Really need help learning how to cope with things. The medication is numbing things alot, but I'm all I want to do tonight is cut or OD. Can't shake the thoughts off :-/
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
Hey Quautia, *Hugs*. Sorry to hear you are feeling low. Do you think you will be able to make it through the night safely? Is there somebody you can be with or call? Please try and take measures to make sure you are safe x
Had a sesision with my therapist today. she spent a long time drilling into me how people wouldnt put themselves out if there was no hope an such. Still not feeling great about the whole thing, but oh well.
Anyone know if you can request to see a certain psych?
I don't know about Pysch Bitter Angel. I'd love to change, but it took so much fighting to get refered, I don't want to risk rocking the boat and giving them a reason not to help me.
I had a difficult evening/night, but managed to resist the urges by telling myself I could give in if they were still there in the morning. Half a chocolate orange gone, and I'm still sad :(
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
Hi
I only just got diagnosed so I feel really cheeky for asking for support but I'm really down tonight and I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend steven has gone out and he's been out for ages and I'm really scared but I don't want to call him and ruin his night.
Someone battered on my door earlier and I'm really scared that there's someone outside and they're trying to get me
I keep seeing shadows on the curtain and I'm really scared.
I'm so pathetic! Someone knocks on my door and I turn into a complete wreck!
I'm sorry, I know I'm so out of order to post here
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
Welcome to thread :) Don't feel cheeky about posting in here/asking for support. How are you feeling at the moment? I know it's been a while since you posted.
I am going to ask my therpist on Thursday about requesting to see a psych of my choice. If not i might make so enquires about going private. If it comes to it i will take out a loan. I know i wont get anywhere with my current psych. which sounds kinda postive for me. Which has got to be better than my current self destructive streak.
I think that is really positive bitter angel and I hope your enquiries go well and a loan isn't needed but its good you have a plan to work through to get the support you need.
Thank you for your kind words pretty_deliquent I'm not feeling much better tbh. When steven got home he said some boys were shouting at him by name saying he was dead and his whole family are dead. I freak out everytime I hear someone walk past. Steven set up some knives around the house for protection (he used to be attacked a lot when he lived here before) and I've memorised where each one is and planned what I will do if someone does try and get in.
I feel so unsafe and on the verge of tears, but I know steven is feeling worse right now so I have to try and stay strong.
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
We only just moved here last week *chuckles at the irony*
I've told steven if it happens again we're going straight to the police and telling the council we aren't safe where we are now (even though this is a private rental) there must be something they can do.
I just seem to live life from one crisis to another arg!
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
Just back from a weekend with family, which was lovely but so difficult. Its probably not rational, but I couldn't help sitting there feeling like I don't belong in my family, and how it wouldn't be a great loss to any of them if I wasn't around.
The bad thoughts are still very bad. Written a very honest letter to CPN - think I need to be honest about my stockpiling meds and things. She rated me as a '2' for risk of suicide, but she said she had to put that because of the overdoses and she doesn't really think I'm at risk. I think I'm at risk. Or maybe I'm not? Maybe its all in my head.
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
I decided I wasn't borderline, I thought I'd even convinced my doctor (who's now left) and then I saw an ED psychiatrist last week, and as well as the whole Bulimia thing she talked to me about facing up to that I'm Borderline, and I spoke to my Mum today and after I'd really upset her by saying I feel suicidal she talked about how I was being borderline, not in a nasty way, she was really understanding.
But I don't want to be borderline. I hate this. I hate the stigma. I hate everything. I hate all these ****ing illnesses, diagnoses, problems, whatever. I'm just a malfunction in the system. God ****ed up when he made me. I think I'd rather die than go on living as me - a disease feeding off things.
Sorry to rant and hijack when I haven't been in here for ages. Sorry.
Hugs Abigail. I really do relate to what you are saying and it's awful feeling that way etc. Argh, I don't know what to say - I wish I did, it would help me too!
You aren't a disease and you didn't choose to have borderline, and I know there's a lot of stigma and people sometimes like to believe things about us that aren't true, we both know we didn't ask for this.
If you want to chat feel free to PM/add to MSN. I think we're about the same age so we might be able to relate quite well and have a chat about 'normal' things too x
Fallen Rain - I understand completely how you feel. I HATE me and I HATE what I am. Sorry for not being about to offer any real advice or anything, just wanted you to know that I feel the same. ((Hugs))
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
Abigail, the label is not something you have to live with forever, you may grow past it. I know it is hard work, but the symptoms in time will die down. You have come so far recently, look at the rather than how far you have to go. In the end it is only a label. Be who you want to be an ignore the label.
the thing ive hated though, being away with people, is what happens when the bpd kicks in, people that havent seen it dont know what its like, then critize every little things that happens.
For my friend, i ruiend her trip, nice feeling that.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
