one_step_closer]

What do you want this to do for you? I don't understand what the nurses think it will achieve either.

[tamobhuuta]

Proper concrete evidence that there is no implant. In the past I would have doubted it as being valid, that it was falsified in some way. This is a positive thing!

[tamobhuuta]

We scanned my neck, it didn't detect anything. It didn't detect my earrings either, it only detects iron. I'm telling myself again and again, there is no implant, there is no implant. I've come so far recently.

[tamobhuuta]

I feel better, that there is no implant, this morning.

[one_step_closer]

I hope you can allow this to settle you. You seem to look for proof in different ways quite a lot of the time despite what 'proof' has been given to you before.

[tamobhuuta]

What do you mean?

[one_step_closer]

I mean that no matter what happens or how much you try to believe there is no implant you don't seem to be able to hold on to that belief.

[tamobhuuta]

It's a few years since I suffered these beliefs. That's the problem with schizophrenia, a significant number of people have relapses. Hopefully these med changes will continue to help, stop these beliefs and different ones
. This evening I will spend some time writing up the evidence against the implant, hopefully it will carry more weight than the last time I tried.

[one_step_closer]

Keep trying. Maybe also trying to recognise what you have just said about having relapses would be helpful also.

[tamobhuuta]

I wrote down all the evidence and it was helpful. The evidence pro implant etc isn't really evidence at all.

[one_step_closer]

It's good that you can see that now. How does it all make you feel?

[tamobhuuta]

Amazed!

[one_step_closer]

Is that positive for you?