support for katie - when.will.it.end - Page 25

Patent Pending · 05-04-2014, 02:45 PM

Hey Katie,

It's good you have your laptop, I hope it helps as a distraction. I hope things with your friend goes well too :)

x x x

when.will.it.end · 05-04-2014, 08:40 PM

was great to see friend. Overall I've done much better today. I haven't ran off/been convinced it's 2007 or self harmed. I'm triggered now though. Had a 1:1 with a guy who told me my problems with self harm are nothing compared with those on medium secure units and that people in Ghana have nothing. Which made me feel just terrific. I must be an ungrateful cow. I also read my notes which was probably a stupid idea. There's a lot in that that I don't remember.

Wonderland. · 06-04-2014, 03:00 PM

I'm glad to hear that you had a nice visit with your friend.

Sorry to hear that that guy was so unhelpful.

How are you feeling today? I hope you managed to get through your urges safely.

when.will.it.end · 06-04-2014, 04:08 PM

Thanks. Managed to keep it together enough last night to be allowed out with my mum today. We're packing up all my stuff. It's stressful emotionally and physcially. sad to be leaving my flat and I have so much crap! Exhausted now.

Wonderland. · 06-04-2014, 04:13 PM

Thats really positive to hear. Well done for staying safe :)

Packing up stuff and moving is always quite emotional and stressful. But that is something you can work through in time. Just think this is a fresh start in your life and things can change for the better.

when.will.it.end · 06-04-2014, 06:28 PM

Yes!! Thank you! I had a large glass of wine with dinner and a lorazepam when I got back wooofuckinghoo life is good! Packing and moving and hospitals and self harm might be a nightmare but at least I have substances!

when.will.it.end · 06-04-2014, 09:53 PM

Sorry ignore that ^ I'm sober now. Struggling with flashbacks and worried about review tomorrow, there's going to be a lot of people there and decisions made. I have to remain conscious and together. Challenging. Gona have some meds and try and sleep.

Fran86 · 06-04-2014, 11:34 PM

Good luck with your review tomorrow, Katie. I hope that it goes ok xx

crazykat · 06-04-2014, 11:35 PM

I hope the review goes okay, thinking of you

Fire Fly · 06-04-2014, 11:38 PM

Good luck tomorrow.

when.will.it.end · 07-04-2014, 11:45 AM

Thanks all. Had review and they wanted to discharge me today which freaked me out massively so I asked to be discharged Wednesday instead. Cpn is helping move my stuff today. Scared shitless. Been taken off section and have unescorted leave which means I'm free to go to London. But I won't. I won't.

Wonderland. · 07-04-2014, 11:50 AM

It's really positive to hear that you are being discharged on Wednesday.

Can you try and keep yourself occupied today, so that you aren't tempted to go to London?

when.will.it.end · 07-04-2014, 12:45 PM

I'm packing up all my stuff and moving! So that'll keep my occupied.

Wonderland. · 07-04-2014, 05:29 PM

Glad to hear you are going to keep yourself occupied.

when.will.it.end · 07-04-2014, 05:32 PM

Moved most of my stuff. Was very overwhelming and exhausting. I'm now lying on the floor of a disabled toilet for some reason. Feeling like I'm about to pass out. Not sure what to do.

Wonderland. · 07-04-2014, 07:15 PM

Moving is generally an exhausting process to go through, but it will get easier with time.

Can you call someone for help?

when.will.it.end · 07-04-2014, 08:19 PM

I passed out and got dragged to resus even though I said I was fucking fine then got told I was attention seeking. I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. I think I'm going back to my flat tonight where I can do what I want. I can't cope. This has to stop. It has to stop now. They can't stop me from going now I'm off section. I've got blades with me. I'm so so sorry for being me.

Wonderland. · 07-04-2014, 09:04 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you passed out. I hope you are feeling better physically now.

Katie you only have to stay in hospital a few more days and then you are out of there. Going to your flat and cutting is only going to risk you being kept in longer. Please try and go back to the ward, it really is the best thing to do.

What making you want to cut? Maybe we can help you through the urges.

when.will.it.end · 07-04-2014, 09:10 PM

Thank you x I'm so sorry for being such a fuck up. I'll try and go back to the ward in a bit. I think I'm triggered because I'm leaving inpatient and moving soon and I feel like I'm never going to get the chance to hurt myself again, and everyone is expecting me to be recovered and well as soon as I move. Nobody has actually said this, for the most part, it's just my stupid head making shit up again. I can't just recover overnight. Being a fuck up is who I am. I overdose, cut, ligature. It's who I am and the only thing I seem to be able to do right. I suck at life. I'm 24 and have nothing to show for it. I annoyingly missed the last train to London. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do.

Wonderland. · 07-04-2014, 09:17 PM

I'm glad you are going to try and go back to the ward.

It would be wrong of anyone to expect you to never SH again. In recovery you will have slip ups and that is perfectly okay and normal. I don't know anyone who has just quit never to harm again, it doesn't work like that.

It sounds like you feel quite unsure of who you are without harming. That has been your life and it would be quite understandable to be freaking out about the prospect of how you are going to cope without harming. But that will change overtime as you reduce the harming, and build up your coping skills.