The following content has been hidden - Reason : punchline
Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : punchline
That's because he hides well.
Where do kings keep their armies?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : punchline
In their sleevies.
Why don't anteaters get sick?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : punchline
Because they're full of anty-bodies.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : adult
The following content has been hidden - Reason : adult
Bill had been happily employed in a pickle factory for
a number of years, but one day he confessed to his wife
that he had a teeible compulsion:
"i've got a terrible urge to stick my **** into the pickle slicer.
Not just a little bit, I really want to jam it in!"
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day
a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at
once that something was seriously wrong.
"whats wrong Bill?" she asked.
"do you remember that i told you how i really had this tremendous
urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"oh Bill, you didnt! did you?!" she exclaimed.
"yes, i did." he replied.
"my god Bill, what happened?"
"i got fired."
"no, Bill, I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"oh... she got fired too."
a blonde phones her brunette friend and asks her for help to complete a jigsaw puzzle she said "ive been trying for 3 days but not got anywhere with it"
her friends asks what kind of jigsaw puzzle is it?
the blonde replys "it has a tiger on the box"
so the brunette come round and says (you will love this)
The following content has been hidden - Reason : punchline
A man was walking along the road, when he saw a farmer in his field, unmoving. 'This is nothing new' he thought, and he carried on walking. The next day, it was raining. The man walked down the road again, and saw the farmer standing in the same spot as the day before. This continued for several days, in all weathers, the man would walk down the road and see the farmer just standing there. One day, the man decided to enquire of the farmer what he was doing, and so he walked up to the farmer in the field and said "Why is it that every day I have walked along this road, and seen you standing here, night and day, in all weathers?" The farmer replied "I saw in the newspaper that the Nobel prizes are soon to be awarded so I thought I'd go for it." The man was bemused by this and asked the farmer to explain. He got the reply: "the nobel prizes are awarded to people who are outstanding in their fields."
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.
The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
A man’s running his eye over a menu in a restaurant when his attractive waitress asks him what he’d fancy. “A quickie, please” “Sir,” she says, “I’ll ask you one more time, is there anything that takes your fancy?” “Yes,” says the man again. “A quickie.” Outraged she slaps him across the face and storms back across the restaurant in a huff. “Mate,” says the guy at the next table, “it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."
Q: How do you catch a polar bear?
A: You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Many years ago, a Danish Professor advertised for various differerent nationalities to come and subject themselves to a sexual experiment. How would the various parties cope with the practicalities of such an arrangement? After hundreds of applications, he chose two men and one woman from France, Italy, Germany and England.
After two weeks of experimentation, the professor discovered the following:
The two French men and the French woman were happily engaged in regular threesomes
One of the Italian men had killed the other
The German men had worked out a system where the first one slept with the German woman on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. While the other took Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays (they rested on the sabbath)
While the English men had spent the last two weeks ignoring the English woman
