Told CPN about stuff. Couldn't write down...wouldn't make sense. Gonna chase up psychotherapist and talk to DBT therapist. Told to talk to GP on Fri about meds but don't think can change because of pregnancy.
Worn me out.
Thank you <3
She's gonna talk to dbt therapist before group on thurs and dunno about psychotherapist because they reckon I've been on waiting list since Jan but gotta check.
Got something written so gonna try show gp on friday - he's the MH GP at my surgery and can talk to him so hopefully can.
Trying...
I need some help or support or something. I keep feeling really jumpy and anxious. I can't stop the thoughts and urges and voices. I'm losing my nerve for talking and reaching out.
I feel so fucking alone and scared.
what calming techniques do you know? maybe you and Adam/another close friend or family member could practice some together, so that he knows more about them, and can coach you through them when you're not able to do it on your own
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I did try some breathing techniques but in the end just took a few more than prescribed sleeping tablets and went to sleep.
I went to my friends' graves this week; Tom, Georgie, Dan, Matt, Tony, Kelly and Tash's. It was kind of nice but sad as well.
Spoke to my DBT therapist about why I'm struggling with the module. She understood and said that it does just take practise and I should get the hang of it - also that the following module will help bring it all together.
I have a GP appointment tomorrow and I'm not sure what to tell him.
hmm... maybe you could think about anything that has changed since the last time that you saw him, positive or negative, and physically and emotionally and tell him about that?
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Please think before you 'take a few more than prescribed sleeping tablets' for the sake of your child and the harm it could cause to him/her. I also suggest talking to your GP about those tablets. They wouldn't tell you to take a certain amount if it was okay for you to take more. Please think before taking them next time, if there is a next time which I hope there isn't.
**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**
The tablets were fine. They are the ones I'm not on the highest dose of an my perinatal psychiatrist said if I needed to I could go up to X amount which I did.
Urm...not great but not terrible I suppose. He's officially reduced my medication so I only have a weeks at a time. Told him about other things; the other things that I think about using as a suicide 'tool'. He didn't really have much to say other than he's gonna keep in close contact with my CPN and psychiatrist. Seeing him again in two weeks.
Had an antenatal appointment as well and was concerned because I keep getting pains but they said everything's normal.
I...I don't really have words to explain how bad I'm doing right now. I'm sorry. Thank you for all of your continued support but I really don't deserve it. I'm pushing people away and I don't know how to stop it. I'm not gonna be on here as much as I have been but I love you all and your support means the world to me.
x Katie x
What steps can you take to keep yourself safe?
Glad the appointment wasn't terrible at least. Good you were honest. Sorry I don't have much to say *hugs*
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Him grabbing hold of my neck...pushing my face into the carpet while he kneels on my chest...his elbow in my throat cutting off my breathing...each punch making stars appear in front of my eyes...him grabbing the knife from the kitchen and cutting repeatedly into my skin...the wind being knocked out of me every time his foot connects with my stomach...the taste of blood in my mouth...him climbing on top of me when I'm barely conscious and hardly able to stop him...me finally coming around and screaming over and over again to stop...the burning in my throat from shouting so loud...his hand crushing my bones as he holds me down...the bruises appearing on my skin seconds after him letting go.
Over and over again in my head. I just want to shut them up. Don't know how to tell my CPN or Psychiatrist about them.
