searchy things - i mean those yahoo spidery things, whatever they are. at the time it said 2 members and like 7 guests watching us.
im tired, as usual. just been for a blood test, they took so much! and it made me feel a bit sick to watch - ironic much? they think i have diabetes or something. i think i just like chocolate.
glad town went ok zowie.
wats up jeremy?
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
-sigh-
I was watching TV...non-triggering...and my fave character got upset.. so i got RIDICULOUSLY upset...
I feel really low...
how stupid...
i feel really out of touch...
i cant convince myself that it isnt real...
Well, I'm back from Wales and feel ****. I just don't want to do and feel like this anymore. I had a parcel today from my sort of ex, who is lovely to me and so kind and I guess in some ways I have sort of come to rely on his support. But he says he wants me to stop and use him as support to do so. I dunno, I just feel like I have lost a confidant. Everyone keeps telling me enough is enough but I just can't see that. Nothing will ever be enough and now on top of that I will have to hide it from those I trusted enough to tell and talk to in the first place. It is just never going to end.
*hugs everyone*
Zowie, sweetie, the police don't usually spy on people... *snuggles* I think your friends suggestion of telling someone is a good idea...
Oh, THOSE searchy thingies *rolls eyes at self* duh.
*sigh* it's short sleeve weather today... the first spring I've had where I can't wear short sleeves without some sort of cover-up for my arms... Being the stubborn person I am I am out and about (aka campus and work) in a t-shirt and some long fingerless gloves I made from trouser socks (I was pretty proud of myself for the idea actually)... and I feel like everyone knows. They probably do though. *sigh* However, while at the grocery store I had a minute or two of feeling slightly less self conscious as I saw a guy wearing a shirt with the sleeves rolled up and some similar (though not as long I don't think) fingerless gloves... I can only think he's covering up something as well...
*sigh* not sure how I feel, mostly out of sorts I suppose. Since my family finding out I cut (I know, like y'all don't have similar stories, it's not unique to me) I have felt really weird... Something in me died, I can feel it... I know it sounds weird but that's the only way to describe it. I can still laugh and visit with my customers at work... I've always been good at that, no matter how low I am (well, one time I couldn't even smile but...)... but something is not the same... something is not right... hmmm
*sits in her corner with arms draped over knees and stares into space, thinking, wondering...*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
*hugs Ally* awww i'm sorry hun..I wish i had something for you :/
I want to run...
run far away
I want to keep running and for it to rain on me.
Rain and not stop raining til I'm soaked...
Why do I want this so much >.<
*Crawls back under duvet to hide*
I don't know why I'm feeling so low today. I should be feeling less stressed, everyone is bacn from holiday at work so my workload has gone back to normal :), some reason I feel horrid.
I'm just gonna stay here and hide.
*Hugs to everyone*
Squiggles
maybe becasue running in the rain make you feel alive again, and free, and it gives you release and endorphins and the rain is cold and you can actually feel it. and also the sense of perspective and that you feel that actually all the little problems in the world are nothing compared to real, raw life? thats how i see it anyway.
ally i know how you feel. i cant really expalin it, but i know.
hi jadey. u really need to sleep hun, its ok. its safe to sleep.
i wish i could go to sleep but i have lectures including 4hrs straight of chemistry. gah.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Ok...I need help...need to start a thread...but dunno WHERE to post it...
So...yesterday...I had a reallly bad day...
Went into my room and caught sight of my reflection in the full length mirror...
Next thing I know...my sister is stood in my doorway..asking me who I was shouting at...
I'm...worried...scared...I only remember looking up (into the mirror) and thinking "Who the **** is that?!?! Why are they in my room?!"
HELPHELPHELP!!
I need to start a proper thread..but dunno where it belongs ><
*snuggles Alexx*
Sweetie I'm sorry you're having such a time of it... I wish I had some advice for you, some encouragement...
Much love sweetie
*hugs for anyone else that needs it*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
*sigh*
I'd kind of like to die... I have no good reason, just that I'm done... I want to be done. What's the point anymore?
Ah well, c'est la vie... One more minute, one more hour, one more day...
*curls up in her corner and wishes it would all just go away*
Hey... Has anyone seen Helen today? Have I just missed her..?
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Hey... Has anyone seen Helen today? Have I just missed her..?
Quote:
Originally Posted by effervescence
No, i haven't seen Helen.
*searches for Helen in all the corners* Helennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Helen's house went up for sale so I *THINK* her internet might have been disconnected....maybe
but anyway....she text me to tell me that...so I think that's what it might be....
I got it figured this morning...
everything...
all.sorted.
I know whats going on...
Although...
I dont think I could tell my doctor...
He's..probably with Them...
Maybe you're all with Them too
*sigh*
They wont like that I figured it out...
It feels odd...
But I know who She is and I know who I am...
gah...
I did it again...
Nana made one stupidly small comment asking if I was going all "mosh-mosh" again...because i had eyeliner on(WTF?!?!) and then everyone else chipped in with their stupid little comments and I completely snapped.
It shouldnt have bothered me...but She was trying to take over and it took ALL of my will power NOT to tell my nana I wished she'd just die (she has cancer for the third time) even though I knew I'd regret it because I didnt mean it...
So I walked away...took some deep breaths...went back and was like "yeh...I have depression, anxiety and paranoia...." which she already KNOWS but she just gave me a dirty look and went "what you YOU have to be depressed, anxious or paranoid about?!"
It pissed me RIGHT off....
I'm gonna stop spamming the board...
no one reads my posts anyway...:/
Love you all
*leaves a bucket of hugs*
Last edited by Detour. Derail : 02-04-2008 at 05:05 PM.
Reason: type error
Nothing will ever be enough and now on top of that I will have to hide it from those I trusted enough to tell and talk to in the first place. It is just never going to end.
